sexual imperfection

Wheelchair Sex After Spinal Cord Injury

Wheelchair sex and the ability to develop sexuality, participate in sexual activity, and maintain long term intimate relations is desired as much by people with a disability as in the general population. The majority of spinal cord injury wheelchair users are 15 to 45 years of age so sex and fertility often become an important issue. The amount of physical sexual function and ability to feel pleasure or pain sensation after a spinal cord injury depends on level and completeness. In general, an incomplete spinal cord injury affects sexual function to a varying degree if at all, as opposed to complete where no function exists. 

For men with incomplete spinal cord injuries involuntary motor and or sensory function still exists below the level of injury. The ability to achieve a sustainable erection for wheelchair sex and reach orgasm is usually possible. After a complete injury the ability to achieve erections, ejaculate, and father children can be greatly compromised. For women complete or incomplete, following an initial absence of menstrual cycle, fertility is rarely impaired, though vaginal lubrication may be. In both sexes limited to no sensation below the level of injury is common. By having wheelchair sex many couples are re-discovering sex after spinal cord injury. Wheelchair sex enriches their lives and results in a more understanding closer relationship. 

Safe Sex and What to do With Catheters

Never assume a spinal cord injury causes infertility or makes one incapable of catching and spreading Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD). Practice safe sex as you would normally. Men with a permanent Indwelling Catheter (IDC) can remove or fold back and cover with a condom or otherwise secure to penis shaft. Women with an IDC can also leave a catheter in during sex unless it causes problems. Stoma and those who self-cath (pass a catheter several times a day to drain bladder) usually do so just prior to sex to avoid any unwanted urine leakage. Supra Pubic Catheter users are free to engage in wheelchair sex, intimacy and sexual intercourse anytime.

Quadriplegia sex with catheters after spinal cord injury

Quadriplegia sex with catheters after spinal cord injury

Usually high level quadriplegics cannot go without a catheter for long. Care should be taken not to pull on a catheter during sex but don’t let it spoil enjoyment. If either wheelchair sex partner (or soloist) has major concern about a catheter for medical or aesthetic reasons tape it and any tubing to the body prior to love making. Be aware tubing pressed hard against skin can cause blisters. A sleeve of soft material slipped over the catheter and or tubing may avoid blistering. 

Orgasm Erectile and Vaginal Function

Men with incomplete spinal cord injuries may achieve reflex, but not psychogenic erections. That is; an erection may be achieved by physical stimulus, touch, not erotic vision or thought. While a more than adequate blessing for most, such erections are not always sustainable or strong enough for penetrative sex. Not only can unpredictable erections cause embarrassing situations during sexual intimacy but for wheelchair users in public (being void of sensation below the level of injury) unaware they have an erection. It has been reported that 45 percent of men have experienced orgasm after spinal cord injury. 

Complete injuries involving S2 to S4 affect the nerves responsible for two main chambers (corpora cavernosa) of the penis which fill with blood to create an erection, damage at and above this level makes reflex (physically stimulated) erections totally unachievable for most. If a sphincterectomy has been performed reflex and psychogenic erections are rarely possible. Difficulties with erections may eventually be experienced by nearly half of men with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) caused by lesions of the thoracic spine and autonomic nerves. 

The most sensitive area of the penis is the fraenum (underside of penis head). A vibrator applied to the fraenum can not only induce erection but orgasm, ejaculation. For a woman laying face up the erogenous zone is two to three inches inside the vagina and upward, called the G-spot. During wheelchair sex a womans G-spot might be more easily reached by sliding her hips up to the front edge of the wheelchair seat.

Women with incomplete spinal injuries are generally able to produce vaginal lubrication and enjoy wheelchair sex. For women with complete injuries between T10 and T12 there is typically an absence of either psychogenic or reflex lubrication. Attempted penetration of the vagina by any means may trigger adductor and pelvic floor muscle spasm. Be patient and never force entry. It has been reported that 53 percent of women have experienced orgasm after spinal cord injury. 

Medications and Sex Aids After Spinal Cord Injury

The introduction of oral medications Viagra and Ciallis have largely replaced their intracavernosal predecessors. Swallowing a pill has much less shock value than injecting and massaging meds into the penis. While both methods can help sustain an erection, the ability to achieve some form of erection in the first place, is most desirable.

I am one of the lucky quadriplegic wheelchair users who can get an erection simply by touch. I have tried Viagra several times. In the interests of research for this wheelchair sex article of course. I did not notice Viagra of any benefit to my usual sexual function. Viagra is really only of benefit to those who can achieve psychogenic erections (erections from erotic thoughts). 

Devices such as vacuum erection pumps can initiate erection and tight rings or bands applied to the base of penis will restrict blood drain from the penis once erection is achieved. Penile pump implants are also available but carry risk of erosion, leakage, or infection requiring removal. Some men with intact sacral anterior nerve roots are able to achieve stimulator-driven erections, though the primary reason for doing so is urination, not sex. 

Disability sex wedge, paraplegic sex swing, hoist bondage and armrests for wheelchair sex

Disability sex wedge, paraplegic sex swing, hoist bondage and armrests for wheelchair sex

Disability sex aids like sex wedges, sex swings, vibrators, the height of a bed or table, power tilt on a wheelchair and easily removable arm rests are worth consideration when purchasing equipment with wheelchair sex in mind. Partners of wheelchair users will attest the wheelchair itself becomes a sexual aid at times. 

For the more sexually adventurous, electric powered mechanical sex seats and fetish equipment like neck braces, casts, catheters, crutches, straitjackets, bondage, electrostimulators, mouth spreaders, and speculum devices exist.

Sex lubricants such as K-Y Jelly can assist in achieving sexual penetration and increase enjoyment of wheelchair sex. Application of these gels or “body sauces” and massage oils to other areas where greater sensation exists may also prove pleasurable during wheelchair sex. 

Wheelchair Sex Positions

Wheelchair sex positions

Wheelchair sex positions

How do people in wheelchairs have sex? Just like any other person, usually in bed. Some sexual positions are more difficult in bed after spinal cord injury as paralysis makes it hard to roll over or climb on top, compounded by loss of leg function for support, and hips for thrust. Therefore some sexual positions are more easily achieved by practising wheelchair sex. Most modern wheelchairs have easy to remove armrests, swing away footplates, folding backrests and locking brakes and such easily accommodate wheelchair sex and greater sexual freedom. Those in wheelchairs due to spinal cord injury often describe their wheelchair as their legs and therefore it becomes a part of their sexuality.  

Paraplegics rely on upper body strength to perform adventurous wheelchair sex positions. Quadriplegics or Tetraplegics rely on assistance from their partner to do the same. For wheelchair sex sliding the paralyzed male or females bottom to the front edge of the wheelchair seat gives greater access for sex. When both sex partners have high level spinal cord injuries a sex worker may be employed to assist in wheelchair sex and intercourse. Be aware when limited sensation below the level of spinal cord injury exists, sensitivity above the level of injury often increases, and can become hypersensitive. Go easy on those nipples. 

Some find paralysis and wheelchair users very sexually attractive and actively seek them as partners. Most are caring empathetic people genuinely interested in people with disabilities. Occasionally however such relationships are sought assuming that a position of dominance and control will be given and can result in conflict or violence. Wheelchair sex fetish should not be thought of as perverse. Like any sexual practice it only becomes unhealthy or inappropriate and often illegal when forced into or thrust upon minors and unsuspecting, unwilling parties. For example; public masturbation, flashing and up-skirting. 

Throw Clinical Approach Out The Bedroom Window

As a C4 incomplete quadriplegic male able to achieve reflex but not psychogenic erections the sight of my beautiful girlfriend still makes me want to pin her to the wall and tear her lingerie off with my teeth. A clinical diagnosis deeming psychogenic, sexual thought and erotic vision of no benefit to establishing erection, bares no relevance in the bedroom. Scented candles, rose petals, lingerie, nudity, enticement, foreplay, wheelchairs and other apparatus can hold new use and appreciation for both sexes. Blessed with a patient willing partner I even turn my head sideways looking at my hoist lately. 

“Sexy is not about sensation. It took time to recognize that what I was feeling during sex was less about physical sensation and more of a mental build-up. It’s mind over matter, but there’s definitely a release. It was completely frustrating at first, but I think part of the healing process was learning the ways my body works differently after my accident.” – Angela Rockford

Experiment with your partner to discover the new frontier spinal cord injury and wheelchair sex brings. Talk with them to learn about their body, likes and dislikes. People with a physical disability often have a poor self body image, thinking they are damaged goods, broken, somehow less than. This perception or stigma is difficult to change in both the disabled and general public’s mind. Often an able-bodied sex partner will feel guilt for having full sensation. These feelings are normal and should be discussed, but don’t dwell on them. Healthy love making is about pleasing your partner. The person with limited sensation from spinal cord injury often derives great joy and sexual satisfaction from simply pleasuring their partner. 

A girlfriend of mine was asked what she sees in me because I’m, “not a whole man.” Resisting the urge to punch them out of their seat she replied, “He’s more man than any I know, I see the man not the wheelchair.” 

Spinal Cord Injury Emissions and Ejaculations

For seminal emission to occur the spinal cord nerves from T11 to L2 to the vasa deferentia, seminal vesicles, and prostate must be intact. Emission being a trickling or leakage of semen with no rhythmic contractions of the pelvic floor muscles as in true ejaculation. Some with complete cord lesions at lumbar or sacral level may be able to achieve psychogenic erections and emission. Retrograde ejaculation, where the semen is ejected into the bladder rather than the urethral meatus is common. 

When ejaculation cannot be achieved by sexual intercourse it may be induced by masturbation or vibrator stimulus of the fraenum (underside tip) of the penis. Emissions may also be induced by rectal electroejaculation (a vibrator applied to prostate via the anus). A hypo-gastric plexus stimulator can also be implanted to achieve emission, using a single inductive link across the skin. When neither ejaculation nor emission can be achieved collection of sperm by epididymal aspiration or testicular biopsy (a sample collected from testicles by needle) is possible. 

Fertility After Spinal Cord Injury

Fertility in men progressively reduces after spinal cord injury. A low sperm count with diminished motility (swim strength) is often due to continuing non-ejaculation, infection and raised testicular temperatures from sitting in a wheelchair and laying in bed for long periods with little mobility and poor air flow. Earliest collection and storage of sperm after a spinal cord injury might therefore be enacted. Seminal fluid quality may improve after repeated ejaculation. All good reasons to engage in regular wheelchair sex. 

It is essential to obtain microbiological cultures of the seminal fluid and eradicate any infection prior to proceeding with an attempt at fertilization. Fertilization success rates after spinal cord injury have improved with the use of seminal fluid enhancement techniques, intrauterine insemination, In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) and Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI). 

For women after an initial absence of menstrual cycles fertility is rarely compromised. If the spinal cord lesion is complete above T10 labor may be painless. When unable to bear down effectively during the second stage of labor forceps are often used to assist in delivery. Autonomic Dysreflexia during labor is a risk for mothers with a spinal cord injury at T6 and above, this can be prevented with an epidural anesthesia. 

Sexual Access and Opportunity for Disabled

“(Sex)abled Disability Uncensored” celebrates people with disabilities as sexual beings. This 14-minute film made by San Francisco State University students features the bright and lively participants of the discussion panel sponsored by UC Berkeley’s Disabled Students Union called “Are Cripples Screwed?” Enjoy engaging with Bay area community members and comedian Josh Blue (winner of Last Comic Standing) as they share their personal experiences with wheelchair sex, dating and intimacy. Please consider making a contribution to the production of this video at Sex Smart Films.

For significantly disabled wheelchair users such as high level spinal cord injury tetraplegics (quadriplegics) on ventilators living in structured environments, nursing homes, group homes and institutions, wheelchair sex and opportunities for sexual and gender expression may be limited. Institutional barriers to wheelchair sex and sexual relationships include cramped conditions, a lack of privacy, unwelcome intrusion by support staff, prohibited relationships with staff, prohibited sexual contact between residents and prohibited sexual relations between residents and visitors. 

Disabled people’s sexual and emotional needs are rarely included in any discussion or representation in popular culture such as movies, music, and magazines. When disabled people are represented in more sexually positive ways by media, often social cultural and institutional supports follow suit, advocating for disabled people’s greater sexual access and sexual well-being. For wheelchair users with spinal cord injury this positive sexual representation not only promotes wheelchair sex. It strengthens sexual self-identification and heightens sexual self-esteem. It creates an avenue for non-disabled people to see the disabled in a more sexually attractive light. 

Disability in the Commercial Sex Industry

Paraplegics and quadriplegics are employed as sex workers in several fields. Increasing numbers of women with paralysis from spinal cord injury and other physical disabilities are being employed in the phone sex industry. Some customers specifically request sexual surrogates (qualified sex therapy educators who engage in sex). Others request wheelchair bound prostitutes. Some earn a living as wheelchair sex porn stars. Disability sex educators, with an actual disability, are highly sought after. Wheelchair bound glamour models are increasingly seen in the fashion industry. There is even a niche for medical equipment test pilots. 

A 13 billion dollar industry in the United States, commercial outlets and websites selling “disability fetish” calendars, pictures and videos of disabled women and men having sex, wheelchair sex, naked “gimp” amputees, girls in casts and various other mediums of wheelchair bound people having sex are increasingly common in western culture. Most are produced solely for pornographic use which is fine for adult porn entertainment but is all to often exploitative of the disability sector. Porn movies featuring non-disabled wheelchair pretenders do little to promote real wheelchair sex or sex with a disability. The wheelchair becomes nothing more than a prop. 

The relationship between disability and the commercial sex industry has developed healthier approaches through increased education and recognition of sexuality of people with disabilities as an important issue. With or without disability however gender imbalance will always exist, where women are seen as goods and men as the consumer or buyer of such goods. 

Disability in the International Sex Industry

The global sex industry is worth an estimated 850 billion US dollars per year spawning many illegal underground sub-cultures. Human trafficking is the fastest growing criminal industry in the world, targeting vulnerable sections of populations including disabled people. Globally, 27 million people are held in slavery for the two main purposes of labor and sex. Often considered unable to work, those with a disability are nearly always exploited for sex. 

Disabled women often enter into traditional prostitution as the lowest and cheapest commodity due to their extremely marginalized status. This places them at great risk of sexual abuse, rape and sexually transmitted disease HIV/AIDS. Each country has their own inherent problems concerning sexual issues, such as traditional customs and culture, access and support, education and advocacy, economy and research. The problems facing the international sex industry are many and positive outcomes few. 

Paraplegic Ellen Stohl featured in a Playboy Pictorial in 1989

Paraplegic Ellen Stohl – Playboy Pictorial 1989

Five Quick Wheelchair Sex Facts

  • A Braille copy of Playboy featuring the beautiful paraplegic Ellen Stohl was provided by the National Library Service for the Blind and Handicapped in the USA until Congress banned its production.
  • The average age of entry into pornography and prostitution in the USA is 13. Of these more than 10% have a disability.
  • In Australia, the Accsex Network provides disabled people with a “sex-attendant” and can arrange access to other wheelchair sex services.
  • The Pink Palace, a brothel in Melbourne, gained global media attention by making their premises wheelchair accessible and installing a sit-down shower.
  • In Zimbabwe some still believe that HIV/AIDS can be cured by having sex with a disabled person. 

Barriers to Sexual Expression After Spinal Cord Injury

Social attitudes and physical barriers associated with decreased mobility as well as a dependency on others for care after a spinal cord injury often hinders sexual expression. A social attitude that deems people with physical disabilities as dependent and helpless only fosters assumptions. It serves to prevent able-bodied people from accepting a person with spinal cord injury as a sexual partner. 

Perceived as very “needy” a relationship with a person of high level spinal cord injury such as quadriplegia or tetraplegia is imagined to be extremely demanding and never equal. This attitude can also become internalized by the person with spinal cord injury. They start to believe their dependency makes them undesirable wheelchair sex and life partners. 

wheelchair sex barriers after spinal cord injury

Wheelchair sex barriers after SCI

Wheelchair sex barriers after spinal cord injury and the true sexual desires, prowess and functions of people with disabilities, are greatly compromised by mythical stigma and stereotypes. People with intellectual disabilities for example are often believed to be oversexed and dangerous or asexual and eternally childlike. Other wheelchair users, especially those with a spinal cord injury are considered unable to parent, conceive, or adequately raise children. These false stereotypes further exclude people with disabilities from sexual activities. This has been highlighted by an increasingly vocal constituency of people with disabilities expressing frustration at the social barriers preventing full participation in life particularly in the taboo area of sexuality. 

Emphasis has been placed on social re-integration of wheelchair users like those with spinal cord injury in recent times. Schemes and programs have been developed to open opportunities for wheelchair sex, independent living, education, employment, health, sport, transport and physical wheelchair access. Many people meet sex partners and life partners at college, their workplace and social events, but for wheelchair users they must first be able to participate and express their sexuality. Only then can they be seen as sexually able and possibly sexually attractive. 

Identified Sexual Outcomes After Spinal Cord Injury

Today, there is a greater awareness that sexuality is equally important to men and women with disabilities and that sexuality is an integral part of the development and experience of all people. Much of what we know about the social barriers that people with disabilities face in relation to their sexuality comes from the reports of people with disabilities themselves. Disability activists have also played a strong role, campaigning for the sexual rights of people with disabilities, including the right to have sexual relationships, the right to be parents, and the right to access sexual services. 

Wheelchair Love

Wheelchair Love

People with a disability including wheelchair users with spinal cord injury don’t always portray the youth, virility, athleticism and physical beauty that is so sought after in western culture. Often resented by the able-bodied, seen as ugly and repulsive, the disabled body is hidden or presented as something to be avoided, corrected, and pitied.

Historically, there has been a fear that people with disabilities will produce offspring with disabilities, and a belief that this is something that should be avoided. Despite the history of exclusion, physical limitations, isolation and abuse, it is important to note that for other people with disabilities, their sexual rights are being achieved and they are leading satisfying sexual lives.

Both paraplegics and quadriplegics living with spinal cord injury are enjoying relationships of all kinds, having children, marrying other disabled people and people who do not have a disability. People with disabilities are enjoying active wheelchair sex lives, dating, loving, touching, kissing, hugging, sucking, fingering, and fucking. Some are accessing the sex industry, visiting sex workers, working as sex workers, consuming pornography, and in some instances, making pornography.

People paralyzed by spinal cord injury are learning and teaching about sex, as sex educators, counselors, and researchers. They are finding and sharing useful ways to enjoy wheelchair sex, express their sexuality, increase sexual pleasure and bolster sexual self esteem. Prioritizing the sexual rights of people with disabilities, as well as dissolving stereotypes, taboos and silences will ensure that these success stories become the norm for most people with disabilities in years to come.

Graham Streets
MSC Founder

Resources

  • Barry, K. 1995. The Prostitution of Sexuality. New York University Press.
  • Bradford, S. 2003. Prostitution Reform Bill Good for Disabled People.
  • Fegan, L. A. Rauch. W. McCarthy. 1993. Sexuality and People with Intellectual Disability. Sydney, Australia: MacLennan & Petty Pty Limited.
  • Gary L. Albrecht. 2006. Encyclopedia of Disability. University of Illinois, Chicago.
  • Hughes, D. 1999. Pimps and Predators on the Internet: Globalizing Sexual Exploitation of Women and Children. Oslo, Norway: The Coalition Against Trafficking in Women.
  • McCabe, M. P. and G. Taleporos. 2003. Sexual Esteem, Sexual Satisfaction and Sexual Behavior among People with Physical Disability. Archives of Sexual Behavior.
  • Miles, M. 1999. Blindness in South and East Asia: Using History to Inform Development. Disability in Different Cultures: Reflections on Local Concepts. New Brunswick, NJ: Transaction Publishers.
  • Mona, L. R. and P. S. Gardos. 2000. Disabled Sexual Partners. Psychological Perspectives on Human Sexuality.
  • Murphy, R. 1995. Encounters: The Body Silent in America Disability and Culture. University of California Press.
  • Noonan, R. 2000. Sex Surrogates: A Clarification of Their Functions.
  • Raymond, J. G. 2003. 10 Reasons for Not Legalizing Prostitution.
  • Richard, A. O. 1999. International Trafficking in Women to the United States: A Contemporary Manifestation of Slavery and Organized Crime. Washington, DC: Center for the Study of Intelligence, CIA.
  • Shakespeare, T. 2000. Disabled Sexuality: Toward Rights and Recognition. Sexuality and Disability.
  • Shakespeare, T., K. Gillespie-Sells, and D. Davis. 1996. The Sexual Politics of Disability: Untold Desires. London: Cassell.
  • Shuttleworth, R. 2000. The Search for Sexual Intimacy for Men with Cerebral Palsy. Sexuality and Disability.
  • Shuttleworth, R. P. and L. Mona. 2002. Disability and Sexuality: Toward a Focus on Sexual Access. Disability Studies Quarterly.
  • Silverburg, C., M. Kaufman, and F. Odette. 2003. The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability. San Francisco: Cleis.
  • Sipski, M. and C. Alexander. 1997. Sexual Function in People with Disability and Chronic Illness: A Health Professional’s Guide. Frederick, MD: Aspen.
  • Taleporos, George. 2001. Our Bodies and Sexualities beyond 2000: Disability with Attitude: Critical Issues 20 Years After International Year of Disabled Persons. University of Western Sydney, Australia.
  • Wade, H. 2002. Discrimination, Sexuality and People with Significant Disabilities: Issues of Access and the Right to Sexual Expression in the United States. Disability Studies Quarterly.
  • Sobsey, D. 1994. Violence and Abuse in the Lives of People with Disabilities: The End of Silent Acceptance. Baltimore: Brookes.

Websites

 

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About Graham - Site Admin

Quadriplegic Founder and Admin of the Mad Spaz Club. Spinal Cord Injury Keynote Speaker and WRD Ambassador. I like meeting wheelchair users and sitting in the sun at the beach. Why did I create and keep this website running? The simple answer is I like to help people. To give voice to those unable to speak. As an advocate and keynote speaker for spinal cord injury awareness I am not afraid to discuss tough and controversial subjects. I have become a better man for listening to you the Mad Spaz Club members, and I thankyou one and all. So willing to bare your soul and share your precious thoughts many of you have touched me deeply. I have cried and laughed along with you, it has been humbling, empowering, and will always be my honor. To all the valued members of the Mad Spaz Club I look forward to learning more about you all for many years to come, sharing with open hearts our experiences through the freedom of speech empowering us and making all our lives meaningful positive and the richer.

350 thoughts on “Wheelchair Sex After Spinal Cord Injury

  1. mamadi yaffa

    I feel like to help them then to do bad to them,because they are human like us.Is God who make them like this and make any one like this.We have to respect them as we respect our self.

  2. Juan&Anna

    Hi guys n ladies my name is juan n da girl that owns my heart it’s a para sexy young lady were both young ..we been dating for about six months now we recently moved in together n have plans to marry on our first year anniversary she’s a wonderful friend n lover to me I see her no different frm other girls we have the best sex ever not boring at all ..I just wanna let all u beautiful para lady’s that love has no face or size everything happeneds for a reason love herself before u let someone else love you

  3. kaitics

    Hey everyone,

    I’m Kai. I’m an incomplete para at t3/t4 where my s.c. is also twisted and pulled downward. i have a 12 inch fusion with cages, rods, screws, lags, plates, and pins. needless to say, my backs a mess. i’ve been para for approximately 3.5 years and i can walk with KAFO’s and forearm crutches. i’m still lacking in the sex department and it’s causing some real problems for me. i’m learning everything over again, like walking and how to use my arms and fingers. i don’t have sensation from about the waist down and function from my hips. sex used to be a big part of my life because i have tourette syndrome and participating in sexual things helped with my ticcing. so now, not only do i not have the pleasurable feelings i once knew, i also don’t have a “tic outlet.” anyway, just thought i’d introduce myself.

  4. jblack

    hi guys, i want to know how i can control my bladder without using a catheter.please help me. also want to date somebody who enjoys sex.love you all

  5. jenny

    Hi, I’m Jenny, I am T6 complete for 30 yrs. Just wanted to introduce myself and say thanks to all of you! You’re truly an inspiration!

  6. tyler

    Hey jenny how are you do you think we can talk about things I’m curious about a lot

  7. Jason Burrell

    Well I am disabled and diverse which means I am gay I get hit by a DWI back in ’93 and I have no voice I used my ZYGO lightwriter to speak with people that let me talk with them. I am a Mason, Scottish Rite, Shriner that they let me into their club knowing I am gay but that doesn’t matter I am alone but never lonely. I belong to this site for gay men who are disabled that didn’t last long they folded it up after 1 year. I am a gardener at our City park during the summer and I am an Aide at our school during the school year and I work at a CD and cards store in the cards. I am really sick of being the only disabled gay man that I know of. That seem very hard cuz I am good looking that what Gucchi’s said when I modeled for them I was a fashion designer not wearing a helmet cuz it would mess up mu do. You know of a place where I can meet some gay disabled men by any chance ? I am a writer also that means I write gay novels and that means I get a computer that I can talk/write with s gay disabled man. Please help me cuz I don’t like gay and lonely!

  8. Allison

    hi guys
    I’m 17 and I am a t10 incomplete paraplegic and I have been since I was 2. I was just wondering if there is any way I could actually have an orgasm? My boyfriend has spina bifida and the same goes for him? thank you in advance.

  9. becca

    Hi everyone
    I’m a C4/C5 incomplete quad female. Since my vaginal muscles aren’t working sex doesn’t feel right for my fiancé. I wandered if there’s anything I can do to tighten my muscles? We’ve tried “tightening cream” you can buy from sex toy stores but they didn’t work. I must say, I really appreciate the article and everyone on here. It’s really nice not to feel so alone :)

  10. Graham Post author

    Not much you can do about that Becca. Some mothers tear during childbirth and may require a stitch or two but that is very different to cosmetic surgery in your case. A stitch is not something we recommend to tighten vaginas and most doctors will agree with us. Maybe he needs a bigger penis. There are many non-invasive gadgets that claim to increase penis size.

  11. becca

    Thanks graham, I don’t think it’s his penis is the problem, it always did wonderfully before my SCI. I think our main problem is that my pelvic muscles don’t tighten the way they used to because I have no control down there. I looked online and found this “intensity” thing that basically does your kegel excercises for you to strengthen your pelvic floor. It is over $200 though, so I wondered if anyone has heard of this and if it works or not.

  12. gutierrez

    Hi becca my name its ana im a para T2 complete i had a car accident 3 yrs ago..im a relationship with a great man were both 22yrs old .n im pregnant with our first bby im 13 weeks 2 days im due in April 30/14 n too be real with u we have da best sex ever i actually had my first orgasm with him n he loves are sex life u might think u cant skish ur mucles but u can just push wen his inside of u ur vaginal mucles will skish his penis i do it all da time n im a completed para im sure u could do it also just push n grab on to him hard :) im just saying everything has a way dont feel like ur lose down there or nothing like dat .i felt like i was never gunna b able to satisfy a man before but now look at me pregnant n still can keep my boy friends hands of .of me but im loving it it feels good ur partner wants u n desires you in everyways n get creative too becca go all out dnt b scare n u might gunna tell me im to much but if u cant feel ur rectum then let him enjoy himself ones in awhile .im sorry if im being so straight up but everything has away ..

  13. jason head

    I have a T10 i just wanted to know if it possible i still can ejaculate i still gbut i geet hard by thought touch n feel but i get frustrated cause i do not cum can i is there a way wat can i do to help

  14. Marisa

    Hello,

    In the article Viagra and a vibrator was mentioned. However, my husband hates Viagara plus it usually doesn’t work for him. Are there any other drugs that might keep him hard? Also, is there a special vibrator to use? We have tried some but the ones we used only kept him hard while directly touching the head. Once we removed the vibrator, penetration wasn’t possible. Is there anything special to do to keep him in the mood? He usually is uninterested in any type of intimacy and we haven’t had sex for two years. Any suggestions? He is tetrapelgic/quadriplegic and has transverse myelitis.

  15. Graham - Site Admin Post author

    Hi Marisa, when he’s hard try placing a tight rubber (elastic) band around the base of his penis. This prevents the blood from draining out so quickly. Beyond the Viagra and Cialis type drugs is CAVERJECT (alprostadil injection therapy) taken for erectile dysfunction (ED). It is used when the nerves or blood vessels in the penis do not work normally. According to the AUA (American Urological Association), injection therapy is among the most effective nonsurgical treatment options for ED. It works fast — CAVERJECT can give you an erection in just 5 to 20 minutes. You inject it yourself — The first shot will be given in your healthcare provider’s office. After that, you can inject CAVERJECT, or your partner can help you inject. It is a local injection — CAVERJECT contains the ingredient alprostadil. It is a substance that is found in your body. It helps keep blood vessels open and your blood flowing. It can cause severe side effects so please consult your doctor before use.

  16. Sara

    Me and my boyfriend have been dating a year and a half, and in February he was shot, it damaged his spinal cord and deflated his right lung. The doctor said he still has a chance of walking again with lots of physical therapy. I’m still a senior in high school, but I promised him that I would go to college and become a physical trainer to help him. I really want a baby, not now, but some time in the future, since he was shot we’ve been having a hard time trying to have sex, whether it was privacy issues or personal issues. I love him so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

    He is a T9 incomplete injury, is there still a chance he can produce children, and even walk again? He uses Cialis and it works great, but are there any other treatments for his ED? Something other than the injection, he hates needles..

  17. Graham - Site Admin Post author

    Hi Sara, if the doctor says there’s a chance… then there is a chance of walking again although it may be slim. Cialis is usually the last resort – only prescribed when pumps, viagra, etc are not successful – but there are inflatable inserts as explained in the article. As for fathering children I suggest you consult his doctor or a few fertility clinics sooner rather than later. Keep in touch :}.

  18. melissa

    My husband was in a motorbike accident on the 24th Nov 2013, T12-L1 complete. He has had spinal fusion operation and was sent home on the 24th December 2013 with outpatient physio only (we were told because he can transfer from bed to wheelchair without much assistance that he doesnt need to go to rehab). He is unable to get an erection through touch or visualisation. What can we try? Also what are thoughts on colostomy bags? We are 1 year married (dating for 8 years) with an 18 month old son, im a student and we are not on any sort of medical aid so the next rehab option would be private and costs half a million rand (i was quoted this amount for 3 months rehab) which is outright unaffordable. Any advice is appreciated as this is new and hard on us all…thanks in advance.

    Kind regards,

    Melissa

  19. melissa

    I forgot to mention that they said he doesn’t need to go to a government rehab and that we are in South Africa, Durban. Thanks

  20. amanda

    No, Sniffer, I don’t feel people think that at all. I feel those of us in relationships know it goes far far beyond something so simplistic :) If you read more comments on the site, and the article above, you will read of many experiences that do not involve sex solely in a chair. It’s the same as it is for able bodied people- different places, different positions, etc. It isn’t just shagging in the chair… but in my opinion the chair can be fun.

  21. Scott

    Hi my name is Scott I have complete L4toL10 injury almost two years now have feeling in thighs and few other spots on my legs I have a colostomy and have to catheter . I have no feeling in my buttocks or my penis. 47 years old used Viagra a couple times before injury seemed to help me get hard enough erection since injury cannot get hard for sex have done some oral with wife but she don’t understand what I get out of it since I can’t even get an erection.she don’t understand it’s just nice to see her naked even. Does anybody think Viagra would work or not and if it did would I be able to ejaculate. Looking for some help but maybe it’s a lost cause someone please reply if you have any answers .

  22. amanda

    Hi Scott,
    I’m not sure if it would work or not. I think intimate relationships are about so much more than just the act of penetration. Throw the mindset out the window that traditional able bodied sex is the only way to go and experiment with each other to see what gives each of you pleasure. Trust me, there’s a whole world of different sensations you can discover if you two talk it through and try new things. And, it can be so much better than it was before. Communicate with each other openly and honestly and try some new romantic things. Remember, the largest sex organ in the body is your brain so remind her of visual stimulation, oils, romance, etc. I think both of you will be surprised how great things are. Hope this helps :)

  23. Angel

    I am in a sexual relationship with a man who is T3/T4 and it is absolutely amazing! Not only is he one of the most charismatic men I’ve ever met, he is gorgeous, sexy, sharp, witty, positive, successful and very confident. Those are all of the qualities that I think makes anyone sexy no matter if they are able bodied not.

    When I first laid eyes on him the chemistry was so undeniable that I didn’t even think twice about his chair. With that being said, what started out with a simple kiss (which was one of the most memorable I’ve ever had) has grown into something so hot and awesome. It’s true, you have to think outside of the box (no pun intended) you have to be open and willing and passionate about sex period.

    As an extremely sexual woman who has had it every which way and everywhere and anywhere I could I was excited to try the new found territory, and there has been no disappointment. In the last year I have been able to explore my secret sexual desires with him and he is more than willing which makes it all the better.

    I do think it takes a special person to be intimate with a person in a chair or someone with a disability and I am more than happy to be that person. It says a lot about myself and my character as well.

    I wanted to share this for the people out there who are insecure about their sexual integrity or sex life in general. You just need to find the right person. They are out there, and they are very turned on by the chair. It makes it that much more erotic knowing that what some would considered incapable, are more capable than most lovers I’ve ever had at making me unleash all my desires.

    I just realized that this may sound a bit self serving. Please don’t get me wrong, part of the eroticism for me is making him feel good and feel pleasure. It turns me on more than him pleasing me. I want to do whatever I can to make him feel amazing and pleasured. It’s like a mission!!

    We have played with lots of toys and I’m always searching and buying toys that will work for the both of us. Not just toys either, anything to make it hot!! Bottom line, the only sexual limitations are in your mind. You have the power to have a healthy, sensual, sexy, playful, romantic sex life! Find the right person and you’ll be satisfied. Promise!!

  24. Krishna

    Your website is very important and useful for a person with disability, their family and professionals. I just wants to understand that who can two persons on wheel chair do sex with each other without the help of any other person?

  25. Larry

    Howdy, name is Larry. I found this website while browsing for information regarding paralysis. I have recently met this beautiful woman on a dating site and she has partial use of her legs due to a broken back from a fall some yrs ago. There is so much information that I don’t know about this topic. She has an abdominal catheter and get around impressively well on her own. As a newcomer to this type of life style, I’m looking for people that can help me understand how to best care for her needs and find things/activities that she can do. Also, is it normal for some one with paralysis to have depression. All I want to do is take away all her pain because when she smiles my world brightens up.

  26. cncrsucks

    Hi my name is tj im a recently paralyzed quad at c4 incomplete I think. This has happened within the past 9 months I wad in comma for 4 months there for im am still v eary week in yhe areas I can move I haven’t had an erection yet I also Cath but still have bladder problems im worried I won’t have sex or if its safe and im also worried because girls my age (20) seem scared to be in a relationship with me plz help

  27. aza

    Hi i had an accident and im paralyzed t10, happily married and want to start trying for a baby,
    I wanted some peoples personal expirences and how they concived.

  28. 1luckygal

    Hi there!

    I am in love with the most thoughtful, gorgeous, considerate, generous, passionate and sexy man I have ever met. And, to my continual amazement, he loves me, too. He has been in a wheelchair for nearly a decade due to ms, but I don’t know how to describe the condition of his spine. I’m still learning.

    Thank you for this site! Similar sentiments have been written in previous comments, but I think they are important and bear repeating: I don’t see the wheelchair.
    We met online, began writing to each other, then chatting on the phone, then the chats became 3-4 hour nightly talks.
    The night before we planned to meet in person for the first time, he sent me a text expressing fear that I might not like him as soon as I saw him in his wheelchair. He had told me about it during the time we were writing, and in subsequent conversation he had shared stories that gave me an idea of what his daily life is like. So I was surprised by his last-minute apprehension. I told him that there was no way he was going to get out of our date!
    Seeing him in person that first time was even better than I thought it was going to be. I had prepared myself to wait a while before kissing him, wanting the anticipation to build. Apparently, the weeks of talking were all the waiting I could handle, because that preparation went right out the window and I kissed him before he had a chance to say anything other than hello.
    I had also prepared myself for “seeing him in his chair.” Later, when I was driving home, I realized how unnecessary that preparation was! I don’t know how better to describe it other than what I said at the start: I don’t see the chair.

    Of course I don’t mean to minimize the significance of his unique situation and challenges, and that his chair is part of who he is in that regard. But I’m not “making a trade-off,” “settling,” or giving anything up in this incredible relationship. In fact, it’s the other way around.

    I want to share this story with visitors to this page because I hope it at least it will give you a smile if you’re as lucky as me, or give you a little bright spot in your day if you are in a wheelchair and are having a bad day. And, heck, I don’t mind bragging a bit about my guy.

    Thanks for reading this post, thanks for this site (again), and my best wishes to you all.

  29. SexSwingKing

    Great article! I own a sex swing store and have always been a proponent of sex swings as a way to assist with sex for everyone. Inspired by this article, I have made a coupon code for Streetsie readers. Use streetsie10 at checkout at http://www.sexswingking.com and get 10% off any order!

  30. Starr

    Hi I have a bf we been together for 9 years now an he has a sci due to being shot in the neck an it shattered his t1t2 an he his feel stops at his mid stomach an he is complete…… He had this injury for 2 years now is it possible for us to have sex an will he ever walk??? Please give feedback

  31. Lexus

    Hello im 23 and im a t-9 complete injury. Im getting married in 2016 to my wife and im waiting till marriage for sex. I was wondering if viagra or extenze or any pills like that would give someone with my type of injury an erection and if so would it be as stiff as normal or not and how long does it normally last and was curious about the same thing with pumps

  32. ravynwood

    It has been almost 2 years since my husbands accident that caused him to become a T7/8 para. He has feeling below injury level even though he was told he wouldn’t and has been able to move his left leg twice within the last year.
    My situation is this: He informed me the other night that he has “given up on ever being sexual again”. (because he has tried some solo and no results) It frustrates me because I AM still sexual and DO want intimacy from my husband! It doesn’t have to be intercourse but he doesn’t even try to touch me or kiss me anymore. We have come to a crossroads recently where this is part of our issues (among other things) During our “discussion” he said one of three things has to happen: 1. We fix it for good, split before it gets worse, have an “unconventional relationship”. I love my husband very much (it’s why I chose to marry him and have kids with him) but I cannot take his attitude toward us anymore. Since coming home, I have become a roommate, nanny, and sometimes caregiver. I have ceased feeling like a wife. I don’t want to split but it is neither fair for me to have no say in this nor for him to feel like he is stuck too. (if that’s the case) I have never done the “open marriage” thing so don’t even know what to think about that…
    Any suggestions? (sorry for the long story)

  33. Chantelle

    Hello Ravynwood.

    I’m sorry to hear about the issues you and your husband as currently facing.
    I know exactly what you’re going through – my boyfriend is a C5/6 quad and we have been together now for 5 years. He is not capable of feeling below his shoulders and is not capable of erections without assistance. For the past 2-3 years intimacy has been almost non existent and I am like you where I am a sexual person and still require that from my relationship.

    His feelings of inadequacy and fear have been hard to overcome. We tried counselling and have been going for over a year. Counselling is working with us to help him understand that he is capable of providing me with the intimacy I need, and teaching me I’ve got to be patient because his loss is something I can’t ever make sense of. I do not require intercourse to be happy – only now are we starting (very slowly) to become intimate again.

    It’s a tough road – but I wouldn’t trade my relationship with him for the world. I am his caregiver 24/7 so I get where you’re coming from. But in my opinion an open relationship will only tear you both apart more. He will feel more inadequate, and you will feel guilty. In my opinion try counselling before making any decisions.

    If you want to talk further, feel free to contact me. .

  34. Larry

    I’ve been Spinally Injured with a C6-C7 incomplete T1 complete injury for over 21 years & have never really had problems regarding a successful sex life, even now at the tender age of 55. I get a stimulated erection very easily, I also take Viagra which can add additional longevity sometimes a full erection for several hours or more.
    I prefer in my busy life not to have a full time relationship with a women, I prefer my life dealing with my disability living alone after being married before my injury at 33 & having had three children.
    I’ve had many sexual encounters with the opposite sex over the years since my injury mainly encouraged by the women I’ve met, as I do believe you obviously lose some self confidence being confined to a wheelchair with a disability.
    I’ve recently switched from a manual wheelchair after 19 years to a very highly sophisticated power chair made by Permobil which is capable of almost anything position wise. Well to say it’s made my sex life even better would be an total understatement it’s truly amazing. My latest sexual partner thinks it’s fabulous & has made our sex life even better, after having good sex for many years but mainly laying on my back.
    Power chairs have come a long way technically over recent years & in addition to my greater independent mobility, improving the way I have sex has been a much welcome bonus. But as the chair cost not far short of £20,000 it should do Ha Ha.

  35. Larry

    Having read some of the stories & articles on here regarding sex for the Spinally Injured, I was a bit alarmed that some readers are having to buy Viagra online, etc in order to help their sex lives. More especially newly injured readers.
    Well I can assure everyone that Viagra is available completely free on prescription from the NHS for anyone with ED especially those with a severe spinal injury. My own GP informed me of this many years ago & I now have it on repeat prescription. It can not only be very expensive to buy Viagra, but also very dangerous to buy it online as there are so many being sold that aren’t the rea thing & could be dangerous to take.
    I hope this helps people who weren’t aware of this fact, just ask your Doctor.

  36. Kaycee

    I love this article and have but 1 critique… I’m a woman and I’ll tell ya, a woman’s most sensitive erogenous zone is the clitoris. I know quite a few inorgasmic women that have wasted a lot of good times, feeling the need to “fake it” while looking for the elusive (possibly imaginary) “g-spot”. I sit them down and explain the female genitalia with a heavy emphasis on Clit 101. The g-spot is a construct of the male mind with the express purpose of enhancing HIS experience while mitigating guilt associated with the female partner not getting near as much out of penetration as the male does.

    The clit is to the female what the penis is to the male.

    Erections are overrated, dildos are available in lots of interesting shapes and colors anyway.

    My partner and I practice mainly oral sex and/or mutual masturbation. I love a vibrator in any way shape or form! Heck, I’ll lean up against the washing machine while it’s on the spin cycle! lol
    The smooth flat side of an electric toothbrush head vibrates nicely as well. An orbital sander (minus the sandpaper of course)can get me off in about 30 seconds for a construction worker themed quickie. The Hitachi Magic Wand is perhaps the strongest vibrator out there.
    I just recently got an Oster Swedish Massager which I now believe is a must have! It turns your whole hand and even each finger into a vibrator <3

    Have fun Guys and Gals!

    What a turn on……………

  37. tariq

    hi i red comment from u people. yes i agree that paraplegic must have a sex life. as i myself a male 43 years t9-t10 para and i initially was not able to think about sex when i got spinal problem but now i can have erections and some times ejaculation.but the problem for me is that i cant find any women or girl t have sex with.i am still looking for someone………………

  38. Vincent R.

    Hello my good ppl! I am a very busy and active 29 year old C-4 C-5 sci quadraplegic. I was a virgin engaged to my fiance when I was in a car accident that paralyzed me mid chest down late 2011. We married Dec. 2011 and I’ve always been blessed to be able to get an erection with her help. She is the best women I have ever known. ALWAYS loving Me FOR ME and wanting To please me. I have been and still am regaining more feeling even after 3 years. God has been good to me. Therapy is great with helping bring strength and more sensations. Keep moving, keep pushing and keep trying things. We have GREAT sex. It gets better and better as my feeling grows. It started off no feeling but all mental and visual. It makes it 10 times better actually being with my soul mate. I have only had 1 ejaculating episode, but we are beating the odds. And so can all of you. God bless!

  39. Emmb

    Hi
    I see most of the articles are about enhancing sex life etc and about how others view people with sci … But what about people who have sci and are single? What about single people who’ve experienced sci and end up feeling incapable of being atractive let alone to others….facing prospect of being alone forever. How to discover if someone that expresses interest, whether they have some dusability fetish, mentioned on here, and to avoid? This is my situation. I am distraught at thought of being alone forever. Not helped by constantly plagued with skin lesions resulting in inproportionate amount of time being bedbound so not socialising. I have lost friends through my sci and other friendships remain but most have changed. Even my bestfriend who was at my side for long time after has ended up viewing me differently and a burden etc, undoubtedly not helped by my bedbound..Our friendship is dying. If I can not even keep my friends how can I hope to find a romantic interest?

  40. Emmb

    P.s Further to my last…I guess reading my last post it would seem that my worries over finding a partner might stem from my own low self esteem and how I see myself. From day one I never had an issue over being sci and saw lots of opportunities to just experience life from a different perspective and to enjoy activities I never would have tried. In fact, to force change when might have been bit stuck in a rut. The times not bedbound I have done quite a bit of new and/or adventurous activities and had very positive mental atitude throughout. Only privately from day one have I had these thoughts about meeting anyone. I have viewed the section ‘secret wheelchair thoughts’ and there are some beautiful pictures of people in chairs. I don’t look like this..since my sci I am saggy nearly everywhere..really saggy. The sort that cannot be rectified. Apart from sci how would that be atractive? Sounds vain I know. When engaging in the sports and activities, there was very little indication it could lead to knew fruendships…or more. In fact, although active every day I started to feel like I was just going through the motions. No real engagement. If anything, my positive mental attitude and thought that this knew situation forces change in your life (a good way) has reversed and eventually become despondent and down..not helped by latest bedbound phase. So my views on finding a partner or anyone being interested physically in me (apart from novelty/curiosity or fetish reasons) have pre-existed my ‘depression’…I really had a very uplifted view on it apart from this matter (and chronic pain etc, just the usual stuff we have to deal with). I do think it is very diffeent for a male with sci finding a partner and being attractive to others and especially the potential for pleasing partner than a female with sci. This view has been replicated by many..without my views being known. Sorry for going on….

  41. wheelchairJimmi

    Im in a chair and want to start back dating I need help to get back out there

  42. DostaDude

    Sex with a paraplegic can be fantastic. I used ti regularly fuck a T-11 para in valdosta, Ga named Sheree who was insatiable. She was also incredibly limber and could be fucked in many positions that able bodied woman could not do. She once wanted to prove to herself that she was still sexy and asked me to set her up for a gang bang and I shared her with six other guys one weekend and she was still horny after we were all worn out.

  43. Hunter

    I want to thank everyone for teaching ME about sex and paraplegic not just in our Country but In the world . I saw a Photo that really touched my heart big time , it was of a man who had no legs (WAR) and a woman who he found to just spend time with him , he had not had sex with a woman in a long long time . So this woman who he met online just gave him ( to me it was beautiful !!!) her time and took a bath with him and the photo is of them in tub , you can’t see anything . But them just being together was beyond Beautiful to Me . Everyone is the same in the bedroom I hope they would put wheelchair sex positions in every book about sexual positions . Sex is an act of Love and we all need it , I thank every paraplegic and spinal cord injury survivor , you make this world a better place !!! Thank you all again and keep in touch if you want to .

  44. Mutumba Emma

    I’m somewhere a T9 paraplegic, I’ve learnt a great deal from this article and comments, thanks.

  45. Cate

    I recently got out of a relationship, And now have started talking to a man, who is in a wheelchair. Never in my life would I have thought that I would find a man that makes me smile, makes me so happy, knows the right things to say and do and always treats me with the utmost respect, that every person should be treated. I don’t know which vertebrae is affected as I’m still learning, but I know he broke his neck when he was in his twenties. He’s now in his late thirties. We seem to be on the same page about everything. He is a total sex addict!!! Lol. We haven’t had sex yet, but we’ve done just about everything else!!!!!! Mmm …lol.

    He’s worried and maybe someone can relate to this: that he’s afraid of getting hurt, that he has never had someone accept him for his “differences”, that would completely give themselves to him, make time for him, help him with things. I feel he’s been used in the past and that’s what scares him. I do not know how to show him any more than I already have or am, that I like him for him, I do not care that he’s in a wheelchair, I do not care that he cannot walk, I do not care about anything physically different. I care about him, his feelings, his well-being, etc. he has ptsd from his accident…is there any way to build his confidence?!

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