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Sex love intimacy and relationships after spinal cord injury wheelchair disability

wheelchair-lovers-hands

Quadriplegic Love Lasts

Quadriplegic love lasts and I was about to find out just how long. It was May10th 1999 and I had only been working as a taxi driver for a few days when at my local rank several drivers wandered over to introduce themselves. Shortly afterwards the passenger door of my car opened and a man got in. “Hi, I’m Steve, hope you are settling in ok.” I looked into the sexiest blue eye’s I had ever seen and fell in love at first sight. Steve was flirty and easy to talk to. After chatting for a while he gave me his phone number and told me to call him anytime, if I needed anything, or even if I didn’t. He said we should grab a coffee back at the garage where everyone went once the night’s work was finished.

There was just one problem. I was married and so was he. Neither of us happily, as it turned out. Additionally some weeks later I discovered I was pregnant. My husband was a violent man who thought nothing of repeatedly raping me. On top of that Steve was already seeing a girl. None of this stopped us growing closer and spending time together whenever we could. Long after everyone else had drifted home from the garage Steve and I would still be there talking. While at work he would look out for me by removing drunk passenger’s from my car if he didn’t think I would be able to deal with them, and was just generally my all round protector.

wheelchair taxi

I knew that our feelings for each other were growing stronger. One night we happened to pull into the garage at the same time to fuel up during a shift. We went in to pay for our fuel and walked out onto the forecourt together. As I went to walk towards my car, he grabbed my hand, pulled me into his arms, and kissed me. I could feel the heat from his body as I surrendered completely to the embrace. In that instant, I knew the feeling’s I had for him were reciprocated.

Steve had to travel 150 miles to work and stayed with family, or friends in the area. A few times he even stayed with my husband and I. As I mostly keep my marital problems to myself it wasn’t until years later Steve would come to tell me he always had a bad feeling about my husband. He knew something was not right between us and could see there was no love.

Steve’s own marriage was in bad shape. During work one night he picked up Kathy, an old girlfriend from his teenage years. He had pretty much separated from his wife so began dating her. As soon as the relationship began he realized it was not going to work. He wanted out but was worried about hurting her as Kathy was in a job that had a time limit on it and she was clinging to him as a savior.

The Game Plan

I took a phone call late one night towards the end of August. “Sarah, are you busy babe? I need to talk to you. It’s kind of urgent.” I replied, “No Steve, I’m at a rank and it is dead quiet. Where shall I meet you?” “Garage, fifteen minutes.” was the reply. I was there in ten, parked my car and got into his. He drove us out of town to a quiet area and began to talk.

Steve explained how he wasn’t sorry about the fling with Kathy, as he had ended his marriage, and that he missed his two son’s. He felt things with Kathy were going nowhere but she kept talking about their future. He wanted out and didn’t know how. I told him there was no easy way and pointed out how during the fling he had neglected work and his friends. He needed to get a grip on things and the relationship would naturally fizzle out. I think deep down we both knew the real reason it wasn’t working out with Kathy.

We talked for several hours that night. Steve knew the thing with Kathy had to end, he knew what he wanted, and I knew what I wanted too. I would have to end my, very unhappy marriage, and try to escape it to be free. Steve was the first person to feel the baby I was carrying move in my belly, everyone assumed it was his, and that we were already seeing each other. Someone had told his estranged wife we already were, but we didn’t know who.

Steve started working more, and things began to get back to normal. He was desperately trying to extract himself from Kathy’s grasp but she kept telling him she would fall apart if he left. He struggled with the guilt, and his ever increasing feelings for me. On the 21st of September, it was Steve’s older brother Mark’s birthday. Kathy, Mark and his girlfriend Louise, plus another driver and his girlfriend all went out to a local pub/club. I drove them to the venue.

No More Secrets

As they got out of my car Steve said I should get there 20 minutes earlier than they had asked me too, and text him when I got outside. So I did, and two minutes after I sent the text, Steve came outside alone and got into the front seat. He pulled me into his arms, kissed me passionately, and said to me, “Right, I’m going to tell her it’s over, tonight, I can’t take it anymore. Sarah, it’s you I want, and if I have been reading this right, I know you feel the same.” I looked at him, “Steve, you know I do, I just didn’t know if I should say anything.”

We did everything but make love right there in the car. Only because there wasn’t time, I wish there had been, no one had ever made me respond the way he did that night without actually having sex. I had never wanted someone so much in my life. He wasn’t put off by me being pregnant. He told me I was incredibly sexy, and he wanted me, so badly, but he had to end it with Kathy first. We arranged to meet for breakfast/lunch the following day. I figured I would tell him everything about my marriage then, and how scared I was of my husband.

I dropped everyone off home, Steve and Kathy last. I got out of the car to say goodnight and he hugged me like he never wanted to let me go. I saw the realization on Kathy’s face, she knew what was coming, and she knew why. She was slim, kind of pretty, younger than me, and a professional stripper. She knew she was going to lose Steve to a married, pregnant, taxi driver. It had been raining heavily on and off most of the night, so after getting me to promise I would drive home safely, and me telling him not to do anything stupid, he promised to call me the next day.

I drove home to my very drunk and unpredictable husband. He was still awake when I arrived. He looked up at me from his chair, “Dropped your lover and his bird off have we?” I looked at him, “George, it’s over, I don’t love you. I want a divorce. Steve isn’t my lover but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t lie about how I feel and I don’t want to. I want a divorce because I want to be with Steve and he wants to be with me. I’m sorry, but there it is.” He freaked out, “I knew it, you’re fucking him aren’t you, that baby is his, isn’t it, that bastard slept in my house, drank beer with me, and all along you and him were fucking each other behind my back! Well, he can have you, I don’t want you, after he’s had you, dirty little slut!.” And with that he stamped off to bed, after about half an hour I followed him, and slept, not very well.

The Accident

At 7.45am my mobile phone was ringing. I woke to a voice on the other end asking who I was, and explaining, “This is Paul, Mark’s twin brother, where is he, it’s urgent.” Fear gripped me. I knew something bad had happened to Steve. “What’s happened, its Steve isn’t it. Tell me what’s happened!” His reply will never leave me as long as I live. “Yes, he’s been in a car crash, it’s not looking good. I need you to find Mark and get him to hospital quickly, may not be much time, I’ll keep ringing around, just get there quick, and safely, ok?”

tetraplegic crash

I was dressed in a shot, my heart pounding, crying and praying to who I don’t know. George woke up, I told him what had happened, told him I was going to the hospital and I would be as long as it took. He watched me in silence as I finished dressing and ran out of the bedroom.

When I arrived at Mark’s house he was waiting for me. “It’s all my fault, I told him he had to move his car. It was across my driveway. He was driving that stupid bloody TVR of Kathy’s. I think they had a row, about you. He’s in love with you isn’t he Sarah?” I just looked at him with tear’s pouring down my face and nodded. “I’ll drive, Sarah you are in no fit state love.” I just totally disintegrated. Louise put her arms around me as I sobbed uncontrollably, and we got into the back of my car. She held me tightly as I wept on the way to the hospital.

On arrival at the intensive care unit of our local hospital we were informed Kathy had died instantly in the crash. The car had hit a massive puddle and slammed into a large oak tree at about fifty mph. She was not wearing a seat belt. We were not allowed in to see Steve. They were too busy trying to stabilize him, so we waited… and waited.

Paul and Mark talked in low voices in the corner. I heard my name mentioned, and Paul say that I should go home, as I was six months pregnant, and they were worried that it was all too much for me. I walked over to them, “I’m not leaving, I’m staying. I want to see him. He needs to know I’m here.” Glancing at Paul, “Does he know, Mark?” Paul looked at me, “Yes, I know, we all knew before he even admitted it to himself. For the last four months all Steve has talked about is you Sarah. Of course I knew, he’s my baby brother after all.”

After what seemed like years, and about a million cups of strong sweet tea, a nurse came to us and asked who was first. Paul and Mark both indicated me, and she asked me to follow her. I went into a bay with four beds. Steve lay in the furthest from the door on the right. His neck brace still on, lines and tubes everywhere, and surrounded by machines. She told me he was heavily sedated but would hear me and know I was there.

She found me a chair but I stood there, next to his bed, more tears came. “Oh Steve, I told you not to do anything stupid and you didn’t listen did you? Oh baby please, hold on, I can’t be without you, not now, I need you.” His eyes flickered open for a second, “Sorry Babe, I’m not dead yet, I’m trying… I love you.” I had to lean in close to hear him, my tears falling on his face. “Don’t cry Babe.” he whispered. I stayed with him, for about half an hour, and then realized that I should let his family in to see him, so I kissed him, on the forehead and promised to come back the next day.

Quadriplegic Ventilator

I walked out into the family waiting room and collapsed into Mark’s arms sobbing uncontrollably and shaking from head to foot. He guided me to a chair, and Louise found a nurse, who took my blood pressure, and asked if I had eaten anything. It was two in the afternoon by then. I shook my head at her, unable to speak. She said someone should take me for food, or home. Louise looked at me and asked which. I said food, so she took me for something to eat, and Mark went in to see Steve.

Turning Points

By the time we came back, everyone but Louise had been in. Steve’s parents had arrived and Steve’s wife was with them. She didn’t want to see him, and caught the train home the next day. Mark and Louise drove me home. Mark promising he would drop my car back later in case I needed the distraction of work. He told me not to worry, Steve was a stubborn git, and he would pull through. At this stage it was unclear what his injuries actually were.

I walked slowly into my flat where I was greeted by my now belligerent husband who without preamble asked if Steve was dead. I shook my head, told him I needed to sleep, and could he keep quiet, and look after Sean, our 2yr old son. He huffed, and agreed. I went into the bedroom, undressed and got into bed. Lying there, on my own, I cried myself to sleep.

I was woken around 10pm by a text message alert, with shaking hands I picked up the phone, and opened the message. It was from Shawn, another driver who worked for the same people I worked for. The text asked where I was, and Mark, and Steve, and how the phone was going mental with work. I sighed and rang him to explain what had happened. I tried so hard not to cry as I explained.

Shawn asked if that was why my car was parked outside Mark’s house, and offered to come and get me, so I could pick it up. I accepted, might seem a little weird, but I didn’t want to be at home with my husband. I had a quick shower and got dressed. George watched as I got ready to leave. “So, what are you going to do if the bastard dies then, stay and dump his kid on me?” I shook my head, “Not now George, drop it, please, I’m going to work.”

That night was busy. Steve’s phone was still diverted to mine, so all his customers were calling for a taxi, and asking where he was. I broke down and wept many times that night. The majority of his customers had seen us together, and knew how he felt about me. They were all very understanding. Mark was at work too, we met up for a coffee at the garage once work was over.

“You ok Egg Belly? Want a coffee?”  “No thanks Mark, Steve get’s me chocolate, I’m off coffee” (Egg Belly was Mark’s nickname for me as my pregnancy began to show). He looked at me, “You’re going to cry again, aren’t you? Come here silly girl, he’ll be ok, and you two will be together.” We sat in the garage, Mark hugging me gently while we chatted about why he felt so guilty about the crash. I have to admit for a short while I also blamed him. And myself because I knew if I had come clean that night in the car park, about how violent John was, Steve would have come home with me. Mark never found out about the violence until much later either.

Hospital Visits

The next couple of months were odd. I went to the hospital every day. On each occasion the nurses giving me a laundry list of the dangers Steve was in. Steve had broken C4-C5, damaged his liver and punctured a lung which was filling with fluid, and blood. He would be paralysed from the shoulders down for life. At the time of the crash Steve was 32 and I was 31.

One day I went to see him, and his mum and dad were there, and strangely so was his wife. She walked up to me asked if the baby I was carrying was Steve’s. I just stared at her, and shook my head no. I later overheard a heated discussion between her and Mark, she told him that she didn’t want him back, and if he lived, I was welcome to him. I didn’t see her again after that.

After a couple of weeks they had to do a tracheotomy, and told Steve he was not allowed to talk. You never tell Steve he’s not allowed to do anything, he talked! I explained that they would do better if they told him that it wasn’t a good idea. His memory at this period was shaky but he was certain that he loved me, and wanted to be with me. After two months he was moved to a hospital further away, a Spinal Unit in Sailsbury. I was by this time almost ready to give birth, and my marriage was dead, the love of my life was paralyzed and my whole life was in ruins.

Tetraplegic Love Lasting

I continued to work, until the day before Kieran was born on the 30th of December 1999. I had an emergency C section with the previous baby, seven weeks early. Unknown to me at the time, this weakens the uterus, so while in normal labour, the uterus ruptured, and I pushed him out by myself. The bleeding wouldn’t stop, the placenta did not deliver, my blood pressure was falling, and somewhere inside me, I knew I was dying.

I panicked as they took me to theater to manually deliver the placenta, the anesthetist was a friend of mine, and I was lying there on the trolley saying Ken, hurry up, I’m dying, please hurry, I don’t want to die, he tried to reassure me but I knew. Several hours later I woke up in intensive care. A male nurse standing by my bed looked at me, and said he knew me, but wasn’t sure where from. I grinned weakly and said Steve’s full name. He said, “Right of course, you’re his girlfriend. I remember now, blimey, he had the girlfriend who died in the crash, you, and a nasty wife.”

I was in the ITU for a week, and in hospital another week. They had to perform a hysterectomy, and were not exactly delicate about how they told me, “You have four children, you don’t need to have any more, we had to do the hysterectomy, or you would have died.” I was off work for exactly eight weeks. When Kieran was three or four months old I went to the hospital to see Steve.

Mark told me they would be ok, and that I needed to get on with my life. I was absolutely inconsolable for months. I couldn’t get over it. Suffering severe post natal depression, the loss of my ability to have more children, and the biggest loss of all Steve, I went and did the most stupid thing ever in the history of stupid. I had an 18 month affair with Mark, Steve’s older brother.

Kieran was 10 months old, it was my 33rd birthday in the October, and Mark organised a small party, at his house. His four kids were there, my four, Mark’s girlfriend, and my husband. Mark and I still dealing with our guilt over the crash, me with the death of my marriage, and my hopes for my relationship with Steve, my husband with his headlong dive into alcoholism and drug abuse, and of course wife beating.

Mark’s girlfriend and I went to the local on foot, leaving the others at the house. Mark and my husband had a fight. He asked Mark if he was fucking me, ever the smart arse Mark said no, but I’d like to. When we returned it escalated. My husband threatened me with a carving knife. Mark bounced his head off a wooden garden table, telling him, if he touched me again, he’d kill him, adding if his little brother was there he would not have offered the courtesy of a warning. The police were called and George was arrested. I was told I could stay there if I wanted to, they would make room, and with hindsight I should have, but I got a taxi home.

Closing Old Wounds

I arrived to find my husband attempting to burn the house down after having trashed everything. I called the police, they came, told me I was winding him up, it was the marital home, and he could wreck it if he wanted. On the 19th of November he kicked me across the living room in front of our 2yr old son and ruptured my bowel. I didn’t get to go to hospital for about four hours. I cleaned up the dinner he had thrown at me, and sat on the sofa, while the pain increased. Eventually he called an ambulance, warning me if I told them what really happened he would take our boy, and my precious bastard baby of Steve’s, and I would never see them again.

quadriplegic abuse
As we walked down the stairs at home, husband on one side a paramedic on my other, I began to feel sick. The paramedics shoes or my husband’s? No contest, as I felt the vomit rise in my throat I turned my head and puked all over his shoes. That made me feel so much better. I was in hospital for two days, before they figured out what was wrong, I was prepped for surgery, I had bowel resection.

Jim, a driver I worked with, and was good mates with came to see me. He sat next to the bed, looked me in the eye, and said, “Sarah, I know what’s been going on. I know you are frightened, and I know that’s why you haven’t left him, but this can’t go on. He will kill you in the end, talk to the police, please I’m begging you!” I looked at him, tears rolling down my cheeks. “You call them here, I’ll talk to them.” It took two hours to take my statement, they wanted me to go home, and said they would arrest him a day or two later… I looked at the police officer and said, “Who do you want to take out of there in handcuffs, and who in a body bag? Because I won’t be leaving in a body bag.”

Mark came to see me in hospital. I told him it was his fault. That if the family had not vetoed Steve being with me, none of this would have happened, he looked at me, and just nodded. The night before I was going home George came to talk me into forgiving him, promising to get help. I said the same thing I said the night of Steve’s accident… That it was over, and I wanted a divorce, and he was to leave when I got home, immediately. He was not to threaten to take the boy’s and he should be packed to go as soon as I arrive. He accepted this and left, taking my baby with him. I was terrified he would harm our kids.

The next morning it was like a military operation, my drugs were dispensed, and ready for 9am. Jim went to the house and met the police, they arrested George. Jim collected the kids, house keys, and came to the hospital to collect me. I went home in my pajamas!

My recovery took longer this time and as I couldn’t drive, I became the radio and phone operator at work, kept amused by all the drivers. Mark and Jim, to name a few, became my support network. Mark and I talked about how I felt about what had gone on with Steve and came to an agreement that it may have been the wrong choice to send him home to his wife. I never understood why they did it. None of them liked her, she was an awful wife, cheating, neglecting the kids, and the house. She was mentally abusive to Steve from the moment he got home. So while Steve was being abused by her, and I was being beaten to within an inch of my life, I completely failed to see who benefited. Mark did, he got what rightfully belonged to Steve, for a short while anyway.

Wake Up Call

One night at work a taxi driver I didn’t always get along with and I were sitting outside the garage smoking, and having a coffee. He turned to me and said, “Sarah, what are you doing?” “Well John I’m sitting here…” “No, you daft moo, with Mark. He’s not Steve, he won’t ever be like him, he won’t ever be him. No matter how much you want him to be. He just isn’t so you need to stop it, now! You get me? It’s only hurting you, not helping, it never will.” I looked at John, tears rolling down my cheeks, “I miss him John, it’s not fair, he should be with me, not being Annie’s pet husband, it’s wrong, it’ll end badly, I just know it.” And unaccustomed as he was to random weepy women, and show’s of affection, he hugged me tight, and said, with a great deal of foresight, as it turned out, “Don’t worry honey, it’ll all come right in the end, you two are meant to be, just keep the faith, don’t ever let go, and you’ll be together someday, I just know it.”

Wheelchair Couple Coffee

I don’t think I need go into the details of the following relationships, of which there were three, suffice to say, I ended it with Mark only a few days after John and I had our little talk. Soon after this my husband who was arrested for GBH with intent, skipped bail, and threatened to kill me. The council refused to move me until he tried, and I had been vaguely seeing the guy who fixed the company vehicles he offered for me to stay with him, we spent three years together, he was an alcoholic too. I had several affairs during that relationship, and as became my habit, when someone got too close I longed for Steve again, and sabotaged the relationship.

Frying Pan To Fire

I moved on, and had a short lived, sex based relationship with a soldier, 12 years my junior it was very short lived, but mostly enjoyable. I then got involved with someone 20 years younger. We were together for almost six years. During our relationship Facebook was invented and became a world wide access point for people to bugger up their lives, friendships and relationships. I found Steve and sent a friend request which he accepted. That was in December 2009, we didn’t speak much to start with, not directly. Annette didn’t like it so we commented on each others photo’, and generally kept track of each other. Steve has told me since that he was overjoyed when I sent the request. He had been looking for me but only remembered my married name, which I no longer used, and had bypassed me several times while searching Mark’s friend list, thinking it wasn’t me.

In August 2010, Annette got caught out in one of her numerous affairs, and while on the family holiday, announced the marriage was over, had been for many years in her eyes, she spent the insurance money, that Steve had got, and when that ran out, she started visiting sex sites, and meeting random men for sex. The bottom fell out of Steve’s world, he knew they had been in trouble for years, but she had systematically destroyed his self confidence. By the end of November we were in regular contact. In December we had some of the worst snow in year’s. My car was broke down in -20 degree temperatures and was out of action for three weeks. For those weeks, because our house is so remote, Luke my partner at that time went to stay at his mother’s. So he could catch the train to university. And I was alone with my two sons and my laptop.

Sweet Contentment

Steve and I talked for hours on end, with me filling in all the gaps in his memory of the crash, and of the following weeks. Telling him all the stuff that happened to me in those ten years apart and out of touch. He told me how awful that everything was after he came home, how every time they argued she threw the accident in his face blaming him for fucking up her life. When she had alone decided he would go back to her after discovering how much money he would get, plus all the benefits that came along too. Steve recalled, “She took me back to get my money, and pulled me away from you for financial gain, the spinal unit told her I had five years, six max, and once I passed six, that was it.”

By Christmas my car was fixed but my life was in turmoil once again. Steve thought I was happy with Luke, but I wasn’t. I felt like his mother, he was lazy, mean to the kids and our sex life was none existent. After about two weeks of arguing with myself, while Luke was fixed to the Xbox, I started an early evening chat with Steve. I had told him about my fling with Mark very early on during our chat’s and then said I had something else to confess, “You slept with Steve (Steve’s oldest brother) too.” He joked. “God, Steve, no! Credit me with some taste.” I replied, “What then?” he asked. I took a deep breath, and began to type, this is what I said: Steve, it’s you, it’s always been you, I am in love with you, I always have been from the moment we met, and that hasn’t changed. In all these year’s I never stopped thinking about you, wanting to be with you, see you, I am so unhappy with Luke, I just want you…

There was a long pause, it seemed to last forever. Then, “Really? when we started talking so much, I thought for a minute, maybe, hoped, but dismissed it, decided you were just being a mate, but you really still feel that way, you know I’m a cripple, don’t you Sarah? I didn’t get better Baby Girl, you know all this right?” “Yes Steve, I know, why would it make a difference?”

There’s things you need to know he told me, we talked a lot on MSN, when we got kicked off Facebook chat for using it too much. He told me all about his injury, his needs, and the hardest thing he ever told anyone ever, about his erectile dysfunction, and that he and his wife had never had sexual intercourse since his injury. But there are ways we can he said, she just couldn’t be bothered. He wrote it all on MSN with his Dragon dictate software, and the pause, while I read it, seemed like a eternity, the next thing he wrote was “Oh no, what have I done, it’s too much. I want to make love to you and I might not be able too… say something Sarah.”

I answered him, immediately, “No, Steve, I was just reading it, carefully, so I took it all in, so, tell me, what can we do, for us to be able to make love?” His response was one I will never, ever forget…” Oh God Sarah, you really do love me, and want me, don’t you, do you know, how I write text messages, let me tell you, I write them with my tongue, I can drive you to total ecstasy with my tongue, you’ll think you are dying with pleasure, I promise you, I’ll make you come, for hours, and when you think you’ve had enough, you’ll be begging me for more, I can satisfy you more than any man has ever before I promise, but we may not be able to have actual sex, do you think you can spend your life that way?” “Yes, Steve, oh my God yes, I am turned on just thinking about it.” “Good, and there are tablets that can help with erectile dysfunction, I tried Viagra but it made me dysreflexic, and Annette didn’t want to have proper sex with me anymore she had plenty of that elsewhere”

That conversation took place in the first week or so of January 2011, Annette had met a new guy online and stayed with him most weekends, which became four or five days, leaving Steve with her two kids from her first marriage, and her and Steve’s two son’s, who when they said they were splitting both opted to stay with Steve. We spent loads of time on the phone, having both taken out a contract with the same mobile network, we talked endlessly about before the crash, and after, and laughed, a lot. we sent dirty texts, he drove me to orgasm by talking to me, we had phone sex, my vibrator got a lot of use in those weeks, he loved to hear me coming while I gasped his name, and screamed it too.

Annette and her new man found a flat together, they were moving in on the last day of February, I arranged to go and see him, that weekend, the 3rd of March, I lied to Luke about where I was going, Steve had said he would hold me to nothing, until he looked into my eyes when I first saw him, and knew I meant it when I said, to his face that I love him, and his spinal injury changed nothing.

Quadriplecic Love

I arrived at his house around midnight on the Thursday, Callum, his 13yr old son let me in, and I followed him upstairs, I was so nervous, it had been so long, what if I was not how he remembered me, what if he decided it was a terrible mistake. I walked into the bedroom. Steve was in bed as the carers come to put him to bed at 9.30pm, I walked to his side of the bed, all the nerves melted away, we looked at each other for a few seconds, and he said, “Hi Babe, been a while, you look just the same as I remember.” I leaned over and kissed him, we forgot for a second that Callum was there, and he kissed me back passionately, and then said, whoa, children! Callum stayed for twenty minutes, went and made a cup of tea, and then, bless him, made a tactful departure.

Fatal Rapture

In minutes, I was down to my red (Steve’s favourite colour) knickers and bra, and in bed, in his arms. “Get that bra off, this instant, I want your nipples, where I can get them.” I did as he asked, “Come here, then, but remember you are the boss, you say how far we go, or not.” And that night, my nipples got more attention than they had ever had before, and I was gasping for breath by the end, Steve is super sensitive around his neck, shoulders, ears, and head, and I worked this out very quickly. We fell asleep, with Steve’s arms wrapped around me, and his body curled towards me, my knickers lost somewhere on his bedroom floor.

The next morning the nurses arrived, at 8.30 to do bowel care, just walking in like they owned the place, I had in the night kicked the duvet off me, so the sight that greeted them was me naked, wrapped in Steve’s arms, they didn’t know where to put themselves, but made no sign of leaving the room so I could cover myself up. Steve woke up, and said, can you get out, please, Sarah needs to get some clothes on, she can’t stand around on the landing naked while you do what needs doing, can she? they went out onto the landing, and I found my dressing gown, and dragged it on, I went and found the kitchen, made coffee, and waited while his bowel care was done, I could hear them, questioning him, about me, him telling them, that we had known each other for years, and get used to my being around. Is this the new girlfriend then Steve? Yes, his very firm reply.

It was an amazing weekend, the second night he did as he promised with his tongue, by far  the most stable position for this is me facing his feet, where he can get to every part he wants with ease, but I like to face him, because he likes to watch my face as I come, and look into my eyes as he works me into a frenzy, but that way, plays hell with my legs, which start to give way. “Turn around Sarah, I want that cute little arse in my face.” so I do, and in minutes I am experiencing the most intense orgasm I have ever had in my entire life.

My body takes over completely, rocking back harder and harder against the firm pressure of his tongue, while I scream his name, over and over, gasping that I am coming, like he was in any doubt! And just when I think it’s stopping it washes over me again, he pushes his tongue inside me, moaning softly as he does so, pulling me harder towards his mouth, murmuring “Come on Baby, there’s more I know there’s more” And he is right, I push back again, “Oh god, Oh Steve, Oh please, I can’t, can we stop…No, don’t stop, don’t ever stop Oh Steve, I’m coming.” A muffled groan is the only reply, and a giggle, as I change my mind about a break, and then change it again.

While this is happening, I glance at his penis, which with some attention from my mouth had hardened, and then changed its mind, but is in my hand anyway, and it’s hard, properly, “Steve, you are hard! stop a sec, I keep a firm hold, and switch back to facing him, then gently guide it inside me, his face registers surprise, I can feel that, he says, not all over but the warmth, the pressure, oh Sarah, you are a clever girl, I move gently, so we don’t lose it, feeling him hard inside me is just wonderful.

Looking into his eyes, as I move up, and then gently back down, then keep still, and use my fingers to make myself come, at this point, as I do, his eyes widen, in surprise, I can feel you tightening on it, and then he says he has this odd, fluttery feeling in his stomach, which he says is so pleasurable, and I can feel him hardening more inside me, this feeling intensifies, then slowly stops, I think that that was the first time I had an orgasm since my injury, he says, and that was just well WOW.

Wheelchair Love Lasts

So, although there is some erectile dysfunction, with the right stimulation, it’s not all the time, we use a drug called Cialis, if we want it to last longer, and be harder, but most of the time, I can get it to become hard, with a combination of him watching me give him oral sex, and the use of a mini vibrator called a bullet, or just him giving me mind blowing orgasm’s

Quadriplegic Love Lasts

The weekend flies by, and it’s Monday, before I know it, we have time to go to lunch with Victor, a friend of Steve, since they were 17, he is a lovely guy, but his and Steve’s friendship has suffered over the years, due to Victor’s intense dislike of Annette, and her treatment of Steve, and herself serving reasons for taking him back. He told me all about it as time went on, just before the accident.

Victor clearly remembers Steve visiting with Kathy, and telling him, don’t get too used to her, it won’t last, don’t let Justine (Victor’s wife) get too friendly, there’s someone else, I have fallen in love with, but Fuck, it’s so complicated, she’s married, but he is a dick, and I think she is scared of him, and she’s pregnant, and no it’s not mine, but Victor I want her and I know she feels the same.

I just have to get out of this, I can’t deal with her, she’s suffocating clingy, and keeps on about us getting custody of the boy’s, she doesn’t know anything about kids, and I just don’t love her, not that way, what the hell am I going to do? Victor told him to tell the married woman how he feels.

Then we are standing in his back garden, having a cigarette one day, and Victor suddenly realizes he saw me, the totally devastated pregnant woman at the hospital was me, and it all slots into place, and he say’s, “And you still love him after everything that’s happened, incredible.” So friends believe me when I say quadriplegic love lasts.  After all the pain, distance, and time, plus our many obstacles and mistakes, our love for each other has endured to this day.

Wheelchair Lovers Dating Paraplegics

We have been dating for about a month now. Our relationship is still as exciting as it was on our first dating paraplegic girls night you may have read about. We have a very open relationship at work now that Jeff is comfortable with dating paraplegics and wheelchair lovers. We have even made friends with other wheelchair couples who are new to dating.

Cindy is a paraplegic girlfriend of mine. I’ve known her for a few years. We met in a social group for disabled women I used to be involved in. Like me, she is a paraplegic in a manual wheelchair, but she retains some feeling in the lower parts of her legs and feet. There is another friend of mine from the same group that is a double arm amputee. She uses prosthetic hooks. I would like to take her out with Jeff and I sometime. Recently, a co-worker Rick, told Jeff he is interested in dating wheelchair lovers. So we set Cindy and Rick up on a double date. Two wheelchair couples means twice the fun!

Rick had often asked Jeff things about wheelchair lovers. He asked if I had any paraplegic wheelchair friends that might be interested in dating. Of course, I knew just the girl. Cindy is very attractive and interested in dating wheelchair lovers. She exercises her legs most every day to keep the muscle tone. She’s had a better head start on that than I did, because she’s only been a paraplegic for a few years after an accident left her paralyzed. She joined the group for support and we became instant friends. She tells me I am brave wearing skirts and dresses all the time with high heels and nylons, showing off my thin legs.

dating paraplegic wheelchair lovers nylon stockings

Wheelchair lovers nylon stockings

Her legs look great, having not lost much muscle tone due to her regular exercises and therapy. Her doctors say she may even regain some movement, but for now she spends her day’s mobile only through her wheelchair. She always wears pants and very safe tops, even though she has a chest that any man would want to see more of. She has a hard time believing a handicapped girl in a wheelchair can be sexy – so tonight when we go out, she’s agreed to let me chose what she wears! Since we’re the same size, from waist up anyway) I’ve promised her something very sexy from my own wardrobe that is going to cause Rick’s eyes to bulge!

Couples Dating Wheelchair Lovers

So far, we have been on three dates with Cindy and Rick. Rick’s curiosity of wheelchair lovers is paying off. He enjoys dating is new paraplegic girlfriend. He has yet to see Cindy’s legs. He’s been polite; not talking about her disability since he knows it makes her a little shy. And except for a few kisses, there has been no intimacy between them. She has never even been out of her wheelchair when she’s around him. But they make a cute couple and are getting along really well.

Cindy asked me about the leg braces I wear at work, if I like using them and how they feel on my legs. She swears she would never wear them but I’m going to see if I can change that. Of course she couldn’t wear my right one, since my leg is shorter and right shoe smaller for my smaller foot. But my left one is just right I think. I know she wears the same size shoes as I do on my left foot, and the length is right. The only thing may be it fitting too tight around her leg, since my legs are so thin. We’ll just have to see I guess.

So right after work we head to my house in our separate cars. Cindy is used to driving with her hand controls that are just like mine. The only difference is her wheelchair easily collapses so she can load the chair into her car after she gets in. She just has to re-assemble it when she gets where she’s going which only takes a few minutes.

I arrived home first, and when she wheeled up my ramp to my open front door I was still in my braces but using my wheelchair to move around the house. I was still in my skirt and blouse from work, and had my right leg crossed over my left one in my chair. She knew my house well and made herself at home with a drink from the kitchen. I told her I was going to wash up before changing clothes and she could do the same since I have the accessible shower. She went ahead since I still had to take my leg braces off and undress.

Naked Paraplegic Girls Wheelchair Beauty

From my bedroom, I could see her undressing in her wheelchair in my bathroom – lifting her legs to her lap to remove her flat dress shoes, wiggling out of her pants and panties, and taking her blouse and bra off. While I took the straps loose from my braces, I watched her transfer from her chair to the shower chair and pull her legs into the stall behind her. Even though I have to do these things myself every day, it’s still interesting to see how another paraplegic does things. Also, to see another beautiful woman doing them is a treat too. I’m not a lesbian by any means, but I do admire her very attractive body.

So I finished with my braces, and removed my limp feet one at a time from my three-inch pumps. I left the braces on the bed, shoes attached, hoping they would spark interest in Cindy and she would want to at least try them. I didn’t want to push her into anything she wouldn’t be comfortable with but a little secretive suggestion like this wouldn’t hurt!

I laid back and pulled at the waistband of my white pantyhose, sliding them down my thighs leaving my panties on since I had a guest in the house. I sat up and pulled my left leg to my chest to pull the hose off over my thin knee and calf, then off my foot. Same for the right leg and tossed the pantyhose in the laundry. The blouse followed the hose, and I was left sitting in just my bra and panties when I heard the water shut off.

I looked through the hallway to see the curtain slide and Cindy sitting there. She looked embarrassed when she noticed me, not because of her naked wet body sitting there but because she realized she had forgotten to get a towel before getting in the shower. I quickly pulled myself off the bed to my wheelchair and lifted my legs together into the footrests. I grabbed two towels, and laid one in her wheelchair for her and tossed her the other. My bathroom is big, but not big enough for two wheelchairs. So I sat in the hall while Cindy dried and transferred back to her waiting wheelchair.

We made small talk while she pulled her panties from her bag and got ready to pull them on her limp legs, which were crossed in her wheelchair with her towel around her midsection. Like I said, we’re the same size in most respects, so I told her to wait a sec before she put those panties on, I might have something special for her. She started to protest saying it wouldn’t matter, no one will see them but her, but I reminded her of her promise to me.

Sex And Intimacy With Wheelchair Lovers

Cindy longed to be intimate with a man. She had not had sex since becoming paralyzed so she was long overdue. It takes time for wheelchair lovers to build self confidence and be intimate. I promised her tonight was her night. If she would just take a little advice and forget for one night that she was disabled. Sex with paralyzed girls is the same as sex with any girl. I know she likes Rick and he is a confident wheelchair lover. I told her to act like any other date she had ever been on, and let Rick know she likes him. No doubt he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off her. I also suggested she come out of her wheelchair to make love. For newly dating wheelchair lovers sex in a wheelchair can be a little tricky.

I told her to come to the bedroom. I had three brand new still in the packs pair of expensive panties that were very, very sexy. A wheelchair lovers delight. One silky white pair, one black pair with some lacy trim, and a bright red pair. All with bras to match I told her. She was playfully protesting, but I knew she was ready for this. She chose the black lacy ones, and slipped the bra onto her large breasts. I told her to get on the bed because there was no way she would get pantyhose on sitting in her wheelchair. She knew I was putting her in a skirt or dress of some kind, but hadn’t given thought to the pantyhose.

dating paraplegic wheelchair lovers black bra and pantyhose

Wheelchair lovers black bra and pantyhose

“Can’t I just go with my legs bare?” she asked me. I told her how a lot of men like the feeling of pantyhose on a woman’s legs. That clinging nylon, smooth as silk over a wheelchair lovers legs just does something to a man. Add the intrigue of those legs being paralyzed and it’s got to be very exciting for a man who is into dating paraplegic girls.

Experimenting With Leg Braces Dating Paraplegics

Cindy pulled her legs onto the bed and pushed against her wheelchair, sliding her bottom on and pushing her useless legs out across in front of her. Having been a paraplegic only a short while, she was very agile and good at making transfers out of her chair. As she pushed across the bed, her foot came to rest on the metal of my leg braces. “Wow, that’s cold!” she said, referring to the cold steel of my braces against the bottom of her foot. I almost forgot she still has some feeling in her legs and feet, something I have none of.

“How do you really walk in those things, they look so uncomfortable! And those high heels have to be hard to manage too.” I told her with a little getting used to, she could get used to them pretty quick. And they give you more accessibility than a wheelchair does, there are lots of advantages. The shoes, that’s just my preference. I like to look sexy, and Jeff likes them.

“Why don’t you just put one on, and see how it feels on your leg. It’s just the two of us here, you might be surprised.” I told her. She actually said okay, she wanted to see how it felt. She confided she watched me a lot, swinging through my crutches, watching my shorter leg with the buildup, and seeing my left leg drag the ground a little when I swing through. She had watched me many times work the knee locks, and cross my legs in my office chair so she knew how they worked.

I told her to grab the left one, since the right one would be too small for her foot. She positioned herself straight on the bed, and pulled her left leg out straight in front of her. I spun around in my wheelchair to my drawer where I had several new packs of pantyhose. I threw her a suntan pair and she looked at me like “What am I going to do with these?” She opened them and pulled them out, stretching them a little. She told me she wasn’t sure how to put pantyhose on since she has been paralyzed, and she always thought it must be impossible with legs that don’t work.

So I instructed her: “Take one side and just roll them up until you get to the bottom. Pull your leg up to your chest and with your leg between your arms, pull the stocking onto your toes, then around your heel and up around your ankle.” She did these things, sloppily at first but got the nylon around her foot. “Now just let your leg fall while you let the hose out pulling it up your leg.” She did as instructed, and was amazed when she saw she had pantyhose on up past her knee. She did the same with her right leg, and wiggled around until she had both thighs covered. Leaning back, she pulled the top over her black panties and around the waist. She stared in awe at her newly decorated legs.

After a few seconds she told me she could even feel the stretchy nylon around her feet and some of her legs where she had some feeling. I was surprised to see how tightly stretched they were over her legs. I always buy the small size, since my legs are so thin, and my right one a little shorter. My legs don’t come close to filling out a pair of hose, and usually show a few wrinkles where they are loose on my legs. Her tone legs filled them out nicely and kept them smooth from her hips to her feet.

It was time now for her to put the brace on. Cindy laid the brace out beside her leg, and lifted her leg over into the steel cradle of the brace. I ask her if she minded a little help, and went to the end of the bed to help her on with the shoe. Feeling her limp foot in the nylon gave me a jolt of excitement as I put her toes in the high-heeled shoe and pushed her foot the rest of the way in. She had just about finished with the straps, and in a few seconds her leg was rigid from the steel brace.

Standing After Paraplegia With Leg Braces

I was right, the brace was pressing into her leg in some places where her legs are bigger than mine, but just for trying it out they would do fine. I turned for my crutches, and told Cindy to swing her legs to the side of the bed. She pulled her left leg by the brace, and her right one by the knee, and pulled it out over the bed. I locked the knee of the brace for her with her leg outstretched and handed her the forearm crutches. She placed her arms in the crutches and put them to the floor. Slowly she slid off the bed until she was leaning on her left leg. She pulled herself the rest of the way up until she was standing upright, looking great in just her bra and pantyhose, wearing the one brace and letting her other leg hang freely.

Her toes pointed down and dangled above the floor because of the three-inch pump on her left leg. I could see the excitement in her – standing for the first time since her accident. I told her how to take a step, and with caution she put the crutches out in front of her and swung her braced leg to them, letting her right leg dangle behind. Then another step, and another, and soon she was crutching around the bedroom and doing quite well. I told her after she got used to Rick seeing her legs, and watching her move around she could wear my leg brace out one night with him. But for tonight she would use her wheelchair as normal, so she returned to the bed and removed the brace.

Brace off now, we had to get Cindy dressed. I needed to get dressed too, as I was still in my bra and panties. I went to the bathroom and quickly washed off while Cindy and I talked about her shyness and letting Rick see her bare legs, and seeing her outside of her wheelchair where she would have to move her legs with her hands. I told her that it’s something Rick wants to see, and to have some fun with it. Let him help her out of her chair, and move her legs. I told her how Jeff even likes to put my leg braces on and off for me, and how that one time I even let him put my pantyhose on for me.

Dressing to Impress Wheelchair Lovers

I returned to the bedroom, and headed for the closet. I had the cutest red skirt for Cindy, with a too-tight black blouse. The skirt is a little shorter than knee length, and had a slit in one side. Cindy pulled her legs to her, and slipped the skirt over them and up around her waist, adjusting it after it was on – a perfect fit. Then the blouse over her firm, round breasts and she was almost ready. I went through my shoes and found a pair of peep-toe pumps I had never worn. They were both the size of my left foot, so they would fit her feet nicely. She pulled her legs to her chest again and slid the shoes over her feet. She was gorgeous! I had worked magic I thought and I knew Rick would feel the same way.

I pulled her wheelchair to the bed, and she slid off into it. I could see that with just the right movement, her shiny nylon-clad thigh could be seen through that slit in the skirt.  She put her legs into the footrests and moved back so I could get to the bed. I had picked a light flowered sundress that hugged my body tightly, nude hose, and these open toed heels with the thin straps.

wheelchair lovers dating paraplegics dessing to impress

wheelchair lovers dating paraplegics dessing to impress

I was a little self conscious about my feet being seen, I have to be honest, but I was trying to make a point for Cindy that it was all okay to be put out in the open. Cindy watched as I dressed now, commenting on my quickness from being paralyzed my whole life and so used to doing everything without the use of my legs. We were both in our wheelchairs, legs crossed and skirts hiked up just a little when Jeff and Rick arrived.

This was the moment of truth for Cindy – Rick was about to see Cindy’s paralyzed legs for the first time. And great legs they were, I would love to have the muscle tone in my legs that Cindy has in hers. The knock came at the door, and we hollered for them to come in. Jeff came in first, followed by Rick. I could see Rick’s eyes bulge as he saw his beautiful date – more of her this time than he had seen in the past. She smiled at him and gave a little twirl in her wheelchair while he complimented her outfit and stunning appearance.

Wheelchair Couples Disability Dating

We decided on taking separate cars since we had two wheelchairs, and that Cindy and I would drive. Once outside, I watched Cindy make her transfer to her car while Rick stood beside her trying not to look down at her pulling her legs inside. It was amusing really, knowing how badly he wanted to look. Jeff and I shared a little laugh about that. Cindy instructed him on how to break down her chair, and put it in the backseat. Jeff helped me into my car by picking me up out of my chair and putting me in the seat. He loves to do that – he carries me all the time. My chair disappeared into the rooftop lift and we were off to dinner.

Dinner was wonderful – we must have spent two hours at the restaurant talking, and drinking. I noticed Rick whispering to Cindy, then in the next second his hand slide into her wheelchair and rubbing the inside of her leg, just below her skirt. He must have asked if he could rub her leg, and I’m glad she told him he could.

When we left, I got Jeff to drive my car, and he picked me up again and put me in the passenger seat. Rick drove Cindy’s car too, and she made her transfer to the passenger seat, pulling her legs in behind her, only this time, she showed a little bit more of her legs to Rick as her skirt rode up high while she pulled her legs in the car. His eyes were trained on her legs, and she didn’t seem to mind. She was finally starting to become comfortable with her disability around him. And Rick was very happy dating paraplegic girls.

Back at my house I ditched my chair for the comfort of the couch, and pulled the straps loose from my heels, taking them off my feet. Jeff picked my legs up and sat under me, rubbing my calves with his hands. Of course I couldn’t feel his hands on my legs, but knowing his hands were on my legs like that began to arouse me. I could tell Jeff was getting aroused too, but we still had company so our fun would have to wait. I could tell Cindy was still unsure of what to do. I told her to get comfortable on the loveseat across from Jeff and I, and Jeff could put a movie in for us to watch. Jeff slid out from under my legs and headed to the bedroom for a DVD.

Rick offered a hand to Cindy as she transferred her bottom to the couch, and the lifted her legs from the footrests onto the couch and folding them almost under her. Her skirt played its trick again, and I almost felt bad for giving her one with so much exposure to her thighs! Her toes still peeked out from the front of her pumps, and I could tell she was nervous about taking them off in front of her date. Rick had sat beside her, and placed his hand back on her leg.

He wouldn’t dare ask her to remove her shoes, but being cuddled on the couch would seem silly with high heels on, so Cindy began taking them off. She didn’t make a deal of moving her legs much, just pulling the pumps off one at a time, revealing her feet now in just the nylons. She slid back on the couch farther, letting her legs move where they wanted while she kept them together, not wanting to reveal too much of her thighs. Sliding back made her skirt ride up a little farther, making the dark top of her pantyhose peek out under the slit of the skirt. Rick didn’t seem to notice, and she quickly pulled her skirt back into place.

They got comfortable as Jeff returned with the movie, and came to sit back under my legs on the couch. He had turned the lights low and the movie on, and we made the most of the time by pulling a blanket over us so we could rub each other without being seen. I noticed our date partners doing the same, and I could only imagine what Cindy’s naughty hands were doing to Rick under that blanket. Surely she was priming him for what was to come later.

We had already arranged to have the both of them stay with me, in my guest bedroom, for the night, so I wasn’t surprised when they decided to cut the movie short, and go to the bedroom early. Rick ask as he was getting up if she minded if he carried her to the guest bedroom. She obliged, and he took her by the waist, and under her knees and whisked her off down the hallway, the both of them telling us good night while her limp legs flopped a little as Rick walked. Somehow I knew for them, it would turn out to be a good night!

Kristi Eden

All you ever wanted to know about dating paraplegics and wheelchair users

Dating Paraplegics the Ultimate Guide

Dating paraplegics and wheelchair usersThere are many reasons for and against dating paraplegics and wheelchair users. We answer the common and complex questions people have in “Dating Paraplegics the Ultimate Guide”. Some answers may surprise, we cover all you need to know dating wheelchair users in short easy to understand terms.

“Dating Paraplegics the Ultimate Guide” is a great read for anyone dating. Begin to date a wheelchair user the right way. Discover the secrets to dating paraplegics and wheelchair users.

Dating Paraplegics and Wheelchair Users

  1. Pushy: I want to ask a wheelchair user out but I’m afraid I will scare them off.

    True: You may scare them off, so don’t hang around waiting for a relationship that will never happen. Go ahead and ask them out. They may feel the same way about you. Be creative, “If you behave, I will let you take me out to dinner Friday night.” Most who feel the same way will be flattered. At least you will then know where you stand.

  2. Personal Care Nurse: I don’t want to be a care nurse. That is to much work for me. I don’t want to help with personal care, help toilet shower and dress etc. It is a huge burden and turn-off.

    True: It is a huge responsibility yes. It is alright to feel that way. But you do not have to be their care nurse. They got along fine before they met you. And they will be fine if you leave. Paraplegics are quite able to take care of their own personal hygiene. The very few paraplegics who do need some help with personal care will have, or should get, support services in place.

  3. No Sex: Dating a paraplegic wheelchair user means no sex. They can’t feel it so they don’t enjoy sex or make love very often.

    False: Sex is not usually one of the things we talk about on a first date. Most men and women dating paraplegics do report a healthy active sex life. Those in long term relationships with paraplegics describe them as above average lovers. Some may, but don’t expect all of us to talk about sex on the first date.

  4. Bad Sex: Paraplegics are bad in bed. They just lay there all paralyzed and lifeless during sex.

    False: Paraplegics have great upper body strength. Most can be on top if they want to. Paraplegics are physically active and hands on during the act of love making. If things are boring introduce scented candles, oils, music etc. Appeal to the other senses. Wheelchair users are very visual when it comes to foreplay and sex.

  5. Erections: All wheelchair users have trouble getting and keeping an erection.

    False: What you need to know is if their Spinal Cord Injury is “complete” or “incomplete.” Most with SCI are incomplete. They can get an erection by touching or rubbing their penis, or in the case of girls, wet by rubbing their clitoris. Generally it is only men with a complete spinal cord injury who find it hard to get and keep an erection.

  6. No Children: People in wheelchairs can’t have children. They should not have children. Dating a paraplegic you will not be able to start a family. They can’t look after or raise children very well.

    False: Paraplegic women have the same chance of conceiving a child as any other fertile woman. Pregnancy and childbirth are carried out in much the same way as able-bodied women. Paraplegic women make excellent mothers. Paraplegic men have a slightly lower fertility rate than other men do. Paraplegic men make excellent fathers.

  7. Bad Genes: People with a spinal cord injury have a high risk of giving birth to disabled babies.

    False: A spinal cord injury is not genetic. It cannot be passed on to children.

  8. Short Life Span: Wheelchair users don’t live as long as regular people.

    True: Doctors say a spinal cord injury can shorten an otherwise 80 year life span by a year or two. However, by far the biggest factor influencing life span is lifestyle.

  9. Scarred For Life: Wheelchair users have nasty scars weird legs and a fucked up body.

    True: Most paraplegics do have some scars. In fact most people over 25 have some scars. Injuries involving broken bones require surgery. Unless obvious only trusted people get to see a paraplegics scars. Behind every scar is a story. Paraplegics often have thin limp legs (flaccid legs). Most have a well defined strong upper body to compensate.

  10. Angry: I have been dating paraplegics for some time, they are angry hurtful and mean. I figure it will get better in time.

    False: If you are dating a spinal cord injury wheelchair user who is mean and angry, 90% of the time you will come to find they were mean and angry before the wheelchair. Everybody has their bad days but that is no excuse. You should never tolerate abuse. Do not make threats to leave. Pack up and leave. At the very least, move away from anyone who is angry and abusive to you.

  11. Easy Target: Wheelchair users are easy to rape use and abuse for sex.

    False: Wheelchair users have open access to protective services and often carry a vital call alarm. The rape and abuse of disabled people is a very serious crime. Paraplegics can fight back. They have more upper body strength than regular people and know how to use it.

  12. Easy to Disable: I feel safe dating paraplegics because I can easy tip them out of their wheelchair if they annoy me.

    False: You can tip them out but they can get back in quickly and heaven help you when they do. When others learn of what you have done you will not be safe. Never tip any wheelchair user out of their chair unless they ask you to.

  13. Baggage: When dating paraplegics you have to put their wheelchair in the car. Lift them in and out of the car. Carry a butt-load of medical supplies. It’s just a big drama to go out.

    False: Paraplegics can transfer from their wheelchair into a car without help. Some use a sliding board (short smooth board to slide on) to make it safe and easy. They can pull their wheelchair apart and stow it in the back seat of the car. It is polite to offer assistance. Don’t feel bad if it is refused. Many paraplegics will already drive their own car with hand controls.

  14. Catheters: I want to know what the deal is with catheters but I do not want to seem rude and ask my date how they pee and stuff. Should I just go ahead and ask?

    True: Yes go ahead and ask. Most dating paraplegics and wheelchair users don’t find such questions rude. They are happy to talk about and explain how they go to the bathroom. After all, if things go well, you will both get more intimate than that at some point. It is good to know how your wheelchair partner functions before that happens.

  15. Repulsed: I cannot get over the catheter thing. It really turns me off sex.

    True: It is fair to say that kind of thing is not pretty. No paraplegic likes having to poke a tube up their private to drain their bladder, but they don’t get much choice. Ask them how they got over it. Give it some time and you might get more used to the idea. If the catheter is in during sex, ask them about taking it out for sex. Most paraplegics can go without a catheter for several hours.

  16. Parking Permit: I am only dating paraplegics for the parking.

    False: You are only easy to please or just butt lazy. Disability parking permits only apply to people who medically qualify for them. Sticker or no sticker, if they are not in the car, you may not park there. Everyone knows the best thing about dating paraplegics is the oral sex!

  17. Restricted Access: You miss out on things dating paraplegics. It’s like dragging an anchor around. You can only go places that have wheelchair access. That means boring and not spontaneous.

    False: Many people dating paraplegics enjoy all kinds of physical activities. They can fly, hike, swim, etc. and play most any sport. Night clubs, rock concerts and cinemas are just a few places where wheelchair users are given priority seating and access.

  18. Opening Doors: Should I open the door?

    False: Ask them, “May I get the door for you?” If you do open it, don’t stand in the way or stretch your arm out for them to go under. In general when dating paraplegics it’s polite for a man to open the door for a woman.

  19. Travel: There are limited places to go dating paraplegics and it costs extra to travel.

    False: Paraplegics often qualify for discounted fares. Some airlines allow a companion to fly free with any full fare paying wheelchair user. No country in the world bans wheelchair users or dating paraplegics. It may just take a little more planning.

  20. Beaches: Don’t go to the beach when dating paraplegics. They get stuck in soft sand.

    True: A standard manual push chair will get stuck in soft sand. You can drag them through backwards but that will exhaust you quickly. Wheelchair users love the beach and warm sunny places. Just stick to beaches with a boardwalk or pier until you get to know what they are capable of. They might prefer a quad bike or 4 wheel drive.

  21. Never Say Walk: It’s rude to say let’s go for a walk when dating paraplegics.

    False: They don’t care. They know what you mean.

  22. Second Person: If someone asks me, what my date wants, should I answer for them?

    False: Politely tell them to ask your date instead.

  23. Income: I do not want to work all day while they sit at home and do nothing.

    True: Paraplegics do sit all day. Many work part-time to supplement a disability pension or hold down a full-time job. Some are career professionals. They may not like you sitting around doing nothing all day either.

  24. House Maid: Dating paraplegics is good because they like to pick up after you.

    False: You won’t be dating paraplegics for long if you are messy. Wheelchair users do not like clothes left on the floor. They get tangled in their castor wheels, and may cause them to fall from their chair. They do not like to pick up after you. That includes your friends, if they make a mess, they better clean it up.

  25. Home Access: Back at their home they told me, “Don’t touch my stuff.” But I am not a klutz.

    True: It is something dating paraplegics have to say a lot. Not because you are a klutz. If they go for the phone in an emergency, only to find you have moved it beyond their reach, you may cause them harm. Their stuff may look out of place to you, and most won’t mind you touching, but always put things back the way you found them.

  26. Yard Work: Can they mow the lawn and keep the yard tidy?

    True: Gardening is a very popular hobby amongst wheelchair users. Paraplegics can drive ride on mowers, tractors, harvesters, handle a saw etc. Most with a house in the suburbs pay someone to mow their lawn, and clean the gutters out. The rest they can take care of. Pot plants, home gardens, and raised garden beds are easy to look after.

  27. Drug Addicts: Paraplegics are a good source of drugs.

    False: Paraplegics require little to no medication. They avoid taking prescribed drugs as much as possible.

  28. Retarded: All wheelchair users are retarded in some way. A spinal cord injury causes brain damage. Paraplegics have all kinds of emotional issues and mental problems.

    False: A spinal cord injury is certainly a traumatic event. It does not cause brain damage. For the most part, rehab after a spinal cord injury gives paraplegics a new lease on life. Paraplegics who are open to dating are more than often well adjusted, and emotionally well balanced.

  29. Plenty Of Fish: There are so many non-disabled why bother dating the disabled?

    True: There are more able-bodied. Dating paraplegics is just as risky and rewarding as dating able-bodied people. No one group or type of person should be excluded. But we all have our own likes and dislikes. We are all free to chose who we date.

  30. Approval: Pressure from family and friends. He is only dating paraplegic girls because he can’t get a real woman. My friends and family don’t approve.

    False: This is a very narrow minded and ignorant statement for anyone to make. There are many positives to dating paraplegics. More than often in public these days those dating paraplegics get noticed and praised. Paraplegics are smart people. They will be quick to tell anyone with such bias opinions to grow up or go away.

  31. Rejection: I would like to date a paraplegic but I know nothing about disability and wheelchair life. I am afraid I will be rejected.

    True: Your advances may be declined, not because you know nothing about disability. When it comes to love, the feeling is not always mutual. C’est la vie (such is life). If a disabled person rejects you it does not mean you are un-lovable. They simply aren’t ready to date or don’t feel a strong enough love attraction toward you.

  32. Bunny Boiler: Wheelchair users are very needy. If I am dating paraplegics and it doesn’t work out, when I leave they will have plenty of time on their hands to stalk me.

    False: With that attitude they will be glad to see you leave. Paraplegics are no more or less needy than anyone else. They got over breaking their spine, I’m sure they will get over you.

Resources

 

wheelchair disability fetish woman

Disability Fetish and Medical Fetish

A fetish is like a spider web. A fetish means to have a sexual arousal to an object behavior or type of person. Simple enough, until you try to describe an individual’s fetish to someone. It is like trying to guide them to one particular span of a spider web, without pointing at it. Adding to the complexity many fetish can overlap each other. A person with a disability fetish may also have some parts of a medical fetish. We separate the two, explain them, and look at their differences.

I think most of us have been guilty of over using the term fetish at one time or another. Bragging about your favorite fishing rod does not mean you have a fishing rod fetish. While I have heard some of my friends describe their fishing rod as if it were an extension of their penis, in clinical terms it does not qualify as a fetish.

Disability Fetish

Abasiophilia is the medical term given to those who are sexually aroused by and attracted to disabled people. It may be a minor disability like missing fingers, or a profound one like blindness. Some of the most common disability fetish are a strong sexual attraction to amputee’s and paralyzed wheelchair users such as paraplegics and quadriplegics with a spinal cord injury.

wheelchair disability fetish woman

Wheelchair disability fetish woman with crutches and neck brace

The extreme form of disability fetish is a very strong desire to be disabled. So strong, a person with an extreme disability fetish may elect to have their legs broken, limbs amputated, or even paralyzed by having their spinal cord cut. These people are often called wheelchair wannabes, because they are attracted to and want to be in a wheelchair.

I know of one girl who loves wheelchairs so much she spent her first year of college living in one. At the end of the year she went to stand up out of the wheelchair and collapsed on the floor. By using a wheelchair for so long her leg muscles had wasted and they could no longer support her. She was quite happy about her new found disability.

Many find it hard to understand why any one would want to have a perfectly healthy limb amputated. I try to explain it this way. They do not find perfect people attractive. They see disabled as normal, and normal people as disabled. With an extreme atypical disability fetish they can feel very uncomfortable with a healthy limb. Only once that limb is disabled or removed do they feel good with it.

Less extreme disability fetish include the sexual arousal and attraction to disability equipment. The medical term for this is Paraphilia. By wearing leg braces, plaster casts, and using a wheelchair to feel disabled, they become sexually aroused. You may have heard of the term wheelchair pretender. Because wheelchair pretenders fake a disability for sexual arousal they are a much maligned group. Wheelchair pretenders are not seen in public very often. Please don’t go tipping people out of their wheelchair because you think they are faking it.

[nggtags gallery=disability-fetish]

A disability fetish does not have to be a love of a particular object. It can take many forms. Some feel a strong sexual attraction to the actual disabled person. In the case of spinal cord injury they are known as wheelchair devotees. With an attraction to wheelchair users, a wheelchair devotee often knows what life in a wheelchair is like. Therefore, they make good lovers and life partners to wheelchair users.

Very few real wheelchair users have a disability fetish. They only use a wheelchair because they have to. Most wheelchair users do have an interest in disability and medical devices but it is not a sexual attraction or arousal. Wheelchair users may also be attracted to other wheelchair users, but again it is not usually in a disability fetish, or love interest kind of way. They are simply interested in like-minded people.

Medical Fetish

An atypical medical fetish is a strong attraction to medical apparatus purely for erotic sexual gratification. People with an extreme medical fetish use torturous medical devices, speculum’s, mouth and anal spreaders, enema kits, probes etc. They may even consent to false operations where they are surgically opened, and with nothing fixed or removed, sutured closed. An extreme medical fetish can be a dangerous thing.

Medical fetish woman in wheelchair and neck brace

Medical fetish woman in wheelchair and neck brace

In recent clinical observations extreme medical fetish are being aligned with identity disorders and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorders). OCD are an anxiety disorder in which people have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, ideas, obsessions, or behaviors. They get a very strong compolsion to think or act a certain way. Often when it is acted on it results in self harm. For example, an obsession to wear a neck collar constantly will result in weak neck muscles causing all kinds of harmful problems. We do not condone self harm in any way.

Our featured model is sexually aroused by a skin tight rubber dress, wheelchair and stiff neck collar. It is not a case of extreme fetish or OCD. The restrictive elements are disability fetish. She likes the feeling of being disabled that they give. The apparatus that excite her, wheelchair and neck collar, are medical fetish. This is a prime example of how several fetish can overlap.

These less extreme medical fetish, the sexual arousal of wearing orthopedic leg braces (calipers), plaster casts, spinal braces, and wheelchairs are common. In such settings the wheelchair simply becomes a device to fuel erotic pleasure. The same way some people find a vibrator or lingerie sexually arousing. Some like the feel some like the look. For the most part these mild forms of medical fetish are harmless.

[nggtags gallery=medical-fetish]

A medical fetish can include a sexual attraction to medical people. Doctor and nurse porn movies, people receiving medical examinations and so on. Most are simply role play, and they are not very good actors at that. You know, the movies where the patient suddenly finds their spinal cord injury is cured by the sight of a half dressed doctor or nurse, and well… you can guess the rest. If it were only that easy I would be walking. These “actors” give doctor’s, nurses, wheelchair pretenders and real wheelchair users a bad name.

It is rare for a real wheelchair user with a spinal cord injury to have a disability fetish. They may be interested in medical apparatus, wheelchairs and mobility equipment. They may have a great appreciation for doctors and nurses. But seldom is it in a sexual medical fetish way. Just as some people with a spinal cord injury use an enema, it is not by choice, they consider it a chore. We don’t find probes sexy.

Conclusions

wheelchair fetish disability fetish medical fetish woman

Wheelchair fetish disability fetish medical fetish woman

Disability fetish are grossly mis-represented in the commercial sex industry. Gimp calendars and videos of amputees having sex are a poor representation of real life. In true atypical form a disability fetish is a sexual arousal to disability equipment or a desire to be disabled. A medical fetish can range from an attraction to wheelchairs to torturous medical devices. In the extreme a fetish can be harmful to your health.

Most disabled wheelchair users do not like to see wheelchair pretenders use a wheelchair to gain pity, sympathy, money, or special service. Neither does the general public. Wheelchair devotees are attracted to wheelchair users and so make good partners to them in love and life. However, not all wheelchair devotees have the best interests of wheelchair users in mind.

Resources

  1. All images used in this article are courtesy of Ultimate Psycho. Model; Lou Moon. You may not use or redistrubute any of the images that appear in this article without express written permission from the copyright holder; Ultimate Psycho.
  2. Blais MA, Smallwood P, Groves JE, Rivas-Vazquez RA. Personality and personality disorders. In: Stern TA, Rosenbaum JF, Fava M, Biederman J, Rauch SL, eds. Massachusetts General Hospital Comprehensive Clinical Psychiatry. 1st ed. Philadelphia, Pa: Mosby Elsevier; 2008:chap 39.
  3. Feinstein RE, Connelly JV. Personality disorders. In: Rakel RE, ed. Textbook of Family Medicine. 7th ed. Philadelphia, Pa: Saunders Elsevier;2007:chap 60.
  4. Koran LM, Hanna GL, Hollander E, Nestadt G, Simpson HB, et al. Practice guideline for the treatment of patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Am J Psychiatry. 2007;164:5-53. [PubMed: 17849776]

 Websites

Perfect Imperfection Rasso Bruckert photograph of disabled man in wheelchair

Perfect Imperfect

Rasso Bruckert captures disability through the camera lens in a strikingly warm photographic collection Perfect Imperfect themed on nudity and handicaps, showing with sensitivity yet openly and very directly, that disabled people are totally capable of developing their sexuality, self-confidence, individual esthetics’s and eroticism.

Perfect Imperfection Rasso Bruckert photograph of disabled man in wheelchair

Perfect Imperfection Rasso Bruckert

Bruckert challenges us to re-think the concept of beauty. If we desire love, partnership and sexuality in a confident and satisfying way we might first begin by accepting, appreciating and maybe even loving our own bodies. 

Now it stands for us to redefine the term “beauty”, to create it consciously and individually. 

The idea for his photographic series Perfect Imperfect came to Bruckert back when he was studying in San Francisco. Inspired by works of Robert Mapplethorpe he pondered the highly taboo thematic of nude and handicap.

Well-renound throughout Germany photographer Rasso Bruckert explains his reasons for embarking on what at the time was a most controversial undertaking Perfect Imperfect.
 

For decades there have been these dreadful pictures of us (disabled) in the media – the small, pitiable, disabled person in a corner — often badly photographed. This was always a terrible thing for me, and a sort of motivator that compelled me to try and do way with these belittling “hospital pictures” as I used to call them. 
 
Because I myself am disabled, it seemed easier for me to photograph a disabled person in the nude, as opposed to someone who was not disabled in the nude. Nevertheless, when I first asked friends to pose for me, I would approach them fearing that I would be stoned to death. – Rasso Bruckert 

The idea of photographing people with disabilities naked was never discussed openly. It was and mostly still remains a taboo subject. Nevertheless, in Perfect Imperfect Bruckert endeavors to present the physically challenged body aesthetically in all its raw sensual beauty.

Physical disablement and beauty did not coexist. Not even amongst us the disabled. Remarking, I suppose I had more barriers in my head than they did, Burckert was happily surprised to find his modeling requests were met with a spontaneous readiness to consent.

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In the beginning I was too cautious to provoke with my work. I didn’t want to hurt or compromise the feelings of others with my photographs. I have now become more open minded, I want to provoke a positive “aha”. It is my wish that the photographs grip and intrigue the viewers so that they may sense the beauty, strength and self confidence of the subject.
 
Criticism has generally been positive. People like the photographs a lot. They consider them aesthetic, interesting and erotic. They now realize that the subject “the disabled” can be viewed and dealt with in a different light. – Rasso Bruckert

Perfect Imperfect has exhibited in several cities including Germany, Switzerland, and Austria and has been seen in Atlanta, Georgia and Sydney, Australia. Commentaries of this exhibit have appeared in numerous newspapers and magazines as well as on European Television. If you get the chance to see this inspiring body of work your life will be the richer for it.

Resources

Intimate Encounters Dominic and Lee

Intimate ENCOUNTERS

The idea for Intimate ENCOUNTERS first came to Belinda Mason-Lovering in 1998. Photographing a conference on Sexuality and Disability, Mason-Lovering became aware that although society attends to the needs of people with disabilities, it appeared unable to deal with the tangled issues surrounding sexuality. This realization spawned the development of Intimate ENCOUNTERS.

Over the next four years, Mason-Lovering traveled around Australia, meeting, photographing and engaging subjects in extensive conversations to explore their feelings and attitudes towards their own sexuality. Belinda worked with each participant to develop an image which reflected their own particular personal and emotional journey. 

Intimate ENCOUNTERS – Disability and Sexuality: features two installations and thirty photographic images with essays by 40 people who collaborated with photographer Belinda Mason-Lovering to express their desires, needs, love and affection reflecting the diversity of their experiences of disability through the lens.

Participating in this project we are making the personal political. There is a dearth of empowering, positive, sexy images of disabled people and we want to be a part of the movement to change this. We chose ‘United we sit’ as our slogan to emphasize our solidarity with other disabled people and to challenge the norms. Dominic often needs to use a wheelchair and so we wanted to incorporate his impairment into the image too. – Dominic Davies and Lee Adams

Intimate Encounters Dominic and Lee

United we sit

Dominic is an activist and a Senior Registered Practitioner with the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy. He is the co-editor of three volumes of Pink Therapy and a co-author of The Sexual Politics of Disability: Untold Desire. He is a Visiting Fellow at Nottingham University and a Visiting Lecturer at Leicester University. Dominic has scoliosis and chronic pain.

Lee is a curator and interdisciplinary artist, who works extensively in sculpture, theatre design, film, video, live performance and installation. He has exhibited widely. Lee is the Artistic Director and Producer of Sexmutant an international real-time and on-line project reconfiguring (trans) gender and sex(uality) in contemporary visual and live arts practice.

The men and women Mason-Lovering photographs are people with physical, intellectual, learning, psychiatric and neurological disabilities. By being photographed and by talking about their lives they share some of their most intimate thoughts and feelings with those who gaze on their images.

In the words of its creators:

Intimate ENCOUNTERS explores the myriad connections between disability and sexuality. A sense of our sexual selves is as vital to our existence as the air we breathe. This is the pervading message present in every image in the series. The quest is to create images which ‘tell a thousand words’ and which reflect sexual diversity without tokenism.

Choosing how they were represented, working in close collaboration with the photographer and taking control of their image and the text that would accompany it, was seen as a widely liberating experience for the participants, enriching the personal, political and artistic aspects of the project.

Intimate Encounters photography by Belinda Mason-LoveringThat these photographs vary from playful, romantic, passionate or heart wrenching reflects the diversity of experiences of disability, and within that the diversity of lives and desires, an acknowledgement that disability is just one part of a life experience. The intimate connections between the participants underscores the fact that all are activists and allies in a global struggle for a basic human right–the right to be a sexual person.

We all have our own, unique sexual journey, mapped out with secret adventure, whispered aspirations, with the pain of risk and the over riding urge for intimacy. It is a journey that, if fully embraced, determines and moulds our identity and self-worth.

Initmate ENCOUNTERS challenges the hidden myth in our society that only the most glamorous, attractive and successful among us live active, healthy and imaginative sexual lives. Ultimately, it’s about how we feel about our inner selves that let’s us free each other to lead larger lives.

As Kiersten Fishburn of Accessible Arts points out:

For we viewers, it is not only a beautiful and thought provoking exhibition but a chance to identify the commonalities of the need for love, for connectedness, for sexual and creative expression. It creates a dialogue that allows disability “voices” to be heard; it is one step in integrating these voices into all our cultural and community conversations. – Kiersten Fishburn

Intimate ENCOUNTERS has been touring Australia extensively for the past six years. The exhibition was seen in Sydney, Melbourne and through regional Victoria, the Northern Territory and Western Australia and internationally London, New York, New Zealand, Barcelona and Paris.

Belinda Mason has a history of pushing the limits of imaginative social documentary photography I know of no other photographer who has so consciously pursued difficult unfashionable subjects such as the sexuality of the disabled. – a body of work that seems destined for prominence – Rob McFarlane, Art Critic, Sydney Morning Herald

Audiences flocked to see the show around Australia. Media and audience reactions have been varied and not without some controversy. Reaction has ranged across the spectrum with some people horrified and confronted by nudity and the display of disability but with the vast majority finding the show eye opening, inspirational and beautiful in its honest representation of human sexuality.

Resources

Sarah Murray photographs Kyla Harris for Access-Sex

Access Sex

Sex is all around us until disability is concerned, there it remains a taboo subject in society. It may come as a shock to some but disabled people do have sex. Access Sex is a photographic collaboration of a woman’s exploration after disability. Becoming disabled in 2000, 21 year old wheelchair user and co-owner of the Main Artery Gallery in Vancover, Kyla Harris bravely breaks the mould in a revealing expose Access Sex.

One of the first questions I’m asked when I meet a stranger is, so… can you have sex? When people meet me they are inquisitive. I am a relatively attractive young woman in a wheelchair. The reason why I’m asked this may be because of a lack in social graces, curiosity or plain ignorance. This and other catalysts, spurred me to work on a photography project with Sarah Murray called Access Sex, looking at disabilities and sexuality. The main reason why this issue needs to be addressed is because of misrepresentation (or lack of) of people with disabilities in the media. – Kyla Harris

Sarah Murray photographs Kyla Harris for Access-Sex

Kyla Harris in Access-Sex

A collection of thought provoking images that raise questions Access Sex is a collaborative work of photographs taken by Sarah Murray featuring wheelchair user Kyla Harris in a range of provocative poses. Art being primarily subjective these images connect with the many different audiences that view them. The project Access Sex aims to change predetermined ideas and prevent future misjudgments on sexuality with a disability.

Often wheelchair users and people with disabilities are seen as asexual and few examples in the media contradict that message. Similar to able-bodied people, not all people with disabilities are sexy, but that doesn’t mean people with disabilities can’t have sex or can’t enjoy it. 

According to the World Health Organization, sexuality is a basic need and aspect of being human that cannot be separated from other aspects of life. However, the world being largely media driven all to often people with disabilities are not portrayed in a positive sexual light, as able-bodied people have set the sexual standard.

In popular culture Playboy is the leading pornographic men’s magazine and has been setting sexual standards therein since 1953. All of Playboys models over that time have been able-bodied with the exception of wheelchair user Ellen Stohl, a C8/T1 incomplete quadriplegic who became the first Playboy bunny to model in July of 1987 and Aimee Mullins, an amputee from the age of one.

Aimee Mullins modeled for Alexander McQueen on the cover of Dazed and Confused in August 1998 and starred in Matthew Barney’s “Cremaster Cycle” in 2002. Apart from quadriplegic wheelchair user Ellen Stohl and amputee Aimee Mullins, people with disabilities have largely been typecast as estranged victims, hospitalized seniors and on-set extras sitting in wheelchairs to provide an institutional atmosphere. 

The project Access Sex is necessary to not only make people aware of the fact that people with disabilities are seen as asexual beings but to also highlight the origins of their thoughts on disabilities and sexuality. With a range of images the connection between disabilities and sexuality at times is merely a suggestion to ease people into something they may have never consciously thought about.
 
Ultimately the answer to the question is yes, I can have sex. Want to see some photos that might answer other questions? – Kyla Harris

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After her accident in 2000 at 15 years of age coming to reach her sexual maturity and understanding, strangers often questioned Kyla about her sexuality and whether she could have sex. Kyla felt it necessary to contradict the stereotype of people with disabilities as asexual, a notion she herself questioned after her own spinal cord injury disability. Kyla began to identify with her sexuality and noticed how it was being denied.

In 2006, Kyla Harris approached fellow Canadian artist photographer Sarah Murray to produce the works for Access Sex. The theme evolved to present sexuality and physical disability together – encouraging a general audience to look beyond the confines of the human body. The splendid body of works in Access Sex have been showcased in Vancouver and Toronto at the Main Artery, the Joseph D Carrier Gallery and “Nuit Blanche” in October 2009.

Art and sexuality cannot be separated or extracted from life, Kyla recalls, it made sense to me to explain that notion in reference to my own experiences.

The project Access Sex to me has been successful on many levels. I’ve met an amazing friend, Sarah, whom I respect personally and professionally, my perception of myself has become more positive and made me more passionate about my art and opinions, and I believe the photographs have made a variety of people aware that people with disabilities are sexual beings. Now my hopes are to expand Access Sex and continue to challenge pre-conceptions and stereotypes. – Kyla Harris

Resources

Sexy wheelchair babe shivers in orgasm sitting on top of boyfriend in love swing suspended by personal patient hoist

Wheelchair Hoist Sex Swing

A wheelchair hoist sex swing helps wheelchair users enhance their sex life. Tetraplegics (quadriplegics) and paraplegics often find it difficult to achieve some sexual positions. Sex after a spinal cord injury is made hard by paralysis and poor mobility. The sex aids mentioned in our wheelchair sex article raised many questions. Here we take a closer look at a wheelchair hoist sex swing. Some paraplegics and most tetraplegics will already own a personal hoist and sling of some description. These make suitable assistive devices for intercourse and love making. Avoiding the expense of an actual sex swing.

Who Uses a Wheelchair Hoist Sex Swing

Sexy wheelchair babe shivers in orgasm sitting on her boyfriend in love swing suspended by personal patient hoist

Wheelchair hoist sex swing

By far the majority of wheelchair hoist sex swing users are regular able bodied heterosexual couples. They can however, be of great assistance to wheelchair users with paralysis. Like those with a spinal cord injury. A wheelchair hoist sex swing may be unknown to people with a disability. Few discuss sex with wheelchair users for fear of offending, or getting offended. Also, many hold the opinion disabled people don’t, or should not, have sex. Others believe all disabled people are oversexed. These misconceptions are slowly changing. We encourage healthy discussion on wheelchair sex life and sex after spinal cord injury. We promote the many beautiful aspects of disability.

Suited to lovers of different sizes and disabilities, it’s easy to adjust the height and angle of your body, in a wheelchair hoist sex swing. All without detracting from each other’s arousal. Quality sex swings offer neoprene padded supports for your butt and back, and stirrups for legs or feet. It’s just a matter of finding what suits you and your disability. Adult stores stock sex swings but we suggest searching online first. Research what type may best suit you. Buying online could save you time and money as well.

Why Use a Wheelchair Hoist Sex Swing

Sexy wheelchair lovers bouncing in love swing climax suspended by personal patient hoist

Wheelchair lovers climax in hoist sex swing

Difficult sexual positions are no longer exclusive to the athletic and sexually gifted. With a wheelchair hoist sex swing disabled couples can be more sexually adventurous. They can achieve stimulating sexual positions previously only imagined. Reap the benefits of pleasure a wheelchair hoist sex swing can arouse. A healthy imagination in lovemaking is key to generating pleasure. It helps to renew the desire for sexual intimacy. By experimenting with new positions in the bedroom, you can swing your love life into action. Enjoy weightless sex in unlimited positions. Explore your deepest fantasies.

Take a go slow approach until you are comfortable and confident. It is possible to overbalance in some sexual positions. You may slip right out of the wheelchair hoist sex swing harness performing others. A personal hoist sling can be of advantage in that respect. While not as many positions are achievable, they require minimal balance. Personal hoist slings are purpose designed to prevent from dropping a person, no matter their handicap.

Using a wheelchair hoist sex swing enhances disability sex life. They are not sleazy. They simply make sex with a disability easier. Wheelchair lovers are often amazed how easy these make sex. 

Challenging sex positions, that require exertion and skill, become easy using a wheelchair hoist sex swing. You can find the right angle to achieve deep penetration with minimal exertion. Sexual positions never felt so good effortlessly. Put more comfort and enjoyment into your disabled sex life. Swing into action and sex it up.

Wheelchair Hoist Sex Swing Components

Sex Swing: The sex swing is all you need. Optional extras are a heavy duty spring, frame and hoist. A good quality sex swing harness is made from neoprene padded adjustable ballistic weave nylon straps. These provide maximum comfort and strength. The swing costs around $120.00 USD.

Sex Swing Spring: A heavy duty high tensile steel spring is ideal for those with limited mobility, like quadriplegics, or tetraplegics. The spring helps to minimize the effort required to make rocking and bouncing motions. The average sex swing spring can suspend around 200 lbs. Your local hardware store may have a cheaper option. A sex swing spring costs about $180.00 USD.

Sex Swing Frame: The sex swing frame is like a tent frame. It is a free-standing rigid metal frame to suspend the sex swing from. Most sex swing frames hold up to 400 lbs. There are many types of frames ranging from $150.00 to $500.00 USD.

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Sex Swing Hoist: Some hang their sex swing from an eye-bolt in a doorway, ceiling joist, or beam over their bed. We recommended any eye-bolt installation be done by a qualified carpenter. Or you can hook the swing onto a hospital style, personal hoist. Take advantage of the hoists raising and lowering capability. If you don’t own a personal hoist, there are a few sex swing models that come with a hoist. Using a remote control you can raise and lower the swing effortlessly. Personal patient type hoists cost thousands. Sex swing hoists cost around $550.00 USD.

Already Have a Personal Hoist

Check the maximum weight rating before you go bouncing around in any hospital style, personal hoist. Remember safety first pumpkin. Position any personal wheelchair hoist sex swing over a bed. Or place something soft below you in case you fall. Keep a phone within reach. Just in case it all goes horribly wrong. Good luck explaining your dilema to emergency services lol.

Occasionally, both sexual partners have very limited mobility. Two tetraplegic (quadriplegic) lovers for example. They are restricted by poor hand and arm function. An electric battery powered patient hoist with remote control is ideal. It will help to make wheelchair hoist sex swing positions much easier. That is the purpose, easier love making for people with a disability.

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Some see a wheelchair hoist sex swing as nothing more than a kinky S&M bondage device. Strip teasing, pole dancing, a vibrator, these things are not everybody’s cup of tea. Personal hoists are used for transferring people with high level cervical C1-C7 tetraplegia. Paralyzed from a spinal cord injury, wheelchair users transfer into and out of bed etc, with a hoist. In the home however, a personal hoist can serve many purposes. Limited only by imagination. Most tetraplegics will already own a personal hoist and sling. These can be used as a wheelchair hoist sex swing. It’s just another perk of dating a tetraplegic.

Five Common Hoist Sling Types

Here are five common hoist sling types. Four are suitable for use as a wheelchair hoist sex swing. As an assistive device for sex and intimacy after spinal cord injury. The fast fit, and toileting (or dress) slings, offer the greatest freedom and sexual access. Hammock type slings are restrictive. Material covers the private areas. Hammock slings are fine for able bodied folks. Hammock slings are not well suited for sex with wheelchair users. Or any disability where a severely compromised range of motion, poor motor function, or extensive paralysis exists.

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By not crossing leg straps (sections that come up between the legs) legs spread wider apart in slings. This is great for sexual access, but it does create the risk, of slipping right through the sling. Lengthening top shoulder straps reclines a person into a flat supine (face up) or prone (face down) position.  This is good to hover your partner over you on a bed and rock back and forth.

Wheelchair Hoist Sex Swing Tips and Tricks

Sexy wheelchair lover spread legs in love swing suspended by personal patient hoist

Wheelchair lover in sex swing

The disabled wheelchair user does not always have to be the one in the sling. Switch it around and use your imagination. Try a 360 spinning motion if you dare. Climb in on top of your partner in your wheelchair hoist sex swing sling. Pushing the sides of a sling outward raises it a few inches. By pushing, and relaxing quickly, you can get a rhythmic bouncy motion going.

Try a little something new. Tie your disabed lover up and use the hoist to position them exactly where you want them. Blindfold and spank with a spatula lol. It’s all about having fun. Good love making begins in the brain hours before intercourse happens. Scented candlelight, massage, music, lingerie etc, all enhance the sexual experience. Get into the swing of it. For more tips on sex after spinal cord injury, and sex with a disability, see our wheelchair sex article.

RESOURCES

sexual imperfection

Wheelchair Sex After Spinal Cord Injury

Wheelchair sex and the ability to develop sexuality, participate in sexual activity, and maintain long term intimate relations is desired as much by people with a disability as in the general population. The majority of spinal cord injury wheelchair users are 15 to 45 years of age so sex and fertility often become an important issue. The amount of physical sexual function and ability to feel pleasure or pain sensation after a spinal cord injury depends on level and completeness. In general, an incomplete spinal cord injury affects sexual function to a varying degree if at all, as opposed to complete where no function exists. 

For men with incomplete spinal cord injuries involuntary motor and or sensory function still exists below the level of injury. The ability to achieve a sustainable erection for wheelchair sex and reach orgasm is usually possible. After a complete injury the ability to achieve erections, ejaculate, and father children can be greatly compromised. For women complete or incomplete, following an initial absence of menstrual cycle, fertility is rarely impaired, though vaginal lubrication may be. In both sexes limited to no sensation below the level of injury is common. By having wheelchair sex many couples are re-discovering sex after spinal cord injury. Wheelchair sex enriches their lives and results in a more understanding closer relationship. 

Safe Sex and What to do With Catheters

Never assume a spinal cord injury causes infertility or makes one incapable of catching and spreading Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD). Practice safe sex as you would normally. Men with a permanent Indwelling Catheter (IDC) can remove or fold back and cover with a condom or otherwise secure to penis shaft. Women with an IDC can also leave a catheter in during sex unless it causes problems. Stoma and those who self-cath (pass a catheter several times a day to drain bladder) usually do so just prior to sex to avoid any unwanted urine leakage. Supra Pubic Catheter users are free to engage in wheelchair sex, intimacy and sexual intercourse anytime.

Quadriplegia sex with catheters after spinal cord injury

Quadriplegia sex with catheters after spinal cord injury

Usually high level quadriplegics cannot go without a catheter for long. Care should be taken not to pull on a catheter during sex but don’t let it spoil enjoyment. If either wheelchair sex partner (or soloist) has major concern about a catheter for medical or aesthetic reasons tape it and any tubing to the body prior to love making. Be aware tubing pressed hard against skin can cause blisters. A sleeve of soft material slipped over the catheter and or tubing may avoid blistering. 

Orgasm Erectile and Vaginal Function

Men with incomplete spinal cord injuries may achieve reflex, but not psychogenic erections. That is; an erection may be achieved by physical stimulus, touch, not erotic vision or thought. While a more than adequate blessing for most, such erections are not always sustainable or strong enough for penetrative sex. Not only can unpredictable erections cause embarrassing situations during sexual intimacy but for wheelchair users in public (being void of sensation below the level of injury) unaware they have an erection. It has been reported that 45 percent of men have experienced orgasm after spinal cord injury. 

Complete injuries involving S2 to S4 affect the nerves responsible for two main chambers (corpora cavernosa) of the penis which fill with blood to create an erection, damage at and above this level makes reflex (physically stimulated) erections totally unachievable for most. If a sphincterectomy has been performed reflex and psychogenic erections are rarely possible. Difficulties with erections may eventually be experienced by nearly half of men with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) caused by lesions of the thoracic spine and autonomic nerves. 

The most sensitive area of the penis is the fraenum (underside of penis head). A vibrator applied to the fraenum can not only induce erection but orgasm, ejaculation. For a woman laying face up the erogenous zone is two to three inches inside the vagina and upward, called the G-spot. During wheelchair sex a womans G-spot might be more easily reached by sliding her hips up to the front edge of the wheelchair seat.

Women with incomplete spinal injuries are generally able to produce vaginal lubrication and enjoy wheelchair sex. For women with complete injuries between T10 and T12 there is typically an absence of either psychogenic or reflex lubrication. Attempted penetration of the vagina by any means may trigger adductor and pelvic floor muscle spasm. Be patient and never force entry. It has been reported that 53 percent of women have experienced orgasm after spinal cord injury. 

Medications and Sex Aids After Spinal Cord Injury

The introduction of oral medications Viagra and Ciallis have largely replaced their intracavernosal predecessors. Swallowing a pill has much less shock value than injecting and massaging meds into the penis. While both methods can help sustain an erection, the ability to achieve some form of erection in the first place, is most desirable.

I am one of the lucky quadriplegic wheelchair users who can get an erection simply by touch. I have tried Viagra several times. In the interests of research for this wheelchair sex article of course. I did not notice Viagra of any benefit to my usual sexual function. Viagra is really only of benefit to those who can achieve psychogenic erections (erections from erotic thoughts). 

Devices such as vacuum erection pumps can initiate erection and tight rings or bands applied to the base of penis will restrict blood drain from the penis once erection is achieved. Penile pump implants are also available but carry risk of erosion, leakage, or infection requiring removal. Some men with intact sacral anterior nerve roots are able to achieve stimulator-driven erections, though the primary reason for doing so is urination, not sex. 

Disability sex wedge, paraplegic sex swing, hoist bondage and armrests for wheelchair sex

Disability sex wedge, paraplegic sex swing, hoist bondage and armrests for wheelchair sex

Disability sex aids like sex wedges, sex swings, vibrators, the height of a bed or table, power tilt on a wheelchair and easily removable arm rests are worth consideration when purchasing equipment with wheelchair sex in mind. Partners of wheelchair users will attest the wheelchair itself becomes a sexual aid at times. 

For the more sexually adventurous, electric powered mechanical sex seats and fetish equipment like neck braces, casts, catheters, crutches, straitjackets, bondage, electrostimulators, mouth spreaders, and speculum devices exist.

Sex lubricants such as K-Y Jelly can assist in achieving sexual penetration and increase enjoyment of wheelchair sex. Application of these gels or “body sauces” and massage oils to other areas where greater sensation exists may also prove pleasurable during wheelchair sex. 

Wheelchair Sex Positions

Wheelchair sex positions

Wheelchair sex positions

How do people in wheelchairs have sex? Just like any other person, usually in bed. Some sexual positions are more difficult in bed after spinal cord injury as paralysis makes it hard to roll over or climb on top, compounded by loss of leg function for support, and hips for thrust. Therefore some sexual positions are more easily achieved by practising wheelchair sex. Most modern wheelchairs have easy to remove armrests, swing away footplates, folding backrests and locking brakes and such easily accommodate wheelchair sex and greater sexual freedom. Those in wheelchairs due to spinal cord injury often describe their wheelchair as their legs and therefore it becomes a part of their sexuality.  

Paraplegics rely on upper body strength to perform adventurous wheelchair sex positions. Quadriplegics or Tetraplegics rely on assistance from their partner to do the same. For wheelchair sex sliding the paralyzed male or females bottom to the front edge of the wheelchair seat gives greater access for sex. When both sex partners have high level spinal cord injuries a sex worker may be employed to assist in wheelchair sex and intercourse. Be aware when limited sensation below the level of spinal cord injury exists, sensitivity above the level of injury often increases, and can become hypersensitive. Go easy on those nipples. 

Some find paralysis and wheelchair users very sexually attractive and actively seek them as partners. Most are caring empathetic people genuinely interested in people with disabilities. Occasionally however such relationships are sought assuming that a position of dominance and control will be given and can result in conflict or violence. Wheelchair sex fetish should not be thought of as perverse. Like any sexual practice it only becomes unhealthy or inappropriate and often illegal when forced into or thrust upon minors and unsuspecting, unwilling parties. For example; public masturbation, flashing and up-skirting. 

Throw Clinical Approach Out The Bedroom Window

As a C4 incomplete quadriplegic male able to achieve reflex but not psychogenic erections the sight of my beautiful girlfriend still makes me want to pin her to the wall and tear her lingerie off with my teeth. A clinical diagnosis deeming psychogenic, sexual thought and erotic vision of no benefit to establishing erection, bares no relevance in the bedroom. Scented candles, rose petals, lingerie, nudity, enticement, foreplay, wheelchairs and other apparatus can hold new use and appreciation for both sexes. Blessed with a patient willing partner I even turn my head sideways looking at my hoist lately. 

“Sexy is not about sensation. It took time to recognize that what I was feeling during sex was less about physical sensation and more of a mental build-up. It’s mind over matter, but there’s definitely a release. It was completely frustrating at first, but I think part of the healing process was learning the ways my body works differently after my accident.” – Angela Rockford

Experiment with your partner to discover the new frontier spinal cord injury and wheelchair sex brings. Talk with them to learn about their body, likes and dislikes. People with a physical disability often have a poor self body image, thinking they are damaged goods, broken, somehow less than. This perception or stigma is difficult to change in both the disabled and general public’s mind. Often an able-bodied sex partner will feel guilt for having full sensation. These feelings are normal and should be discussed, but don’t dwell on them. Healthy love making is about pleasing your partner. The person with limited sensation from spinal cord injury often derives great joy and sexual satisfaction from simply pleasuring their partner. 

A girlfriend of mine was asked what she sees in me because I’m, “not a whole man.” Resisting the urge to punch them out of their seat she replied, “He’s more man than any I know, I see the man not the wheelchair.” 

Spinal Cord Injury Emissions and Ejaculations

For seminal emission to occur the spinal cord nerves from T11 to L2 to the vasa deferentia, seminal vesicles, and prostate must be intact. Emission being a trickling or leakage of semen with no rhythmic contractions of the pelvic floor muscles as in true ejaculation. Some with complete cord lesions at lumbar or sacral level may be able to achieve psychogenic erections and emission. Retrograde ejaculation, where the semen is ejected into the bladder rather than the urethral meatus is common. 

When ejaculation cannot be achieved by sexual intercourse it may be induced by masturbation or vibrator stimulus of the fraenum (underside tip) of the penis. Emissions may also be induced by rectal electroejaculation (a vibrator applied to prostate via the anus). A hypo-gastric plexus stimulator can also be implanted to achieve emission, using a single inductive link across the skin. When neither ejaculation nor emission can be achieved collection of sperm by epididymal aspiration or testicular biopsy (a sample collected from testicles by needle) is possible. 

Fertility After Spinal Cord Injury

Fertility in men progressively reduces after spinal cord injury. A low sperm count with diminished motility (swim strength) is often due to continuing non-ejaculation, infection and raised testicular temperatures from sitting in a wheelchair and laying in bed for long periods with little mobility and poor air flow. Earliest collection and storage of sperm after a spinal cord injury might therefore be enacted. Seminal fluid quality may improve after repeated ejaculation. All good reasons to engage in regular wheelchair sex. 

It is essential to obtain microbiological cultures of the seminal fluid and eradicate any infection prior to proceeding with an attempt at fertilization. Fertilization success rates after spinal cord injury have improved with the use of seminal fluid enhancement techniques, intrauterine insemination, In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) and Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI). 

For women after an initial absence of menstrual cycles fertility is rarely compromised. If the spinal cord lesion is complete above T10 labor may be painless. When unable to bear down effectively during the second stage of labor forceps are often used to assist in delivery. Autonomic Dysreflexia during labor is a risk for mothers with a spinal cord injury at T6 and above, this can be prevented with an epidural anesthesia. 

Sexual Access and Opportunity for Disabled

“(Sex)abled Disability Uncensored” celebrates people with disabilities as sexual beings. This 14-minute film made by San Francisco State University students features the bright and lively participants of the discussion panel sponsored by UC Berkeley’s Disabled Students Union called “Are Cripples Screwed?” Enjoy engaging with Bay area community members and comedian Josh Blue (winner of Last Comic Standing) as they share their personal experiences with wheelchair sex, dating and intimacy. Please consider making a contribution to the production of this video at Sex Smart Films.

For significantly disabled wheelchair users such as high level spinal cord injury tetraplegics (quadriplegics) on ventilators living in structured environments, nursing homes, group homes and institutions, wheelchair sex and opportunities for sexual and gender expression may be limited. Institutional barriers to wheelchair sex and sexual relationships include cramped conditions, a lack of privacy, unwelcome intrusion by support staff, prohibited relationships with staff, prohibited sexual contact between residents and prohibited sexual relations between residents and visitors. 

Disabled people’s sexual and emotional needs are rarely included in any discussion or representation in popular culture such as movies, music, and magazines. When disabled people are represented in more sexually positive ways by media, often social cultural and institutional supports follow suit, advocating for disabled people’s greater sexual access and sexual well-being. For wheelchair users with spinal cord injury this positive sexual representation not only promotes wheelchair sex. It strengthens sexual self-identification and heightens sexual self-esteem. It creates an avenue for non-disabled people to see the disabled in a more sexually attractive light. 

Disability in the Commercial Sex Industry

Paraplegics and quadriplegics are employed as sex workers in several fields. Increasing numbers of women with paralysis from spinal cord injury and other physical disabilities are being employed in the phone sex industry. Some customers specifically request sexual surrogates (qualified sex therapy educators who engage in sex). Others request wheelchair bound prostitutes. Some earn a living as wheelchair sex porn stars. Disability sex educators, with an actual disability, are highly sought after. Wheelchair bound glamour models are increasingly seen in the fashion industry. There is even a niche for medical equipment test pilots. 

A 13 billion dollar industry in the United States, commercial outlets and websites selling “disability fetish” calendars, pictures and videos of disabled women and men having sex, wheelchair sex, naked “gimp” amputees, girls in casts and various other mediums of wheelchair bound people having sex are increasingly common in western culture. Most are produced solely for pornographic use which is fine for adult porn entertainment but is all to often exploitative of the disability sector. Porn movies featuring non-disabled wheelchair pretenders do little to promote real wheelchair sex or sex with a disability. The wheelchair becomes nothing more than a prop. 

The relationship between disability and the commercial sex industry has developed healthier approaches through increased education and recognition of sexuality of people with disabilities as an important issue. With or without disability however gender imbalance will always exist, where women are seen as goods and men as the consumer or buyer of such goods. 

Disability in the International Sex Industry

The global sex industry is worth an estimated 850 billion US dollars per year spawning many illegal underground sub-cultures. Human trafficking is the fastest growing criminal industry in the world, targeting vulnerable sections of populations including disabled people. Globally, 27 million people are held in slavery for the two main purposes of labor and sex. Often considered unable to work, those with a disability are nearly always exploited for sex. 

Disabled women often enter into traditional prostitution as the lowest and cheapest commodity due to their extremely marginalized status. This places them at great risk of sexual abuse, rape and sexually transmitted disease HIV/AIDS. Each country has their own inherent problems concerning sexual issues, such as traditional customs and culture, access and support, education and advocacy, economy and research. The problems facing the international sex industry are many and positive outcomes few. 

Paraplegic Ellen Stohl featured in a Playboy Pictorial in 1989

Paraplegic Ellen Stohl – Playboy Pictorial 1989

Five Quick Wheelchair Sex Facts

  • A Braille copy of Playboy featuring the beautiful paraplegic Ellen Stohl was provided by the National Library Service for the Blind and Handicapped in the USA until Congress banned its production.
  • The average age of entry into pornography and prostitution in the USA is 13. Of these more than 10% have a disability.
  • In Australia, the Accsex Network provides disabled people with a “sex-attendant” and can arrange access to other wheelchair sex services.
  • The Pink Palace, a brothel in Melbourne, gained global media attention by making their premises wheelchair accessible and installing a sit-down shower.
  • In Zimbabwe some still believe that HIV/AIDS can be cured by having sex with a disabled person. 

Barriers to Sexual Expression After Spinal Cord Injury

Social attitudes and physical barriers associated with decreased mobility as well as a dependency on others for care after a spinal cord injury often hinders sexual expression. A social attitude that deems people with physical disabilities as dependent and helpless only fosters assumptions. It serves to prevent able-bodied people from accepting a person with spinal cord injury as a sexual partner. 

Perceived as very “needy” a relationship with a person of high level spinal cord injury such as quadriplegia or tetraplegia is imagined to be extremely demanding and never equal. This attitude can also become internalized by the person with spinal cord injury. They start to believe their dependency makes them undesirable wheelchair sex and life partners. 

wheelchair sex barriers after spinal cord injury

Wheelchair sex barriers after SCI

Wheelchair sex barriers after spinal cord injury and the true sexual desires, prowess and functions of people with disabilities, are greatly compromised by mythical stigma and stereotypes. People with intellectual disabilities for example are often believed to be oversexed and dangerous or asexual and eternally childlike. Other wheelchair users, especially those with a spinal cord injury are considered unable to parent, conceive, or adequately raise children. These false stereotypes further exclude people with disabilities from sexual activities. This has been highlighted by an increasingly vocal constituency of people with disabilities expressing frustration at the social barriers preventing full participation in life particularly in the taboo area of sexuality. 

Emphasis has been placed on social re-integration of wheelchair users like those with spinal cord injury in recent times. Schemes and programs have been developed to open opportunities for wheelchair sex, independent living, education, employment, health, sport, transport and physical wheelchair access. Many people meet sex partners and life partners at college, their workplace and social events, but for wheelchair users they must first be able to participate and express their sexuality. Only then can they be seen as sexually able and possibly sexually attractive. 

Identified Sexual Outcomes After Spinal Cord Injury

Today, there is a greater awareness that sexuality is equally important to men and women with disabilities and that sexuality is an integral part of the development and experience of all people. Much of what we know about the social barriers that people with disabilities face in relation to their sexuality comes from the reports of people with disabilities themselves. Disability activists have also played a strong role, campaigning for the sexual rights of people with disabilities, including the right to have sexual relationships, the right to be parents, and the right to access sexual services. 

Wheelchair Love

Wheelchair Love

People with a disability including wheelchair users with spinal cord injury don’t always portray the youth, virility, athleticism and physical beauty that is so sought after in western culture. Often resented by the able-bodied, seen as ugly and repulsive, the disabled body is hidden or presented as something to be avoided, corrected, and pitied.

Historically, there has been a fear that people with disabilities will produce offspring with disabilities, and a belief that this is something that should be avoided. Despite the history of exclusion, physical limitations, isolation and abuse, it is important to note that for other people with disabilities, their sexual rights are being achieved and they are leading satisfying sexual lives.

Both paraplegics and quadriplegics living with spinal cord injury are enjoying relationships of all kinds, having children, marrying other disabled people and people who do not have a disability. People with disabilities are enjoying active wheelchair sex lives, dating, loving, touching, kissing, hugging, sucking, fingering, and fucking. Some are accessing the sex industry, visiting sex workers, working as sex workers, consuming pornography, and in some instances, making pornography.

People paralyzed by spinal cord injury are learning and teaching about sex, as sex educators, counselors, and researchers. They are finding and sharing useful ways to enjoy wheelchair sex, express their sexuality, increase sexual pleasure and bolster sexual self esteem. Prioritizing the sexual rights of people with disabilities, as well as dissolving stereotypes, taboos and silences will ensure that these success stories become the norm for most people with disabilities in years to come.

Graham Streets
MSC Founder

Resources

  • Barry, K. 1995. The Prostitution of Sexuality. New York University Press.
  • Bradford, S. 2003. Prostitution Reform Bill Good for Disabled People.
  • Fegan, L. A. Rauch. W. McCarthy. 1993. Sexuality and People with Intellectual Disability. Sydney, Australia: MacLennan & Petty Pty Limited.
  • Gary L. Albrecht. 2006. Encyclopedia of Disability. University of Illinois, Chicago.
  • Hughes, D. 1999. Pimps and Predators on the Internet: Globalizing Sexual Exploitation of Women and Children. Oslo, Norway: The Coalition Against Trafficking in Women.
  • McCabe, M. P. and G. Taleporos. 2003. Sexual Esteem, Sexual Satisfaction and Sexual Behavior among People with Physical Disability. Archives of Sexual Behavior.
  • Miles, M. 1999. Blindness in South and East Asia: Using History to Inform Development. Disability in Different Cultures: Reflections on Local Concepts. New Brunswick, NJ: Transaction Publishers.
  • Mona, L. R. and P. S. Gardos. 2000. Disabled Sexual Partners. Psychological Perspectives on Human Sexuality.
  • Murphy, R. 1995. Encounters: The Body Silent in America Disability and Culture. University of California Press.
  • Noonan, R. 2000. Sex Surrogates: A Clarification of Their Functions.
  • Raymond, J. G. 2003. 10 Reasons for Not Legalizing Prostitution.
  • Richard, A. O. 1999. International Trafficking in Women to the United States: A Contemporary Manifestation of Slavery and Organized Crime. Washington, DC: Center for the Study of Intelligence, CIA.
  • Shakespeare, T. 2000. Disabled Sexuality: Toward Rights and Recognition. Sexuality and Disability.
  • Shakespeare, T., K. Gillespie-Sells, and D. Davis. 1996. The Sexual Politics of Disability: Untold Desires. London: Cassell.
  • Shuttleworth, R. 2000. The Search for Sexual Intimacy for Men with Cerebral Palsy. Sexuality and Disability.
  • Shuttleworth, R. P. and L. Mona. 2002. Disability and Sexuality: Toward a Focus on Sexual Access. Disability Studies Quarterly.
  • Silverburg, C., M. Kaufman, and F. Odette. 2003. The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability. San Francisco: Cleis.
  • Sipski, M. and C. Alexander. 1997. Sexual Function in People with Disability and Chronic Illness: A Health Professional’s Guide. Frederick, MD: Aspen.
  • Taleporos, George. 2001. Our Bodies and Sexualities beyond 2000: Disability with Attitude: Critical Issues 20 Years After International Year of Disabled Persons. University of Western Sydney, Australia.
  • Wade, H. 2002. Discrimination, Sexuality and People with Significant Disabilities: Issues of Access and the Right to Sexual Expression in the United States. Disability Studies Quarterly.
  • Sobsey, D. 1994. Violence and Abuse in the Lives of People with Disabilities: The End of Silent Acceptance. Baltimore: Brookes.

Websites

 

spinal injury woman selfish

Secret Wheelchair Thoughts

Ever wonder why a total stranger finds it so easy to tell you their life story. Deepest darkest secrets they’ve never, and probably will never, tell anyone else. It’s anonymity. There is security in knowing you will never see someone again. Most of us carry secrets we would like to share, to get off our chest and be heard, or gauge a reaction to hear an opinion on. Whatever the reason anonymity allows many to drop their inhibitions, and share secret heart felt confessions.

“There are two kinds of secrets, those we keep from others, and those we hide from ourselves.” –Frank Warren

Most experience a life changing event within our lifetime. Triumph or tragedy, the birth of a child or death of a loved one for example. It’s at these times we often take a retrospective look at ourselves and revaluate our worth our ethos and perspectives. Spinal cord injury is without doubt a tumultuous life changing event. While it may sound odd at face value I feel very fortunate in having the insight of that tumultuous experience. People find me easy to talk to and often share with me their most intimate thoughts. In keeping their anonymity I hope these secret confessions of spinal cord injury and wheelchair secrets pictorials convey the heartfelt pure open and honest raw emotion with which they were given.

I'm surprised how much I miss my legs womans back wheelchair secret confessions

I’m surprised how much I miss my legs

I no longer fear death I fear life secret spinal cord injury confessions wheelchair man shoulders

I no longer fear death I fear life

I like when people stare at me but I hate my own reflection spinal cord injury wheelchair secrets man back

I like when people stare at me but I hate my own reflection

I've never been kissed it's not that I don't want too it's just nobody else does

I’ve never been kissed it’s not that I don’t want too it’s just nobody else does

I'm still all woman

I’m still all woman

Cut Here

Cut Here

Post your secret wheelchair life quotes and secret disability confessions. You can post under an alias name if you like, your anonymity is safe here. If anyone is willing to strip down and send me a clear photo (and what you want written) I’ll add it here as well. I am hoping in one of these ways you will feel comfortable enough to share your secret feelings thoughts and desires.

Life in a wheelchair raises many deep emotional thoughts and feelings regular people never have the benefit of hearing or have to contemplate. Often partners’ friends and lovers of wheelchair users have secret questions and thoughts they don’t feel comfortable asking. You don’t have to be a wheelchair user or disabled. I’d love to hear your secret thoughts and I’m happy to answer any questions I can. A quote from the heart is a very precious treasure, I will so greatly appreciate your responses.

-Graham

Waterdance Wheelchair Movie Wesley Snipes Helen Hunt

The Waterdance Wheelchair Movie

In conjunction with Juraatmedia we present The Waterdance (1992). A true-to-life film showcasing the epic struggle through rehabilitation, dealing with paralysis and coming to terms with spinal cord injury and wheelchair life. This somewhat dark movie written by Neal Jimenez (after he was paralyzed in a hiking accident) sheds light on a rehabilitation hospital spinal unit and three newly paralyzed central characters. 

In this spinal unit people are transformed as each must adapt to their new reality. A social order develops with its own shifting loyalties and rules. The Waterdance captures the tumultuous spinal unit world and portrays it in terms that the general public can understand. 

Eric Stoltz left William Forsythe and Wesley Snipes with nurse pushing wheelchairs down street in The Waterdance spinal cord injury movie

Out for a stroll

Along the way, we meet the typically diverse set of characters seen in such spinal units who have nothing in common except similar disabilities. Their similarities prove not enough and an uneasy dynamic between them develops. Author Joel Garcia (Eric Stoltz) breaks his neck while hiking, and finds himself in the spinal unit rehab center with Bloss (William Forsythe), a racist biker and Raymond Hill (Wesley Snipes), an exaggerating ladies man. Considerable tension builds as each character tries to deal with his new found disability and the problems that go with it. 

We warn this movie contains coarse language, sexual references and other adult content not suitable for minors. It is rated R. 106 minutes. Enjoy!
   

Helen Hunt with spoon & Joel Garcia in halo brace meal time at the rehab hospital spinal injury unit ward

Anna feeding Joel in halo brace

 
Joel appears to adapt easily to his new found paralysis using free drugs, sunglasses and curtains dull to his senses. Internally he doesn’t know how he will cope with his life and lover Anna (Helen Hunt), who is having as difficult a time as he is. Anna is married to another man, and Joel struggles to decide whether staying with Anna, as they had planned, is the best thing for them in light of his new disability. 

Biker friends of the once tough guy Bloss seem more interested in his compensation payout using a lawyer from a TV add than his well being. Bloss has a meltdown in his wheelchair that makes him realize he must face the truth surrounding his accident. Only then he begins to temper his anger and channel his frustrations in more creative ways. 

After tipping their wheelchairs Raymond reveals to Bloss a dream about dancing on the surface of a lake to stay afloat, it becomes apparent that each of them must find his own Waterdance to survive his tragedy. Depressed about the separation from his wife and daughter, Raymond is discharged from hospital into a nursing home, where he attempts suicide. 

The Waterdance is one of a handful of films that deals honestly and wisely with the issues of disability, spinal cord injury and life in a wheelchair. It may appear depressing at first, but it also highlights how strong people can be when faced with life’s greatest challenges.