Dating Paraplegics the Ultimate Guide
There are many reasons for and against dating paraplegics and wheelchair users. We answer the common and complex questions people have in “Dating Paraplegics the Ultimate Guide”. Some answers may surprise, we cover all you need to know dating wheelchair users in short easy to understand terms.
“Dating Paraplegics the Ultimate Guide” is a great read for anyone dating. Begin to date a wheelchair user the right way. Discover the secrets to dating paraplegics and wheelchair users.
Dating Paraplegics and Wheelchair Users
- Pushy: I want to ask a wheelchair user out but I’m afraid I will scare them off.
True: You may scare them off, so don’t hang around waiting for a relationship that will never happen. Go ahead and ask them out. They may feel the same way about you. Be creative, “If you behave, I will let you take me out to dinner Friday night.” Most who feel the same way will be flattered. At least you will then know where you stand. - Personal Care Nurse: I don’t want to be a care nurse. That is to much work for me. I don’t want to help with personal care, help toilet shower and dress etc. It is a huge burden and turn-off.
True: It is a huge responsibility yes. It is alright to feel that way. But you do not have to be their care nurse. They got along fine before they met you. And they will be fine if you leave. Paraplegics are quite able to take care of their own personal hygiene. The very few paraplegics who do need some help with personal care will have, or should get, support services in place. - No Sex: Dating a paraplegic wheelchair user means no sex. They can’t feel it so they don’t enjoy sex or make love very often.
False: Sex is not usually one of the things we talk about on a first date. Most men and women dating paraplegics do report a healthy active sex life. Those in long term relationships with paraplegics describe them as above average lovers. Some may, but don’t expect all of us to talk about sex on the first date. - Bad Sex: Paraplegics are bad in bed. They just lay there all paralyzed and lifeless during sex.
False: Paraplegics have great upper body strength. Most can be on top if they want to. Paraplegics are physically active and hands on during the act of love making. If things are boring introduce scented candles, oils, music etc. Appeal to the other senses. Wheelchair users are very visual when it comes to foreplay and sex. - Erections: All wheelchair users have trouble getting and keeping an erection.
False: What you need to know is if their Spinal Cord Injury is “complete” or “incomplete.” Most with SCI are incomplete. They can get an erection by touching or rubbing their penis, or in the case of girls, wet by rubbing their clitoris. Generally it is only men with a complete spinal cord injury who find it hard to get and keep an erection. - No Children: People in wheelchairs can’t have children. They should not have children. Dating a paraplegic you will not be able to start a family. They can’t look after or raise children very well.
False: Paraplegic women have the same chance of conceiving a child as any other fertile woman. Pregnancy and childbirth are carried out in much the same way as able-bodied women. Paraplegic women make excellent mothers. Paraplegic men have a slightly lower fertility rate than other men do. Paraplegic men make excellent fathers. - Bad Genes: People with a spinal cord injury have a high risk of giving birth to disabled babies.
False: A spinal cord injury is not genetic. It cannot be passed on to children. - Short Life Span: Wheelchair users don’t live as long as regular people.
True: Doctors say a spinal cord injury can shorten an otherwise 80 year life span by a year or two. However, by far the biggest factor influencing life span is lifestyle. - Scarred For Life: Wheelchair users have nasty scars weird legs and a fucked up body.
True: Most paraplegics do have some scars. In fact most people over 25 have some scars. Injuries involving broken bones require surgery. Unless obvious only trusted people get to see a paraplegics scars. Behind every scar is a story. Paraplegics often have thin limp legs (flaccid legs). Most have a well defined strong upper body to compensate. - Angry: I have been dating paraplegics for some time, they are angry hurtful and mean. I figure it will get better in time.
False: If you are dating a spinal cord injury wheelchair user who is mean and angry, 90% of the time you will come to find they were mean and angry before the wheelchair. Everybody has their bad days but that is no excuse. You should never tolerate abuse. Do not make threats to leave. Pack up and leave. At the very least, move away from anyone who is angry and abusive to you. - Easy Target: Wheelchair users are easy to rape use and abuse for sex.
False: Wheelchair users have open access to protective services and often carry a vital call alarm. The rape and abuse of disabled people is a very serious crime. Paraplegics can fight back. They have more upper body strength than regular people and know how to use it. - Easy to Disable: I feel safe dating paraplegics because I can easy tip them out of their wheelchair if they annoy me.
False: You can tip them out but they can get back in quickly and heaven help you when they do. When others learn of what you have done you will not be safe. Never tip any wheelchair user out of their chair unless they ask you to. - Baggage: When dating paraplegics you have to put their wheelchair in the car. Lift them in and out of the car. Carry a butt-load of medical supplies. It’s just a big drama to go out.
False: Paraplegics can transfer from their wheelchair into a car without help. Some use a sliding board (short smooth board to slide on) to make it safe and easy. They can pull their wheelchair apart and stow it in the back seat of the car. It is polite to offer assistance. Don’t feel bad if it is refused. Many paraplegics will already drive their own car with hand controls. - Catheters: I want to know what the deal is with catheters but I do not want to seem rude and ask my date how they pee and stuff. Should I just go ahead and ask?
True: Yes go ahead and ask. Most dating paraplegics and wheelchair users don’t find such questions rude. They are happy to talk about and explain how they go to the bathroom. After all, if things go well, you will both get more intimate than that at some point. It is good to know how your wheelchair partner functions before that happens. - Repulsed: I cannot get over the catheter thing. It really turns me off sex.
True: It is fair to say that kind of thing is not pretty. No paraplegic likes having to poke a tube up their private to drain their bladder, but they don’t get much choice. Ask them how they got over it. Give it some time and you might get more used to the idea. If the catheter is in during sex, ask them about taking it out for sex. Most paraplegics can go without a catheter for several hours. - Parking Permit: I am only dating paraplegics for the parking.
False: You are only easy to please or just butt lazy. Disability parking permits only apply to people who medically qualify for them. Sticker or no sticker, if they are not in the car, you may not park there. Everyone knows the best thing about dating paraplegics is the oral sex! - Restricted Access: You miss out on things dating paraplegics. It’s like dragging an anchor around. You can only go places that have wheelchair access. That means boring and not spontaneous.
False: Many people dating paraplegics enjoy all kinds of physical activities. They can fly, hike, swim, etc. and play most any sport. Night clubs, rock concerts and cinemas are just a few places where wheelchair users are given priority seating and access. - Opening Doors: Should I open the door?
False: Ask them, “May I get the door for you?” If you do open it, don’t stand in the way or stretch your arm out for them to go under. In general when dating paraplegics it’s polite for a man to open the door for a woman. - Travel: There are limited places to go dating paraplegics and it costs extra to travel.
False: Paraplegics often qualify for discounted fares. Some airlines allow a companion to fly free with any full fare paying wheelchair user. No country in the world bans wheelchair users or dating paraplegics. It may just take a little more planning. - Beaches: Don’t go to the beach when dating paraplegics. They get stuck in soft sand.
True: A standard manual push chair will get stuck in soft sand. You can drag them through backwards but that will exhaust you quickly. Wheelchair users love the beach and warm sunny places. Just stick to beaches with a boardwalk or pier until you get to know what they are capable of. They might prefer a quad bike or 4 wheel drive. - Never Say Walk: It’s rude to say let’s go for a walk when dating paraplegics.
False: They don’t care. They know what you mean. - Second Person: If someone asks me, what my date wants, should I answer for them?
False: Politely tell them to ask your date instead. - Income: I do not want to work all day while they sit at home and do nothing.
True: Paraplegics do sit all day. Many work part-time to supplement a disability pension or hold down a full-time job. Some are career professionals. They may not like you sitting around doing nothing all day either. - House Maid: Dating paraplegics is good because they like to pick up after you.
False: You won’t be dating paraplegics for long if you are messy. Wheelchair users do not like clothes left on the floor. They get tangled in their castor wheels, and may cause them to fall from their chair. They do not like to pick up after you. That includes your friends, if they make a mess, they better clean it up. - Home Access: Back at their home they told me, “Don’t touch my stuff.” But I am not a klutz.
True: It is something dating paraplegics have to say a lot. Not because you are a klutz. If they go for the phone in an emergency, only to find you have moved it beyond their reach, you may cause them harm. Their stuff may look out of place to you, and most won’t mind you touching, but always put things back the way you found them. - Yard Work: Can they mow the lawn and keep the yard tidy?
True: Gardening is a very popular hobby amongst wheelchair users. Paraplegics can drive ride on mowers, tractors, harvesters, handle a saw etc. Most with a house in the suburbs pay someone to mow their lawn, and clean the gutters out. The rest they can take care of. Pot plants, home gardens, and raised garden beds are easy to look after. - Drug Addicts: Paraplegics are a good source of drugs.
False: Paraplegics require little to no medication. They avoid taking prescribed drugs as much as possible. - Retarded: All wheelchair users are retarded in some way. A spinal cord injury causes brain damage. Paraplegics have all kinds of emotional issues and mental problems.
False: A spinal cord injury is certainly a traumatic event. It does not cause brain damage. For the most part, rehab after a spinal cord injury gives paraplegics a new lease on life. Paraplegics who are open to dating are more than often well adjusted, and emotionally well balanced. - Plenty Of Fish: There are so many non-disabled why bother dating the disabled?
True: There are more able-bodied. Dating paraplegics is just as risky and rewarding as dating able-bodied people. No one group or type of person should be excluded. But we all have our own likes and dislikes. We are all free to chose who we date. - Approval: Pressure from family and friends. He is only dating paraplegic girls because he can’t get a real woman. My friends and family don’t approve.
False: This is a very narrow minded and ignorant statement for anyone to make. There are many positives to dating paraplegics. More than often in public these days those dating paraplegics get noticed and praised. Paraplegics are smart people. They will be quick to tell anyone with such bias opinions to grow up or go away. - Rejection: I would like to date a paraplegic but I know nothing about disability and wheelchair life. I am afraid I will be rejected.
True: Your advances may be declined, not because you know nothing about disability. When it comes to love, the feeling is not always mutual. C’est la vie (such is life). If a disabled person rejects you it does not mean you are un-lovable. They simply aren’t ready to date or don’t feel a strong enough love attraction toward you. - Bunny Boiler: Wheelchair users are very needy. If I am dating paraplegics and it doesn’t work out, when I leave they will have plenty of time on their hands to stalk me.
False: With that attitude they will be glad to see you leave. Paraplegics are no more or less needy than anyone else. They got over breaking their spine, I’m sure they will get over you.
Resources
- Daily Loaf: Sex for Paraplegics
- Dream Believer Mark: http://www.dreamblvr.com
- National Sexuality Resource Center: User Guide for the Paralyzed Penis
- Mad Spaz Club: Wheelchair Sex After Spinal Cord Injury
- Mad Spaz Club Forum: Why it’s Cool to Date My Paraplegic
Additional rule to consider: don’t move his shit without asking (chairs, crutches, braces, etc.) Everything is in a certain place for a reason. Big oops on my part. LOL
Thanks Deb, added.
Great article. Finally saw your email to me Graham. Check yours. Much I’d love to share. :) Something funny my man tells me is not to bother opening doors for him. He wants to be a gentleman but also he find that when people open doors, they often end up just standing in the way! They mean well but after seeing it many times I totally get his point.
Thanks NewPerspective, added.
sehe gerne menschen im rollstuhl !!
Why do you like to see people in wheelchairs? Warum mogen Sie es menschen im rollstuhl zu sehen?
I would love to date a paraplegic lady….beauty is beauty, in a chair or in a car…personality and beauty is the important thing to consider, and for me a beautiful girl is a good thing, but a paraplegic beautiful lady is a fantastic and sexy!!!!
im 18 female im a paraplegic from a car accident i was in march 30th 2011 and i absalouty hate it i think no one likes me anymore im worthless…hate my life!
Corie…that’s not true…in the beginning it’s hard and it’s normal,but later on you wont feel bad at all…just go out and have fun, u still can do everything u desire…about liking u..it depends on ur personality and how u shine, it’s not because u are in wheelchair no one will like u…there’s alot of people who don’t use wheelchairs and people like them or don’t like them….
I am sorry to hear that Corie! My husband is 32 and was paralyzed 5 years ago from a work accident. He says it is very common to feel the way that you do. Stay strong and there is an excellent life to still lice for you!
Corie! Corie!
You are still fresh to all of this, and most likely still overwhelmed,
Give yourself time to adjust. Keep coming back to this site…ask lots of questions.
Most of all, be kind to your self
Corie, I understand completely. I’m in a wheelchair for 25 years due to a car accident. (paraplegic TH10) I still hate it and, how strange it will seem, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Because the situation got me in touch with my fighting power, creativity, optimism and unlimited strenght to live. I never new I had these powers within me! OK, after 5 or ten years I know that part of me well enough and I would like to walk, run, jump, dance and ejaculate again. But that wont’t happen, because we only have one live. How hard it may be, live it for the full, because only you really know that in the same moment you could have been gone and you wouldn’t even have noticed. I’m glad for you that you still live and have the opportunity to make a brandnew second life for yourself. It’s gonna be a hard road, but nobody sad it would be easy. Enjoy every day you get stronger and keep your goals ahead. On the long run it will only get better how bumpy the road in the beginning may be. I’m shure you’re gonna make it; day by day; the grass won’t grow faster when you pull it! Go with the flow, life will bring you lots of joy in the future, go for it!, Herman
Hi everyone, I am starting to know a gorgeous, sweet, smart guy that is in a wheelchair. I feel admiratino towards the way he sees things, and certainly often I forget he is in it at all! Except obviously when we walk down the street…
His upper body is unbelievably strong, and everything about him is not good, great! I am really looking forward to our relationship going a step further. He has explained every detail about how he got there and how he prepared himself psychologically. Admirable. I am, however, somewhat nervous about the sex part, but thanks to reading the above comments I believe there is nothing to fear.
Greetings from Spain!
Hi sue! I married my husband this last august and he is also in a wheelchair. He is everything you explained about the man in your relationship. I just wanted to say that I have never known a man to be more attentive to me and its the best sex I have ever had! Merry Christmas from Washington state US
Cori when first becoming disabled, para or otherwise its normal to be depressed, angry, mad at the world, wanting to give up. Its hard I know, Im in a wheelchair with primary progressive ms and have been for 8 years. Hold your head up and try to accept life as it is. I too felt all that you are feeling, and still do once in a while. (it never completely goes away) I met a great girl online 2 years ago, moved to TX to be with her and now I am living the best years of my life. She is hearing impaired and legally blind, but loves me like there is no tomorrow. I know that there is not much of a market for us “broken” ones but the market is quality not quantity. A potential partner that see’s who’s in the chair and not the chair is better than gold. People will treat you like you treat them, but nobody wants to be around someone that is mad at the world
This is wonderful!
“They got over breaking their spine, I’m sure they will get over you.” What a great parting line.
THE MORE ADVENTUROUS U R MENTALLY THE MORE FUN U BOTH CAN HAVE!!! U NEVER KNOW UNLESS U ASK! GIVE IT A GO. NOT ALL “WHEELIES” ARE ANGRY!
Sex can b just as fun! But more importantly, “wheelers” still love to play rolls , as far as being aunties
etc. Dont take tht away from them. They say “ignorance is bliss…” NOT IN THIS CASE!!!
This is such a great article! Very well done and fun to read!
Great article…I truly feel I have met the love of my life and yes he is a paraplegic but from the moment I laid eyes on him I saw him as any other guy. His wheelchair was the last thing I noticed. He is the most amazing, incredible person I have ever met. We are very attracted to each other both physically and mentally. We are just beginning our journey together…
For those of you out there feeling alone just know there is still someone out there for you and they are going to fall in love with you for who you are as a person and that is what true love is.
My name is colin i was in 2 drinking anbdriving accidents in one year im 22 ive only bin a complete t4 t5 paraplegic for 8 months me an my girl friend wer planning to be together then i got in my 2nd accident and woke up a complete paraplegic she was seeing someone i thought why would she want be with me he can walk lol? But she did an we live together now. Im still hurting i have alot of problems sometimes feel like giving up cause im always fighting i only have use of one arm due to cut arteries so i need help with alot.. but its just a phaze everyone hurts at first an thinks crazy things i do myself just keep doin what your doing if you can get threw this u can get threw anything!!! ….. loved the comment bout geting over anyone is nothing compared to geting over tihis!
Last year I met a guy online, we were going to go out on a date, but due to ill health he had to cancel. We stayed in touch and became friends, he is a paraplegic. We finally went out for our date a few months ago, he is now my partner and the best lover I have ever had. x
I saw the comment that someone left, if they were mean after the accident, then they were mean before. I found this to be true as I have been a caregiver to a Quad for 3 years now. It was all good in the beginning. I didnt see a chair, I saw, what I though, was a wonderful man who had been abandoned by everyone, even his own family, mother included…eventually the truth comes out. Now, I do not like this man I thought I knew. I want to leave because I could do better, and its NOT because of a chair !!! I am about as qualified as any nurse. The experience with him has taught me so much and I love to care and love people. So, I talked with him and he gives be the big guilt trip…I cant live without you, you were my last hope at a life…It haunts me everyday and makes me more depressed. While I try to keep him living, I am slowly dying. I can’t do anything with my kids cause I am his main care provider so my kids are hating on me for always having to be with him…he never wants to go anywhere. I do agree that they do make much better lovers, but that is only when they want too. I just do not have a clue what to do cause my heart can’t move past of thinking about what will happen to him if//when I decide to leave. Ant suggestions ???
Dear Broken Hearted,
Oh Sweetheart what an awful situation, I feel for you I really do. Listen up, it is not your fault that this man is a quadraplegic, it is not your fault that his friends and family have deserted him, in fact if despite your empathy for this man you now wish to move on too, I see a pattern emerging and I would say he needs to look at his own attitude and make some adjustments if he wants to have any sort of happiness in his life.
Ask yourself this, if he were not a quad, not a wheelchair user would you think twice about dumping him and getting on with your life.
It sounds to me as if he is using you, I’m sorry if that sounds harsh. But are you his partner or his carer? Does he want you to stay because he loves you or because you are convenient ?
I hate to say this because it does not apply to so many good people out there certainly not to my James, but another 2 wheelchair users I can think of. They can be selfish and they will play the guilt card when it suits them. Don’t fall for it !!!
In the end you must do what is right for you and for your kids, they are the only true responsability that you have. Offer to help arrange alternative care for him, give him some notice you are going, but be firm don’t let him win you over with emotional blackmail.
He is a big boy, he needs to make peace with his family, maybe get some counselling and take responsability for himself.
I wish you all the luck in the world my dear, please write back if you need to talk more or to let us know how you get on ?
Jo x
Dear Broken Hearted
I know it hurts and its horrible to feel this pain but you are stronger than you think and will get through this. Trust me, I know.
Never ever let another person blackmail you either emotionally or physically. You are worth far more than that!!
I think he needs to man up. You cant help him do this nor can you make him do this but please please take care of yourself and the children first. He has the resposibility for his own life
Everyone is right, if he is mean in the chair he was mean before, he needs to see you as a person, not hide behind his wheelchair, and treat you like his carer, find out what help he can get, arrange it and vote with your feet, maybe if he knows you really mean it when you say you are going he will change his attitude, if not, my love, you are well out of it, as are your children, my kids love my partner, and he insists they come first, and his boys love me, because unlike their mother, I keep my promises to them. your kids need you more than he does, put them, and your sanity first
I’m a paraplegic and have been since I was 8 years old. I’m not really sure why I clicked here, but I read it anyway. This thing is great, though, lots of laughs at just how true this stuff was. I wish I could somehow get my girlfriends to read this, haha.
Here’s my two cents.
Moving his stuff: Yea, I hate that. You can move my stuff all you want, but make sure it’s within my reach. Though I’ve gotten pretty good at using spatulas or other things to pull em down when they do lol.
Sex: Yea, you covered that pretty good ;)
Bathroom: This is a tricky one, for me at least. I can do all the stuff myself, that’s easy enough. I don’t really like em asking though. I think it really just comes down to the person. The biggest part I don’t like to say is how you go number 2…. That’s a little much for people, ya know?
Parking Permit: You know how hard I laughed when I saw that? Very, that was hilarious. Yea, we get the spots up there, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve parked waaaay down there so an old lady can park in the last handicapped space. It’s not hard for me to roll up from really far away, it’s much harder for her.
Boring life: Pffft, no thanks. While I do enjoy video games (a lot, actually) I loooove going out and hanging with friends. Movies, hunting, fishing, whatever. Hell I’ve even got a 4wheeler I bought a few years back. Automatic obviously, but girls always love when we go out on that. I don’t like the cliche, “They can do anything you can do” because, well, that’s not totally true. But the things we can do, we do it well.
Great article once again, bro. And to the ladies who date men like me, stay beautiful ;)
Your comments put a smile on my face :) Hope you are having a good day and keep posting
I’m 25 and have been in a wheelchair since I was 3. Many of my friends are getting engaged/ married/ having kids, and I’m still single. Don’t know if it’s the way I look or the fact that I’m in a chair. If it’s the fact that I’m in a chair then I’m pretty much screwed because the chair’s permanent :/
the rape and abuse of non-disabled people is also a serious crime…
Sarah, you could always post a photo of yourself in the dating section of our forum if you want an honest opinion on your looks. There are people who absolutely rule out dating anyone with any sort of a disability. There are also people who seek to date them exclusively. For the majority, it’s not about being 6ft tall or a paraplegic that matters, it’s whats inside. So keep shining and someone will come along.
4 1/2 years paralyzed and 4 years in a wheelchair has been a tumultuous rollercoaster in the dating world. The woman I was going to propose to before left a few months after my accident while I was still in the hospital. 2 years afterwards a woman from church offered to drive me in my car to the Labor Day picnic at church. Didn’t even dawn on me that she was interested in me as I didn’t view myself as dating material. Why would a woman be interested in having a relationship with me? I sure blew that opportunity! Why would a woman I felt drawn towards and attracted to ever feel the same towards me? I feel you Sarah,focus on your passions in life and the man drawn towards those passions will also be drawn towards you. At least that’s the conventional wisdom I hear. I am a hopeful hopeless romantic so what could I possibly know?
Dustin,
I just read this today: the meaning of life is to find your gift.The purpose in life is to give it away. As a hopeless romantic myself I feel you know a lot. The right person will see your soul…
Thanks Amanda. I can see a woman’s heart more clearly now. Took me a few years to come out of the fog, but alas I have. Came across those words before about one’s purpose in life.
Dustin,
Why do you say alas you have? Coming out of the fog and into the light can hurt, yes but I find its best. Life isnt always easy for anyone but we are all here on the forum to support each other. If you ever need an ear, someone to bounce things off of (not literally, please)feel free to PM any of us
Amanda, thanks for the encouragement as well as the suggestion/offer-Literally =-] not sure how to PM anyone on here, perhaps one day.
Dustin,
Post anything here- we can all learn from each other
Being in a wheelchair myself, I find this article does not list one thing, a lot of people have a hard time talking to me, they act as if I am not there and will deal with whoever is pushing me around, some days I can wheel myself, others not so much, but I am perfectly functional in every other way.
They look at me for like a second and then honestly ignore me, and it makes me want to grab them and say dammit I’m right here..look at the woman who is talking to you and act accordingly.
Nikki,
I have quite a list of things that people do, say, ask, etc when Im out w someone in a chair; be it a relative, a date, etc. I know some are curious, some mean well, but some just dont get it… similar to when a nurse asks will we be (insert subject of choice) today? I often want to ask is it the royal we or are you speaking to someone in particular? I tend to be assertive when they ignore the person with me and say.. hmmmm ears and mouth are working- no need for an interpreter and that causes a second take, to say the least. What do you personally say to people when this situation happens or do you just let it go?
If they ask my brother, “Does he want salt too?” he starts twitching and moaning loudly like he has an intellectual disability. They quickly look at me and I say, “Yes please, we both will thankyou.”
Nikki,
Some people just cant lower their noses far enough to talk to us. Those are the same ones that would drown if caught out in a hard rain becuse their nose is in the air.
We are the only person who can put ourselves down. Other people may ignore and be uncomfortable around someone in a wheelchair, self acceptance is not made any easier when this happens. You’ve got to be approachable or be willing to approach someone if you ever want to date or be in a relationship. I have found humour to help break the ice and being relief to an uncomfortable situation and being able to laugh at myself has certainly helped me hold onto my sanity.
I ran across this site when searching for the story about the crazy lady that wants to be a paraplegic. I believe if she were to live with one for a while and see every aspect of their situation and how they live and have to go through life on a daily basis, she may have a change of heart.
There is no getting around the fact that it is a hard life to live. But it really is what you make of it and how you handle it mentally. When I read what Corie wrote, it breaks my heart and I think everyone probably goes through these same emotions. I feel for her and hope she keeps her head up and makes it through these hardest times when it is all new for her. I went through it myself when at 19 years old I broke my back riding in the back of a Datsun mini truck. The driver fell asleep and went off a cliff instantly making me a T-6 paraplegic. It is a very depressing feeling that you don’t fit into society.
One day a lady friend of my mother gave me this book mark with this poem. After reading it I have pretty much lived my life by it, and it has helped me to get through a lot of rough times. I will be 58 years old on the 19th of this month (June) and my accident was October 20, 1973 (a date you never forget)So you can bet there have been a lot of tough times, But on the other hand there have been great times as well.
I have done things that would surprise many people. And always believe if I wanted to do something I found a way to do it. I could go on and on about accomplishments and relationships but I’ll wait till I post again. This is NOT the place to write a book. But my hope is that this poem may help someone else.
God Bless,
DON’T QUIT
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow–
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out–
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit–
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.
my name is Danielle I was born with Spinabifida I have used a wheelchair since I was 18 months old. I agree with a lot of these things. I know I hate it when people do things for me without asking or are hell bent on helping me that they are not helping at all. My longest relationship was with an able bodied man who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with,but he ended up cheating on me with another woman. He had told me my disability didn’t bother him,but I guess that wasn’t true. I am a t10 paraplegic meaning I have no feeling below the waist,but my brain is pretty much normal I have a few quirks,but no one is perfect. I just recently broke up again with my boyfriend of a year because of my mental problems. He was a wheelchair user also,but by accident not disability. How can I make sex more fun or enjoyable without my feeling down below and how can I gain back lost confidence in the way I look?
Hi,
For me I used to get hurt or mad at people but two months ago I went to get eyebrows done.. The woman ignored me each time I said I would like this done
When a different person came to me I said just screw it.. And I left.
People are rude, they stare.. And If I smile at them a lot of them actually turn away.
@ Roger- thanks for posting and, in particular, the poem.
Best wishes
Amanda
I have been in a chair since 21 now 32. For all those new to a chair yes you will think no one wants to date you but you need to ask people out. Don’t feel bad if rejected. When you go out with a few people you will get your game back. You will become much wiser to habits and perceptions of people making it easier to see who looks past your disability.
has any 1 tryd f@%!n with a hoist/crane dominating woman using hoist??? if so how is it ?
I’m in a wheelchair and I never have to use a catheter to use the restroom…
It is totally disgusting how they parade very beautiful women, to those of us who are paralyzed like any one of us could get a hot woman like that. I am so livid i can hardly think! fucking bull shit!!!
Jim, Jim, Jim…..dude, seriously?? First, my friend, beautiful in on the inside and outside. Second, I’d take someone on wheels any day before I’d take a man with a paralyzed heart. Now THAT’S really crippled! Third, I’ve had a lover on wheels due to spina bifida. Took me to the moon and I’ve not come back. Although we are no longer together, men who have courted me since…they rue the day he was born. No one compares,in the size of his heart and the delightful perversion simmering in his brain. Honey, it starts in the mind and heart….everything after that has whipped cream, chocolate sprinkles and a marachino cherry on top! Hugs to you my friend.
Jim, you’ll discover what beauty truly is. Deb, you certainly nailed it! I can understand your disgust with the way physically attractive women are portrayed as accessible to disabled guys, but let me tell you as a once able nodied guy who had enough life experience with the types of women you’re talking about. Save yourself a life full of agony and disappointment. Learn where true beauty is found. Frustration comes too quickly when you are paralyzed and confined to a wheelchair, don’t let it paralyze your heart and mind as well.
Jim, you want a woman who will look beyond the chair and love the man. So don’t be guilty yourself of looking for outer perfection – believe me it’s what’s inside that counts.
Deb is spot on, my partner is paraplegic and he is the best lover I’ve ever had, you just have to be a little creative.
I Hope you find what you’re looking for
Jo x
Jim, dont let A holes get to you. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now who has a spinal cord injury and like Lee, is also between T4 – T5, he has movement of both arms, but nothing below that. Everything is amazing, he has a good career and lives on his own. He goes out more then I do half of the time. I couldn’t be happier. sex is way better then anything I’ve had! I met him two years after his accident and had a lot of questions at first but this website made me feel so much better haha. Hopefully more people read this and get a better understanding :-D
Hey, I’m a new joinee & wanna date. I’m confined to a wheelchair but have lots of love stored in me which I want to share. What would be the easiest way to start dating, especially if you are outside of USA?
There are a lot of men like me who love paras!
I have always been attracted to girls in wheelchair. I would love to be in a relationship with a girl who is OK with the fact that I find her being in a wheelchair attractive. Not sure if such girl exists. My point is the guy who is looking at you more than once or “staring” as you call it may think you are the most beautiful he had seen in weeks. So if you think he is worth your time give him a little smile or a hi. That could give him the courage to come and ask you out.
Wow!!! I just read this artical an all the comments. Im dating a wonderful, handsome man with a spinal cord injury and its been the best 10months ever. We met online and in the beginning he was honest and told me he was in a wheelchair. I then said awwwww then asked what happened and he replied he had gotten shot. To me it didnt matter cause i loved his personality an the way he approached me. He wasnt like other men, it was something different about him and i immedialty thought hes defintly the one. We are together right now and we go places, do things and of course have sex:)). I wouldnt want to be with any other guy. If he ask me to marry him today i would say yes. I love him so much.
Thank you for writing this article. I’ve read many on the subject but none as enlightening as well as humerus. Seriously amazing article. I am legally blind or visually impaired. What ever term makes you more comfortable but am not in a wheelchair. However i can relate to Pepsi not speaking directly yo me though i am speaking directly to them. They prefer speaking to whomever IM with instead. When that happens i begin speaking through the person IM with as well. Then correct myself purposely and say oh IM sorry why am i speaking to you? You don’t have the answers i need. They get the hint after that. :)
As for dating it can be tricky but if you feel an attraction towards someone GO FOR IT! i personally prefer a more direct approach as a smile and glance would go unnoticed. I have been accused of being a STUCK UP BITCH many times because of this until a friend or I point out the reason. Point is people will think what they will. Others will ask which is fine with me. I’ve also been accused of “faking it”. But you know who Yu are and learn what strength you have in you, keep good supportive friends and family near you, a bit of a sense of humor along with allowing yourself to say “Man, This day really SUCKED!” things improve and you’ll “see” beautiful people worth your time and attention surrounding you. Thank you again for writing this and for the comments. I read everyone’s. I was married to a sighted man who made me feel for years that i could do no better. That i should feel lucky. Without him I’m a happier woman and a better parent to my boys. LEAVE! you’re not helping him by nursing his own fears. You’re allowing him to continue using you by keeping you from being happy and your children as well. Take Care Everyone <3
SORRY about the typos. It happens :)
hi
Ive been in the wheelchair for more than 36 years and i hate what im reading here . not from all individuals but from the Tips section above. The how to part .
In Gods And Holy Jesus name stop stop stop generalizing. PLEEASE .
Im not even going to give an example or maybe one . whats this about scars on the body and catheters.
You’ll make a good man cry from all your blunders.
bye
elvin
Blunders?? What do you mean?? Could you be more specific? Are you saying that the article is inaccurate?? Could you explain please?
im going to make you a list of inaccuracies when i get the time .
hello Debs .
Are you the author of that article ?
where do you live ? the country i mean.
elvin
Elvin,
Alas, I am not the author of this article. The author is the owner and publisher of this website. However, I participated in making a suggestion here and there. (and I’m in the States, west coast.)
I am curious as to what your concerns are. Open lively debate fosters growth and education.
To All Hi,
I’ve been in a wheelchair for about three years now,and I find this site informative about the disabled luv. I think being in a wheelchair has help me become a more mature lover rather than before my injury. I’m finding myself becoming more attractive to a woman in a wheelchair rather than a able body woman but still attracted to them. Who could be more in luv than two people in wheelchairs?
Think about it….. they have less stress of a regular couple. That is truly a special bond that can be very hard to break.
Two lovers who are in wheelchairs dont worry or stress about:
The next one cheating.
They wouldn’t tell you lies, to hide dirty secrets.
They would tell u everything.
Can’t seek out the house to do dirt.
Compassionate and considerate about ur feelings.
hello Bahama
I just want to say thay you shoulldnt limit yourself to ladies in wheelchairs . your true love may be a regular walking girl. Thats now unless you havnt already found her and she happens to be in a wheelchair .
cheers
elvin
Thank you elvin. What you say is True. You never know when Love hits hard the when, the where and especially the who. Keep an open mind, heart and soul. Good Luck to Everyone!
Hey guys,I have been dating a paraplegic for a year.He is amazing.At first I didnt know anything about a paraplegic but I look beyond the wheelchair and see him.I have had to do research on where we can go and things to do but as long as you both have fun that’s the main thing.I hate staying at home so we do tend to go for a lot of drives and shopping and go out for dinner lots.We do go dancing sometimes.He works fulltime. Lives alone.He can do anything.When i met him i was very surprised at how much he has achieved in life.I do feel bad when we cant get into places like a chinese restaurant he wanted to go to because it has all stairs but it didnt bother me,i felt bad for him.We just kept driving to another restaurant.He has taken on a lot in the past few months and i really admire him for that.I do tell him from time to time and I love this guy.He isnt wanting a carer out of me,he is wanting a gf,a partner,a best friend.And he drives me around most of the time now.Yay.I still do worry about something’s but it’s all a learning curve and I will keep learning.:)
Im only 17 and I have been dating my best friend for 11 months now and she is in a wheelchair. She is the best of the best. We have a great time together and we are like any other young couple. We have our fights and arguments but as the days go by we end up getting closer than the day before. I don’t know what the future holds but I do know for a fact im never going to lose the wonderful person that im dating. I treat her like a lady should be and I will love her with all my heart. We know how to enjoy things and we know we have each other to vent to and cry about life with. I know that if she sets her mind to anything she wants she will get it done. I hold her in my heart in a very special place. She is an inspiration to everyone at out school and im a proud man to have her and take her down the halls with me. She is my everything and the best person ever. I know God put her in my life for a reason
This is a great site! I started off reading the story “Wheelchair Lovers Quadriplegic Relationships” by Caytlin. Fantastic read! And so comforting to see the comments and how my situation relates…
I’ve started to date a quadriplegic, but am also starting to have doubts about it. He is very handsome, kind, considerate, and intelligent, but can be snarky at times and I fear this anger that many of you speak of. I’ve also recently read a blog which mentioned not trusting men who say they “understand you.” This fellow seemed to understand me more easily when he was trying to get to be his girlfriend, then now that I am.
I actually met him through being his care provider. So it often confuses me when I’m unsure which role I am playing. I was his personal care provider before his girlfriend, which causes some anxiety when it comes to how much we do for each other and if it’s really him I love or if I was just intrigued by dating a guy in a chair. His dashing good looks, intelligence and exquisite ability to be a single father certainly helped in the initial attraction. But I am feeling less important because he hasn’t been coming on to me as strongly as before. I also feel bad that I DO see his chair and not just him. I get a kick out of telling people that I am with someone who uses a chair (which feels kind of silly). I actually cheated on my previous partner with this man and probably broke my previous partner’s self-esteem to the fullest by telling him the whole truth (because that’s how able-bodied men who are not around people in wheelchairs would react).
I’ve been a caregiver for about 6 years now and it’s the first thing I’ve ever done that I felt entirely strong about. I get paid to do fun daily activities, get built transfering people and have a great time hanging out with some of the most amazing people! But I am also pushing a lot of boudnaries, have crossed to a blurred vision of what love is and what is important (with almost all whom I work with). I would consider, and have considered only working with this guy and one other client, but enjoy the variety and fulfilment of assiting in multiple homes and multiple lives. It is exhausting to focus so much on only one or two people in your life. It’s more tiring to cross the boundaries with people (it hurts your brain and your body), but I feel less successful when giving straight forward, A to B, see you later care. Good quality of life means treating everyone kindly, genuinely and even having fun! If I was the one receiving care, I know I would want it to be with someone who makes me laugh, could laugh at my farts, but know when it was not the time and could ignore them when necessary; who would be my friend or at least friendly and not oober professional all the time. Some days it’s good to be professional and just get the care done, but most days I want to make it fun too. This guy said he would rather get the care done and over with so he can get on with his life after the two-three hours in the morning, but when I’m with him we dilly-dally and mix the care with quality time together (which sounds like might be my first problem).
I also need to note that I am fantastic at talking myself in and out of just about anything. So when I have time or space in my mind, it usually takes off with outlandish ideas on why I do the things I do. Just a week ago I was thinking about how much this guy means to me. How safe and comfortable I feel when in his presence. But now I’m starting to feel like I’m not sure who is getting more out of the relationship and am losing some of my independence. He is truly amazing, I just wonder at times if I am up to the challenge. He hasn’t been as communicative and it has been a while since we’ve been intimate. I haven’t fully embraced us as a couple, but I want to know it’s for real and I can handle the role reversals.
Thank you for listening. Not sure what my question is, but I feel comfortable sharing. Especially with how supportive you all have been to each other.
Loveorhobby, I am a quadriplegic of eighteen years who has been through the rollercoaster relationships a spinal cord injury brings. I will tell you straight up the worst thing you could possibly do is become his full time carer. It will not only corner yourself income wise but grow those feelings of being little more than a pair of hands.
my name is Amy I am so excited to have stumbled onto this site! I was browsing a dating site 3months ago when I saw a pic of this man whose eyes intrigued me..I sent him a msg without even knowing he was in a wheelchair (u couldn’t see it in picture ) after I sent it I realized he had said he was looking for someone to see past his chair. I knew at that moment my life would Change because it didn’t bother me at all.in fact it got my attention. he was so down before I met him he had convinced himself no one worthy would want to date him.I just want any one out there who feels that way to STIO thinking that way. its just NOT true.I had tons of non- wheeled guys want me but I choose hands down my wheelie! I love him so deep that I feel lucky to have what many never experience with love..mmm mmm I love my strong man!!
Amy, aka Lance’s Girl, =-). First of all, thank you for your post, secondly, thank you for being ‘you’ ;-), and thirdly, thank you for giving us, “wheelie guys” hope and inspiration that decent, thoughtful, kind hearted women do exist that can find, adore, and even love the real “guy”, who just happens to be sitting in a chair most of the time. =-).this Dec 22nd will be 5 years for me, and since I didn’t propose the night before, nor thef night of my wreck, I don’t have a wife, nor a woman in my life. Apparently I was going to propose to the wrong woman, although there were a lot of family ‘dramas’ that prevented her from even seeing me 5 blocks away in the hospital, but that was all in the past. Thank you Amy for reminding me that I’m not in the hospital anymore, and that I can (and i am determined now!) and will find a good woman who will love ‘me’, and not just my. Ti Lite =-). Thank you!!!! Hey Lance, better not mess this one up dude, or I might have to come looking for ya! =-). You two be exceptional!!! God Bless~
Don’t forget: never slam on the brakes while you’re driving if your date doesn’t have good abdominal control. I made that mistake, and nearly bruised my guy’s chest and whipelashed his neck because he slammed forward so hard. Luckily, he usually drives (his car is way cooler any way) and now I know to warn him if ever a squirrel jumps out as us again.
Many people don’t even consider the thought of any sexual activity with any paraplegic, first thought of both men and women are that they tend to see the wheelchair as a obstruction (DEFINITELY NOT), you would be surprised to what the paraplegics get up to with use of their wheelchair, many can even get around their home without the use of the wheelchair. The upper body strength is immense and most can achieve a great sex life, in any form of a relationship, you two have made a crossing and your undecided how to tackle the problem (1st mistake, were human not robots lol) look at the wheelchair as an implement towards sexual activity, a point forward before getting to the bedroom…
You have made it this far with them, so why not go that point further and try to find out, you might be in for a surprise yourself, everything said its up to you how to tackle this, many people can offer advice but many won’t do this themselves, so go for it and have a great sex life am sure you will thoroughly enjoy the sexual activities with your disabled partner, try to look at their point and how worried they will be when it comes to making love to you…
Hello. I have an usual question. Is there anyone out there who changes their own cath. The nurses that have been coming say, “We are a skilled nursing group. We teach.” Okay. My doctor (an hour from my home) has told me I can come there, but that doesn’t sound like a good time! I appreciate this site. I also like the new format. Hope someone has some answers. (Also, I had a friend helping me for a while, but he doesn’t feel comfortable.)
Cassie: most who have enough hand function do find it less painful to “self-cath” so the nurse lessons sound like a good option. The medical term is Clean Intermittent Catheterization (CIC). You can read more about it here: Supra Pubic Catheters
Graham, thank you for your advice to not become my man’s main carer! You were absolutely right and since my last post he and I have worked through many things including the different roles we play and how we treat each other during each of them. It has helped immensely!! I wish I had thanked you sooner without having to throw another question out there to give you and the others in this forum thanks and gratitude!!
With that said, I do have another question…
Fortunately, my boyfriend and I are GREAT communicators. We are great in communicating what we need and would like to see from our sex life too, but there is something that has come up recently as our relationship continues to grow..
It isn’t the action, but the timing that tends to hinder our performance and frequency. He uses Viagra and we have talked about how often and when he could take it to help create opportunity, but sometimes he doesn’t like taking it due to the headaches and how expensive it is. My problem is that I need my mind to be in the right place in order to perform sexually and don’t always find it there when he has taken the meds and the opportunity arrives. So as the week progresses I feel terrible for not taking the opportunity when it was there, but didn’t want to do something that mentally I wasn’t connected to.
Basically, we both have mind/body connections that don’t always happen simultaniously and I was wondering how others handle this.. if others have the same issue.
There have been many instances where our minds were in the right place, but his body wasn’t or we were in an environment where we couldn’t, like at my house where he can’t comfortably lay down, or when the kids are home and can hear our every move. Sometimes when we have the opportunity I feel pressure to make it happen even though my mind/body isn’t into it (though he and I have agreed that would be WAY worse than not taking the opportunity). I have a fantasy about performing when he is in his chair, but he has mentioned that the Viagra is not as effective in that situation. We have explored with other positions and outside of genital to genital, but we are both missing the intimacy that comes from intercourse. What do others do in this case, is there anything to do or is it just part of the territory? All we know to do is to tell each other how much we love each other and that we will be in sync again soon, we just have to keep trying.
Loveorhobby, I’m a paraplegic (Th10) and recognize the situation you describe and you know if wanting becomes a must; it’ll never happen! I used viagra but didn’t like it; got a red head and it didn’t work long enough for me. I tried a lot of things and ended up with cialis (in the usa you can try it for free; http://www.cialis.com and to be honest I latetely use the illegal black 800. Lasts the whole weekend! I experience a big difference in my sexuality before and after the accident. What used to be easy, natural and more or less uncontrolled aggressive is for me now a time consuming (don’t come to me for a quicky), active search and exploration of eachothers erogenic zones (which really could be anywhere and -according my experience- can travel arround your body. And to be honest I use the arrousal of my partner to enhance my own by floating with her. Basicly it means time enough (a couple of hours least), a lot of active arrousing (talking, touching, kissing, teasing), playing and enjoying eachother without the “must’s”. We experiment; Tantra, body painting, searching, finding out and I can tell you. It can be very intense together (maybe one out of 5 even mind-blowing) It won’t be like it was before or with someone else but he, if you had different experiences, non of them were the same, were they? What I wanted to say is try actively to find your deep intimacy, be curious, open minded en I’m shure you will be surprised where you’ll get. no one said it would be easy, but what a world to discover. enjoy it. (if my english is a little bit shabby; I’m Dutch ;)
I am incomplete paraplegic ad walk using my walking sticks but no more wheelchair for me.
Getting a girlfriend has been really hard and sex is just a dream. Not a wet one:-P
I can have an erection and orgasm and consider myself as a good lover if give a chance! I had a short relation with this lady who wanted to me not wearing condoms! She already had 2 kids with different dads. I did a runner :-D
The problem is that the women I like don’t like me back or don’t show it. Then there are those older women who like me. I am not looking for a mother for me but perhaps for a mum for my future children!
Another issue is that I am now over 50 even I look perhaps 40. On dating sites I get no chance from 30 something women I prefer. Women of my age have seen and experienced it all and I want my own kids rather than her grand kids.
So I am thinking about getting a girlfriend from Asia where they are not so worried about age?
Henry,
you are over 50 and considering starting a family. If that is what you want I say go for it although I am concerned that you mention “getting” a girlfriend from “Asia where they are not so worried about age.”
Henry, what about a loving relationship w your partner and a stable environment for any children you may have? Stability is important as is love. It sounds as if you are almost seeking a mail order bride or am I reading it incorrectly?
Yes, it’s tough at over 50 to have a 30 year old interested in you, but I believe that to be societal rather than due to any disability. There’s a 20 some year age difference there and while that might work quite well for some please consider taking love into the equation and get to know the potential mother of your children well.
Also, if you are meeting a lady in your own age group who has children you could be a much loved step father. There is nothing wrong w that as I have lovely step parents I adore. Just some thoughts as I pondered your post. Best of luck to you.
How ya doin Henry,well i guess a person has to search out what he wants,in a relationship.And your right it is hard when you are disabled,to find someone,i have found the same problem,i am a paraplegic,and an amputee,and i have noticed women only see my chair.But i figure those are the women that are only lookin for one thing anyway(and i believe you know what i mean.)so i pay no attention to em.there is someone out there for everyone,i do honestly believe in that.i guess you can look in other countries,but you know the young ones will find ya there,and most of the time they are only lookin for one thing first and thats a way to get over here.so Henry i guess my advice would be keep your heart open and that special someone will come into your life when you least expect it,i wish you all the luck in the world my friend.
I am 25 and I’ve just started dating a man in a wheelchair. I’m scared and unsure about what to say, I tend to try to be normal as he is independent. But now realise its not as simple as that.
I look at him and think he is amazing, such a happy person with a heart of gold. His mental strength and positivity is so admirable.
Just sometimes unsure, like if it is ok to discuss toilet behaviour,
What an amazing page I’m so glad I came across this.
@Mona2401 toilet stuff is really personal as it is with most people. Wait until you have been it really serious for that. For me any other subject on me is cool at anytime. Education is the best policy especially if your dating. I wouldn’t want to be dating a girl get serious then tell her something she can’t handle and it be over.
Mona2401,
It’s important to know as much as you can about how your partner’s body works, but there’s no rush. It’s up to you when to ask, but if you’re comfortable asking sooner than later, I’d say go for it! One thing my man and I have best going for us is the ability to talk about how both of our bodies work. There’s no shame in talking about basic functions. My man actually likes when I ask specific things because he would rather I ask then have misconceptions. Good luck!
Thank you for the advice and I have spoken to him about that and many more subjects, he loved that openness.
But there is still so much more to come…
@loverhobby your right as reading about a million other people may never be the same as how he lives and does things. I found that out when I asked :)
I’ve read so much and nothing phases me, but a lot of what I’ve read he can relate to but differs.
I love a man who’s in a wheelchair. I think he’s the best guy I’ve ever met. I wish he loves me in the same way and one day we will get married!
I wanted to ask maybe a silly question, do paraplegic people feel an orgasm?
Of course thr
Mona, depending on level and if its complete or incomplete, yes they can. Ive heard it described as “different” from before the injury but still awesome. Sounds like you are making progress w your guy. Keep at it and trust me, you won’t be disappointed that you did. :) Ive found that guys in chairs make the best lovers for sooo many reasons and are fabulous in relationships for far more than the sexual aspects.
Wow, thank u Amanda. Ur so right.
Just the way he kisses makes me tingle, he fills my heart with all things a woman needs, kindness love care concern.
I I’m finding it hard to understand, about orgasming when u can’t feel anything.
I read he can orgasm through mind and touch in places he still can feel.
Should I ask, even tho its just curiosity and I don’t feel ready to take that next step.
I also feel scared of hurting his legs, like when we cuddle I’m paranoid that ill twist his leg n him not be able to feel it and me end up breaking it. Sounds so silly but I just want some reassurance.
Well, it depends on how close the two of you are.. would you be comfortable with him asking you how you get off? Think how you would feel addressing that question w someone. The thing to remember is that he’s still a man- he just may do some things differently. So, if you are that close and that comfortable ask him.. if not wait until you are closer. Also, cuddling will not hurt his legs :)
Thank u Amanda for ur guidance and kindness.
He is real open about himself and his lifestyle, but I think i will wait and let things progress naturally.
Ur words r very much appreciated :)
Mona, Im more than happy to answer any questions I can as is everyone else on the site. The way to learn about things you are unfamiliar with is by asking so feel free. There is always someone here with an answer.
Good luck with your guy. You will have so much fun so laugh, love and enjoy!!
I’m 18, and more and more lately I’m starting to feel like I’m only alone because of my chair. Before you guys jump to the usual, “Oh don’t think like that,” I really don’t see any other reason. It seems like girls my age nowadays are only interested in sex, and don’t see me as a viable option for that. I feel like all girls are just quick to write me off as a no-go, rather than even give me a chance. It’s hard not to be worn down by it.
Dear Rathet not,
Age of 18 is a little early to have sexual experience unless you are ready to take the responsibility. That’s just the way I see it. I know the majority don’t see that way. Any way, I had the concern whether or not he has sexual function before we started dating. That’s completely normal. But I didn’t think much because I know he’s an awesome guy and I would like to know him. So I just gave him a chance and went with the flow. The sex happened naturally and I was totally blown away.
There must be tons of girls out there who would like to give you a shot and don’t really get bothered with the chair. Physical differences may make us concern a little bit because we tend to look for people that look similar to avoid the unknown. Think it similar as marriage between different races then you probably will accept it better. Also guys not in a chair may have other problems such as erection, or premature ejaculation. Think yourself as a hidden treasure, and only the lucky girl would discover it. Have confidence, have faith, and trust yourself. Try to be the best of youself even though if you are by yourself and alone. So when that awesome girl gives you a chance, you will be able to win her heart over.
@ Rather not,
I agree with chris.
You are young and can’t see that life is not all about sex, sex is nothing when two ppl dont connect mentally.
When the right girl comes along it should not be for a night but a lifetime.
And those too shallow to give you the time of day are not worthy of your presence.
Life is the best, a woman is an extra in life and shouldn’t be the thing that makes you happy, she should just make you happier.
“Rather not” believe me once you stop looking for it, it will all fall into place.
It is a case of “dont think like that”, negativity is affecting you, and rather than appreciate life and enjoy it to its fullest your following peers that only want a moment of fun.
Try and think differently, look around you and appreciate all u have, we rarely reflect on what we really have and just want more.
Think differently!
Yeah, i got hit by a car about 2 years ago and used to be really good with school. fish in the water and never had issues with girls, but after this happened its been fucking impossible to get a hold of people to hang out…let alone them look at you w/romantic potential. Idk, i guess i was spoiled by some of my college experiences…but still, this is ridiculous.
I mean yeah sure, you only want to be with people who are 100% for you anyways, but fuck…sometimes it’s nice cassually hang out, no strings. Who would have thought stairs would get worse after football season?
Anyways, for those who are dealing with this, I really admire you. I refuse to accept sympathy as I’m sure a lot of you are too, but I won’t give up.
Dear Epsilon,
Hi,i am Wheelzz,i thought that way to couldnt get anybody to hang with,
let alone a girl to look at me without seeing the chair.And i am an amputee and a para so they usually see my stump first.i struggled a very
long time with dating and wondering if i would ever find someone to see past my chair and just see me the person.if you can just talk with them
and show em that you are still the same person you were before you got hurt,you just get around different is all.i waited and finally met the girl i have always known was out there,she sees only me not my disability.
She actually found me and i believe she is an angel,she is the one person that i have always known was out there for me,and if you keep trying and keep believeing,i know it gets hard but you cant knock yourself down,remember,you are a great person inside and out and there is a special someone out there for you it just may take aliitle time for your angel to drop down to you.good luck my friend Wheelzz.
Wow so many things I can relate to… Loveorhobby I’m sort of in the same situation I started dating a man who’s been a quad since birth. At first he had other caregivers but I found it to be a bother to have them around during the times I was spending the night and such and wanted the time alone with him. He had a couple of people working for him in the beginning but then one person became ill and couldn’t work anymore. I ended up taking over for that person and became his full time carer. It was a huge mistake and that boundary of who am I? carer or girlfriend became more and more blurred as time went on. Don’t get me wrong there were other issues as well one being our huge age difference… 37 years between us and then finding out he wasn’t able to have children not to mention his elderly mother living with us pile all that together and it lead to me doing a lot of thinking. I was comfortable my life was predictable I was ok I had a place to live an income I also was able to work another job because of the flexibility of being his carer. But I am 30 years old… I decided I wanted more I love him very much and don’t know what I would have done without him we’ve been through so much together but I wanted more I needed more. It all came down to place in life he passed my place a looooong time ago he’s ready to relax I’m just getting started!! I’m still the carer and friend but that’s it. I still give him a kiss goodbye I tell him I love him like I tell him have a good day when I’m leaving… because I do love him and always will just like I love anyone in my life that I care about. I don’t regret a thing I’m glad I didn’t try and change his life to suit my needs been there done that!! Hope this helps…