Caused by disruption or injury to the spinal cord between C1 and C7 quadriplegia, also known as tetraplegia in Europe, is a traumatic life changing event. I’m Graham, founder of the Mad Spaz Club. At 26 I knew little about quadriplegia, that was all about to change. Laying in a hospital bed I remember thinking of all the things I’d never be able do again. After living in a wheelchair for 16 years now, I’ve found with determination and help from friends there’s little you can’t do. Quadriplegia is a life changing condition but it’s no barrier to living a full positive happy life.
My Kawasaki and Suzuki Katana 650 Motorcycles
BEFORE LIVING WITH QUADRIPLEGIA
Like most young Australian blokes I was into motorcycles, surfing, fishing, 4×4, camping, and travel. I owned and ran a successful electrical contracting business turning over $128K /year. I had ridden a Katana 650 around Australia with my brother and two mates and spent five months on a Kawasaki 650 twin riding across USA on my own. I was athletic handsome and worldly wise.
Growing up on my loving parents beautiful farm with three sisters and partner in crime brother, I’d rolled cars, jumped cars, brother even ran me over with a car. I had been shot, blown-up, electrocuted and damn near drowned, typical Aussie bloke stuff. I was soon to find my biggest challenge when early one crisp Sunday morning riding my beloved Suzuki Katana 650 motorcycle home my life changed forever in a split second.
MY SPINAL CORD INJURY ACCIDENT SCENE
I don’t remember every detail as I lapsed in and out of conciousness. Five o’clock Sunday morning on a northbound corner of the Gateway Arterial Highway near Nudgee, Brisbane Australia, where I had seen accidents before — one a deceased driver of an overturned utility whose lifeless arm lay pinned between the door sill and roof at the feet of two policemen taking notes in the dark of night – I slipped off the highway at 100 kph (60 mph). It flashed through my mind, “You’ve done it this time Graham” spearing head first toward the southbound lane embankment. I smashed my cheekbone into 6 pieces, broke nose, mandible (jaw), orbital (holds eye in), clavicle (collar) bones, fractured 3 ribs and shattered 4 teeth. That was with a good $300 Shoei full face helmet on.
I would recover from all these but not the two badly broken cervical vertebrae C5-C6 in my neck which ruptured my spinal cord causing quadriplega (tetraplegia). X-rays later revealed the impact on my C5 and C6 cerical spinal vertebrae was so severe it not only crushed my spinal cord but shards of the badly broken bones sliced into my spinal cord in several places and were still floating around in my neck. C4 was also not in it’s correct position. Along with the swelling this resulted in incomplete quadriplegia (tetraplegia). I would live the rest of my life paralyzed from the chest down in a wheelchair. Never again to feel fresh cut grass under my feet, bubbling surf around my hips, or the delicate warm softness of a womans body pressed against mine.
You would think being thrown around like a rag doll at 100 kph I would have left the motorbike behind but no, the hot exhaust came to rest on top of my left hand and I was unable to pull it away. Watching the smoke rise from my hand my brain was sending, “Pull your hand away” messages but they couldn’t get from my brain, past the damaged section of spinal cord, to my arm and hand muscles. I was totally paralyzed from the neck down. The exhaust burnt the four fingers on my left hand to the bone as I lay on my back staring at the sky wondering what the hell was happening. Having dated a nurse for ten years, and having a paraplegic friend in wheelchair, I knew I would most likely now be a quadriplegic for life.
ANGELS ON MY SHOULDER
Thankfully two men in a vehicle behind me noticed I had suddenly left the road and pulled over to check on me. Between these unconcious lapses I instructed them to lift the motorcycle off my hand and to not remove my helmet or move me. To take my mobile (cell) phone from my belt, phone emergency services, then phone my parents. Not wanting my mother to find out I requested they ask for my father, but due to urgency mum was told first. Mum later told me her heart sank, knees went weak, and an overwhelming feeling of sickness washed over her. I’m sure my father suffered the same. A strong quiet man, he phoned my brother, hitched the 6×4 box trailer onto his car and headed for me.
Between unconcious lapses, the policeman I would later come to know as “Dave the motorcycle copper”, arrived at the scene. I recall answering his authoritive voice with, “I’ve done it this time Dad.” Apparently he fell to his knees, he had children of his own. Around this time my best friend being close by had heard of my accident and shortly arrived on scene with his wife, a nurse. My best friend was left frantic and alone on the highway until my father and brother arrived at the accident scene. His wife accompanied me to hospital.
During the ambulance journey to hospital I complained to the young paramedics it felt like my head was resting on a steel bar. I was told to shut up and lay still. The incorrectly fitted, upside down stiff collar continued to lacerate the back of my head. I know every quadriplegic goes through feelings of “what if” but the fact is, if those idiots had fitted my collar correctly I would have more function today. I was taken to the Royal Brisbane Hospital (as it was policy to goto closest hospital) where a doctor took a quick look at me in the ambulance, and ordered I be taken to the Princess Alexandra Hospital, where they have a Spinal Injuries Unit. This delay and further travel only caused greater damage to my spinal cord.
FIRST DAY IN PA HOSPITAL SPINAL INJURY UNIT
Side X-ray of Titanium Plate & Screws holding C4-C7 and hip bone block together
In the Princess Alexandra Hospital Spinal Injuries Unit the surgeon warned, “You may feel a bump here.” I opened my eyes to see him swing the large surgical steel mallet, whack! Two pointy surgical steel bolts were hammered into either side of my skull just above the ears. Curved scissor like tongs fix to these bolts and 7.5 kilo (15 pounds) were hung from a rope running over a pully wheel attached to the bed head.
This was in effort of stretching my neck vertebrae out to relieve compression on the spinal cord lesion and limit any head and neck rotation that may cause further damage. Injections were also given to reduce swelling and for pain etc. It isn’t so much the broken spinal column vertebrae, but the amount of damage to the actual spinal cord itself (inside the spinal column) that eventually determines the level and severity of paralysis, loss of function and sensation, that determines diagnosis of Cx complete or incomplete quadriplegia in my case.
The wonderful nursing staff and support from my family and friends pulled me through some very dark days. Humor and love are great coping mechanisms. After a month in the acute ward the leading spinal cord injury specialist in Queensland at the time. Diagnosed with C4 incomplete quadriplegia Dr. Vernon Hill suggested an operation to stabilize my neck. This would involve remoing the shards of bone and replacing the badly broken cervical vertebrae C5-C6 with a shaped block of bone taken from my hip and fixed in place with a titanium plate and screws.
Front X-ray of Titanium Plate & Screws holding C4-C7 and hip bone block together
Removing the unstable C5-C6, bone fragments, and locking C4, hip bone block, and C7, together this way circumvents further injury to the spinal cord should I suffer an abrupt impact, fall or blow. Considering my wheelchair thrill-seeking lifestyle, the operation taking eight hours was a complete success, and of huge benefit to me. During a recent annual check-up at the P.A. Hospital Spinal Injuries Unit I had the priveledge of catching-up with Dr. Vernon Hill and thanked him for saving my life.
3 MONTHS IN PA HOSPITAL SPINAL INJURY UNIT
My girlfriend left me, it was hard on her and my lack of will to live didn’t make it any easier. I believe you need to love yourself before you can let anyone else love you. I didn’t love me as a quadriplegic. She had a gorgeous 18 mth old daughter. I sobbed, “I’ll never run down the beach, pick her up when she falls or walk her down the aisle. Go find someone who can.” She did but we keep in touch.
I was moved from the 4 bed Acute ward into the nearly full 48 bed Spinal Unit. I started learning how this new life with quadriplegia might work. Overcoming the “just let me die” stage and so sick of counting dots on the ceiling, it took a few weeks until I could sit up in bed without passing out or throwing up. A wide elastic waist band helped. I began sitting in a wheelchair for 2 or 3 hours before pain and exhaustion sent me back to bed. With no arm movement and little sensation rehab was slow. Aided by Physio and Occupational Therapists stretching muscles, weight machines, hydrotherapy, splints, sticky tape, paddle pop sticks and fish tank tubing all held new purpose. I set small goals like signing my name, sitting up for 4 hrs 6 hrs, taking more food and less pills. My nights were filled with horrific dreams.
6 MONTHS IN PA HOSPITAL SPINAL INJURY UNIT
Broken Clavicle & Dislocated Shoulder
I regained some limited, weak arm movements, enough to push myself one length of the Rehabilitation room. Quadriplegia is weird as no two quadriplegics turn out the same. Some with ”incomplete quadriplegia” may regain a little movement and/or sensatrion whereas others with “complete quadriplegia” none. In rare and often inexplicable cases they actually walk out of the hospital. I can say, don’t push or expect them to perform anything, all you need do is let them know you love them.
Just as blind people develop an amazing sense of hearing, and can feel the difference between a $10 $20 dollar note, losing the use of my legs sharpened my other senses. I started to see all the little things. Feeling the sun on my face would fill me with warmth, the nervous tone in a friends laugh would make me grin all day (maybe that was the medication lol). My father would smuggle in a six pack of beers on Wednesdays. We’d sit in the sun at the end of the spinal unit and down them. Mum brought fruit and flowers, great to bribe the nurses and trade with other wheelies. But the best thing they always brought was their love.
I had a Supra Pubic Catheter (SPC) installed. It’s a permanent silicone tube inserted through the lower abdominal wall to drain the bladder. I chose the SPC for ease of cleaning and sexual reasons. My friends were all getting married and after 16 weekend weddings in a row it became painfully obvious with my level of quadriplegia I would never regain enough strength to push a manual wheelchair around in the real world. Marriage – first I had to find someone even willing to love a quadriplegic.
9 MONTHS N PA HOSPITAL SPINAL INJURY UNIT
Brain lesion and fractured mandible
Diagnosed as a C4 incomplete quadriplegic with no finger movement or wrist extension I test drove a couple of power wheelchairs and of course, chose the fastest. At 30 kph it’s hard to beat the Quickie P200. Compact and turning on a dime is essential for navigating “normal” households. It can also be broken down for transport in a standard car. My modified P200 with Jay 2 gel cushion etc. was $9500. Later I bought a van with a hoist in the back. Had a ramp put on the back door of my loving parents home, modified my room, shower, toilet and installed an air-conditioner (as a quadriplegic can’t regulate their body temperature). We don’t sweat or shiver very well so the extremes of heat and cold knock us around. The CRS (Commonwealth Rehabilitation Service) was excellent and even paid for the above renovations back then.
12 MONTHS POST INJURY RETURNING HOME
Home again I spent most days sitting in the sun contemplating what I was going to do for a living as a quadriplegic. I followed up leads in accounting I’d started in hospital, began teaching myself how to use a computer and built working scale replica’s of balsa-wood planes with my four year old Nephew as therapy to tune fine motor skills.
My incredibly supportive family encouraged me to venture out. They didn’t see my disability or the wheelchair, they saw me as a man, their son, their brother. Early one morning I had an accident in bed, we call it a, “Kinder Surprise” (a diet chocolate egg with toy inside). It’s brown, tastes like crap and you never know what you’ll get until you roll me over. Being a real mess my mother seated me in my power wheelchair and I ventured outside. In the early morning light watching my Father gardening a bee landed to pollinate a flower right in front of me. In an instant my life changed forever again that day. Overpowered by something so tiny overlooked by most. Just another “little thing” yet so incredibly beautiful and I was still alive and there to see it. I felt a tear slip away and grinned at father who was now watching me.
Wheelchair Bound -- Heros Are Made Not Born
LIFE IN A WHEELCHAIR LIVING WITH QUADRIPLEGIA
Having lived with quadriplegia for 16 years now I can say, it took two years to come to terms with my life as a quadriplegic and think, yeah I’m doing ok, I have self esteem, confidence, contentment. Then five years came. I caught myself in the mirror one day and smiled nodding, “Now you’re doing ok, have accepted life as a quadriplegic.” It was an awakening. Shortly after that day I rounded the corner to the living room to find my mother with her head in her hands crying softly. When I asked what was wrong she replied, “nothing, I’m just tired.” quickly wiped her eyes and went on with her day. It was me, the enormous strain of being my primary carer had taken it’s toll. It hit me like a sledgehammer, that one person who would love me as a quadriplegic had been beside me the whole time, my precious mum.
I applied and lobbied the government for a place of my own and permanently funded carers. My father was instrumental in cutting through bureaucracy and red tape for me building a file three inches thick. Community groups friends and contacts made over the years all pulled strings for me. Six years ago I moved into my own three bedroom fully wheelchair and quadriplegic friendly home.
Graham of the Mad Spz Club
I currently work part time in Accounting and Internet Technology. I enjoy creating graphics like the wheelchair heros one above. I have four excellent carers who assist in my day-to-day needs from showering to gardening, 41.5 care hours/week. I continue to advocate for the disability sector playing a key role in securing $4.3 Million in non-recurrent funding for the state over four years commencing 2005. Early in 2009 I became an Ambassador to White Ribbon Day to end violence against women. A common reality kept all to silent amongst the disabled and their circle of charges.
There are many stereotypes and physical barriers ahead for quadriplegics and the “disabled” a lack of disability funding, public awareness and support. Hence The Mad Spaz Club. A little corner on the internet where we can get togther with like-minded people share our experiences and problem solve. Education and funding in the disability sector is increasingly enhancing the lives of disabled people. Find out what it is you want and don’t stop until you achieve it. You have a voice, make it count. Get out there and smile bright, enjoy your life.
Keep your eye out for us wheelies and all those ‘little things’ along the way.
Kind Regards,
Graham Streets
MSC Founder
Graham, What a wonderful site you have created here!!! I am a paraplegic due to neurofibromas (tumors) on my spine at T5. I have used a wheelchair for about 9 years. It is great getting to know others in the same situation, it makes you remember you are not alone. I live in a small village, so there is not a lot of others like me around here that really truely understand. Anyway keep up the great work you are doing here and the wonderful uplifting personality you have!! – Suzie
There is noway your quickie p200 or any electric wheelchair goes 30kph, u might want to change that to 12kph. cheers gr8 site
Hey Suzie: Thank-you, that’s exactly why I opened these pages for comments. I get a lot of email from quadriplegics, paraplegics their family, friends, partners. Most I responded to then thought if more could read these questions and answers it could help others. Believe me you’re not alone, one third of the population has some kind of a disability, or cares for someone who does. Most turn that disability into an ability without even realizing. When you see a blind man feeling coins to pay the correct amount you stop and think thank God I can see. He hands the exact amount over you think wow that’s pretty cool. You too can have the same impact on people. So keep smiling and show your ability.
Hi Steve: Sure it does! Did you read I’m an electrician? I know how to rewind electric motors. Helps if you know someone with a program box too. We programmed the standard p200 up to 98% straight line speed at the sacrifice of torque. It did about 22kph. I didn’t notice much drop in speed going up steep hills and backed upto a brick wall could still smoke the tyres. The standard p300 at 98% is faster around 26kph. I’m in a Quantum Vibe these days. Piece of shit two pole motors. First night out I folded the swing away footplates up underneath it Put more solid drop-ins on. It’s way slow at 14kph and speed drops significantly uphill. I was told you could get four pole motors for it, lies!! I’m not going to bother rewinding pissy two pole motors.
I should have gotten the Blast wheelchair with four pole motors. I’m told it’s faster than a p300. I fitted a tilt seat on the Vibe which reclines me to 55? taking pressure off my butt so I’m reluctant to get rid of it. You can’t put tilt on the p200 but I still have it. A mate wants to cut and widen the front forks allowing fatter tyres and lathe two new hubs bolting fats on the rear too. It will be my beach, all terrain wheelchair. If we ever get around to doing it I’ll post pictures, hell I’ll take video of me going 30kph in it.
I trialed the blast did the same as you folded the footplates under it, hated the plastic look and it was to big & clusy 4 me so i bought the quickie p222se haven’t looked back, its a bit higher than the p200, hey do u still have the p200 i need some spare parts? willing to pay 4 it
sorry missed reading you still have the quickie p200, want to sell it? you can put tilt on the p222se, since your an electrician maybe you can help me with my p200 then it still in gr8 condition but now & then when i’m driving it one of the drive wheels locks up & if i stop & let go of the joystick it goes backwards in circles without me touching the joystick its scary, i’ve replaced the joystick no luck with that. striped it down & cleaned everything as my dad is refrigeration mechanic, i’m thinking the control box any suggestion would be greatly appreciated, i live in townsville & there is no one here who has any ideas
Steve: I’m going to keep the p200 and plan on making it capable of driving on sand, a beach wheelchair. The Quickie p222 with tilt, Jay2 seat and backrest was around $10 000 so I ended up taking the Vibe with Jay2 seat/back and tilt at $6900.
Your electrical problem sounds like the control box, but there isn’t much more to it if you replaced the joystick. Buy a can of “Contact Cleaner” and WD40. Unplug a connection and spray with CC, let it dry then use a tiny sqirt of WD40 and plug them firmly back together, repeat for every connection. Your p200 wheelchair should have 4 pole motors. They are hard to access but when you do you will see four screw caps. Undo one and slide the spring and carbon rod (brush) out. Blow hard down the hole, be ready for a face full of carbon dust. Do NOT use CC or WD40 on these! If the brushes are short order new ones. Replace each brush and sping in the hole it came from, repeat for all motor brushes. That will narrow a few things down.
Graham, Do you use your hands for your computer or is it voice activated or something bc I would like to learn to use the computer bc I have to get my niece to type and stuff for me. I wanna learn how to do it by myself. Do you know how I could learn??
Hi Michael, I’ve been a webmaster with quadriplegia for 14 years. I also do some accountancy work from home on my computer. I type and mouse with one hand. Having no wrist extension, finger movement or sensation wearing splints to keep my wrists straight. I have half use of my bicep muscles but no triceps. When sitting in my wheelchair I can raise my arms but not push down. When in rehab I was made typing splints, one a plastic sheath like the finger of a glove with a soft rubber stopper on the end. Another was a figure 8 fixed to a pen, sliding two fingers in I write or put the cap on and type. With practice I no longer need them. I hover my hand sideways over the keyboard tapping my stumpy pinky finger on the keys. I say stumpy as it’s the hand I lost four finger from in my accident – see above article. For pen on paper writing I have a pen which slides into my wrist splint, you can imagine it takes a great deal of concentration to write legibly or paint with only your bicep. A quadriplegic mate of mine Bill has hands curled up like fists, he types using his knuckles.
If you don’t have enough arm movement don’t despair, get a stick and try typing with your mouth. You can buy soft to bite on U shaped teeth bits with a stick, called a mouth-stick. Another quadriplegic friend of mine Vicki is a webmaster and that’s all she uses. I’ve a mate who paints amazing paintings for Christmas cards with just his mouth. There are voice command programs that can help. I tried Dragon Dictate, it’s ok but takes a lot of “training” to recognize your voice accurately. Yet another of my buddies Shane with quadriplegia mastered it spitting out text faster than most can type. And Keith with limited head movement due to Motor Neurone Disease used an infra red camera that picks up a small reflective dot stuck to the forehead with great success. You type on a floating onscreen keyboard and simply pause longer than two seconds to click. You can use all of these to surf the net etc. I’m sure you could find many other solutions available if you do some research. Where there’s a wheel there’s a way!
Hello Graham. I really enjoyed reading your article. My name is Sonya and I am in love with a man who is a C4 quadriplegic. I am madly in love with this man. He has been paralyzed for 8 years. He seems happy and content, but I know sometimes he wishes he could hold me and I know he feels sad sometimes that he can’t, but I am happier than I have ever been in my life. Meeting this man made everything complete for me. I don’t know how you feel or how he feels living with quadriplegia, but I am understanding by your comments and by being around him. This man has been my best friend for 7 years, he has a kind heart and the most gorgeous eyes. I get scared sometimes, because I am not in his situation, but I am with him every step of the way. I findly know what it’s like being in love. I am thirty-four years old and he is 45 years old. I want a life with this man, do you feel that this is possible. He feels the same way about me too and everytime I am near him I fill so alive and I am so happy. This is the first I have been able to share my feelings with someone else, that is living with quadriplegia. When I was researching the web I found you and I am glad I did. Thank you for opening this site and please tell me what you think. Totally in love Sonya
Hi Sonya, I think it’s fantastic you see the man and not the wheelchair. I always say that’s a very good sign. True love is one of the most wonderful things life holds for us all and quadriplegia is no deterent. I know exactly how your man feels, I’m head over heels in love with the most beautiful girl in the world, she is so amazing. Sometimes I wish I could just pick her up in my arms, lay on a rose petal covered bed and slowly undress her. Rather than feel sad I try to find other ways to surprise her, like tearing her clothes off with my teeth lol. I encourage you to persue your relationship. 8 years is plenty of time for him to have found acceptance of himself, all he’ll need from you is belief in him and love. Tell him how you feel. Being totally open and honest builds a solid relationship. If you have any questions I’d be happy to answer them. You sound lovely, he is a lucky guy.
Graham, Thank you for what you wrote too me. I apreciate it from the bottom of my heart. I really do love this man and I have looked beyond the wheelchair. I like what you said about tearing your true loves clothes off with your teeth, sounds good too me. Thank you for your encouragement because I have no intentions of letting this man go. We share so much, and not to get to personal, we have been intimate and he has given me the most amazing nights I have ever had, he really knows how to make me very happy. Thank you for your friendly ear and kind words, but I am the lucky one, to have him in my life. He makes everything right without a shadow of doubt. Graham, listening to your words have been an inspiration. Trust me when I say that I am very honest with him and I don’t hold anything back. I believe in him and I love him from the bottom of my heart. Thank you Graham, you are my angel. Sonya
Finally.. that is the only word coming to mind at the moment. To give you a better understanding of why I’ll explain..
I am 27 years old, my husband is 27 with 11 years experience (38). lol He had a motorcycle accident 20 years ago leaving him a quadriplegic also. We have been together for 10 of those years, now married for a bit over 2!!!! I can empathize with the things you have talked about just knowing everything my own husband went through and continues to go through everyday. Though I wasn’t there I know what his rehab was like and know what life has been like since leaving rehab. We, like Ms. Sonya, started out as friends and the chemistry was undeniable. We have been inseperable since. I have to be honest in saying I had no idea what I was getting myself into in the beginning. The sleepless nights of disreflexia, the never ending appointments, the medical care, the constant need… I also had no idea how rewarding it would be to spend the rest of my life devoted to this person.
Let me tell you first hand, especially considering my and my husband’s age differences, it can be a difficult road at first, but the ending results are far more priceless. I endured a lot of negativity from people I thought were my friends b/c after all “I could do better”…”I” didn’t want better, THIS is what I wanted. If I had a dime for every time I have heard “are you sure you can handle this” I would be a frickin millionaire! Well hell yeah I can handle it! Now I look back and in remembering how hard it seemed to get our life together started…it really wasn’t that bad…b/c all that time, we had each other and we formed this TEAM…and now it’s us against the world! :) So Sonya, you go for it and you let this guy know how much you love him and all the qualities you love about him. Let him know that even though he can’t “throw you in bed”…you might can toss him in! Let him know that you look far beyond his incapabilities and see all the things he has to do better and work harder at to achieve the same goal. Become a team and nothing will get in your way.
Graham…we have TWO P222′s and he LOVES them! He “got in good” with his repair man and he was able to get one of the controls! Woo hoo…or maybe oh no!? The last he raced someone he topped at 10 mph. He loves his chair and y’all better watch out if he’s coming in for a landing!!! I can tell you first hand they are not nice when they get a hold of you! …you can’t imagine how long hair can get caught and completely wrapped up in the wheels (after falling out of his lap and he keeps going)…also not to forget those ole shin bones (they’ve definitely toughened up these past 10 years)…toes, ouch I’d rather not relive that one…just to name a few. :)
It’s great to find a site I can get some good info and also read about people in my same situation. Look forward to talking with you all!
Megan, thank you for the kind words I appreciate them very much. I do love this man he’s been my rock and my best friend for years. I have looked beyond what he can’t do and dwell each day on what he can do. I love the way he makes me feel. I have never been in love until the day I looked into his big beautiful brown eyes. He makes me feel so good inside and I would love for him to one day throw me in the bed, however I do enjoy the nights and days he shows me what he is capable of.
I don’t feel bad of his quadriplegia because I do look beyond the wheelchair. I am just glad he’s able to tell me each day how much he loves me and how good I make him feel. That makes everything alright. Yes! I have a lot of people wondering what I am doing with this man, but I never cared what people thought and I won’t start caring now. All I know is that he makes me smile. He touches my heart and he makes me feel good all the time. See I don’t care about the condition he’s in. I care about spending the rest of my life with this man. So I continue to live for the moment and I make each day count. It’s good to have someone in your life that touches it so deep.
This man drives me wild and I’ve never been more happy in my life, until the day we discovered we were in love. That’s the day I’ll remember forever and each day I spend with him is a memory that will forever be in my heart. Some days I wake up and I say this romance is too good to be true and then I look into his eyes and I melt and I fall in love all over again. I am so glad to hear your words and the words of Graham, I am glad to know someone understands. Thanks Meagan
Hi Graham, I was looking over your site on information about Quadriplegia. I am legally blind and work in Independent Living in the USA. I have many friends with Spinal Cord Iinjury and wanted to understand it better, espcially relationships, marriage, community life etc. Thank you for sharing so much with us, as we all continue to push for equality for everyone. Keep all well and Keep Shining!!
Hi Graham and All, Happy New year! I’m starting to date again……and am sooooooooooo fricking worried how my male friend will act. How does one explain to someone about a suprapubic catheters??? He knows I have a new health issue that arised in April of 2008 and I’m still adjusting yet! Is it safe to shave off the pubic hair with a stoma and cath down there? Can that be unwise to do or dangerous? Do any of you, if in a relationship, have an understanding spouse/partner? I have not yet told him about the extent nature of this problem including belly bags, leg bags, bedside bags, catheter plugs…. and bladdder pads that I wear daily, usually can get by with with just one a day. Am afraid to take chances w/o wearing one. Sometimes I’ll leak unexpectedly. :0( Any advice, or encouraging words?? Trishie :0)
Thank-you Nia.
Hi Trishie, HNY! Yes you can shave no problem at all. In fact hair promotes growth of bacteria, most are good bacteria though some are bad. That is why I suggest on the superpubic page to keep hair trimmed back away from a catheter/stoma site. You can shave the entire area if you wish, no problem at all. You could shave each other for that matter.
My friends/girlfriends have all been very understanding and interested to learn more when I tell them I’ve an SPC. I’m sure he will to. For some I used humor, look them in the face and say, “Did you know I’m peeing myself as we speak?” Or, “Did you know I can pee out the end of my trowser leg?” When friends are busting to go I offer a catheter haha. For others I used a clinical approach, “Honey, I don’t go to the bathroom like regular folks due to my spinal cord injury.” And a few the gently-gently, “Can we talk about something I’m afraid you might not like about me baby?” No matter how it’s always been accepted with understanding and compassion. It’s a necessary part of your life. The common response is, “We all gotta pee somehow.” If they don’t show understanding, interest and/or concern for you then it’s likely they never cared for your health or feelings in the first place and you’re better off without them.
Hi Folks, My question is how one effectively stays cool. I live in Nova Scotia, Canada. Where I live it gets cold, but rarely hits 30C in summer. I don’t even use a/c anymore. I’m planning a trip to Texas in June and am not sure what I should be doing to compensate for the heat – even though most of the places are fully a/c’d. I haven’t been in hot climes since my Spinal Cord Injury. Anybody got any good tips for me? Thx in advance…BobS
A friend of mine recently got in a bad car accident and looks to be paralyzed to some extent, though how much is not yet known. Before the accident she was also an incredibly athletic and outdoorsy chick. I was wondering if you can provide some specific advice to friends of quadraplegics. My own own list of ideas is depressingly short:
-Offer love, strength, encouragement, friendship, and company.
-Take her to see a raunchy all-women play in May (assuming she’s stabilized).
-Don’t leave your sense of humor in the waiting room. I’m guessing I’m not the only well-meaning but clueless friend of a recent quadraplegic. I’d love your tips.
Great site, congratulations on not only overcoming your own roadblocks but also reaching out and helping others.
Valentine: The best thing you can give a quadriplegic is love and lots of drugs. A sense of humor (was joking about the drugs) is also important as you noted, it’s one of those laugh or cry things. I wouldn’t make a list, just be yourself. A big fear and worry to those new to quadriplegia is change. How am I going to live, what will I do for work etc. It’s very daunting, bad enough their life is about to change drastically they don’t want everyone else’s to. Being yourself gives them stability and familiararity. Show support but don’t push them, sometimes the best thing you can do is just listen.
BobS: Take a hat. As you know it gets pretty hot in Australia, I wet a baseball cap and wear it, if at home also wet my shirt and sit in front of a fan. You can get gel pads to freeze and wrap around your neck. I’ve seen full vests you can freeze or heat and wear but that’s probably a bit extreme and they were expensive. Not much else you can do, a cool shower and a cold beer.
New Carer – I was wondering about the temperature problem. Feeling too cold and too hot? What causes that?
Crystals, Iceblocks, and an instant air circulating heater. Hot water bottle, placed or general bed heat up. Wet towels, hot or cold are common place. I did not know that this was typical.
Hi Linda, I’m sure that Graham can give you a more complete explanation, but I can give you my thoughts. With a partially severed spinal cord (and more significantly with a complete), through accident or medical condition many of the nerves are severed and can’t talk to each other. Depending which sets of nerves are affected different symptoms appear. That’s why different quadriplegics have different capabilities. For some of us one of the aspects is lack of temperature regulation – the body can’t tell the brain that it’s hot or cold. As an example as I am writing this it is about 20C and my hands and feet are freezing and I have a long sleeved fleece top on.
When my body over-heats, I can only tell by a flushed feeling in my face. If I let it go too long I’ll pass out. Since there is no communication, my body doesn’t know enough to sweat. The converse for cold. Back to your question, the simple answer, I think, is that there is a lack of communication in the heat /cold response mechanism in the brain due to a severing of the nerves.
Hi my name is Melinda. I briefly read some of your site. It’s wonderful. My brother-in-law is a quadriplegic. He’ll be taking his first skydiving jump as a quadriplegic. It will be his 80th time, but first as a quadriplegic. Day of the event will be June 27, 2009. We will all be there to support him. He is a very driven person with tons of confidence. He inspires us all. Perhaps I’ll send you some pictures.
Hi Melinda and thank-you, I hope his skydive was a blast today. Great to hear there’s thrill seeking quadriplegics getting out and living life to the max. We’d love to see some photo’s and will post them on our skydiving page if you like.
Hi Graham:: I was hoping you could help me. My husband was in a horrible motor vehicle accident a year and a half ago at the age of 29, which left him a C-4/C-5 quad. Before his accident he was very active and on the go all the time, he could fix anything and was such a man’s man, he was 220lbs and all muscle, he was my life. We also have a four year old daughter, who was 2 and a half at the time of the accident. I am my husband’s primary caregiver, except for a nurse that comes in three times a week for 2 hours for his bowel program… My husband is a fighter, he has taught me more than I ever thought I would learn in my lifetime. His will, faith and determination to keep fighting amazes me everyday. We have really good days and we have really BAD days.
For the past few months, I have been really struggling with the effects this injury has had on our marriage, emotionally, physically, financially, really in every way. We have not be intimate in a year and a half… we tried one time after the accident and it was so emotional for the both of us because it just was not the same. Being an extremely happy married couple before the accident I feel it is much harder to adjust to life after the injury. I am very confused right now and very depressed, I long for things to be the way they were before the accident, I daydream about how our wonderful life use to be. I want his strong arms around me and for him to be able to run and play with our daughter. I am tried and sad all the time. I want to come to grips about what has happened and I am scared that I can’t. I love him so much and we have been married for 6 years and together since we were teenagers. He is the love of my life. I just need some advice on what to do.
Hi Kendy: I was always told having your partner as your primary carer is the best way to lose them. It puts tremendous strain on your relationship as you are finding. I understand many people especially in the U.S. cannot afford the full level of care a quadriplegic requires but there are services available to you. My advice to you is talk with your husband explain how you are struggling and want to explore greater support services. So many in your position begin to feel like just a pair of hands. You need to be you first. He’ll probably be the first to admit, “I don’t know how you lasted this long.” If he doesn’t like the idea he’ll hate the inevitable alternative. I’ve seen it split the best of couples. Your doctor or hospital should be able to suggest support services.
Once you get some more support in place take time out for you, go out, visit friends, go for walks. You might then find it easier to accept that things will never be as they were, that is a fact, never Kendy. Let that notion go, focus on reality and what you do have. As my girlfriend says, “Things aren’t necessarily better or worse just different.” To revamp your love life find new ways to surprise each other. Do a sexy striptease, pleasure yourself in front of him (yes most guys like that), use foods, scents, candlelight to get him thinking and hopefully he’ll surprise you to. Or give me his number and I’ll set him straight lol. I wish you both and the children the best.
I am very new at this point. I don’t know how to ask or explain. but I will try. thank you for your suport to every one who are in this.
Hi Ruth, In an earlier reincarnation I was in Adult Ed. One of the saying that I used all the time was that there were no stupid questions, just stupid answers. As a result of becoming a quad, we have all had to try to figure out who we are, what is going on and where do we go from here. Obviously the answers are different for each of us. There is, however one thing that for me has been a constant. The Mad Spaz is a good site to air your questions and concerns and have people provide you with support and guidance. I have gone in several times for information.
I am very grateful to Graham both for his site and his support and the support of others that comes through the site. I would hope that you too would feel free to fire away.
Cheers
Can anyone give me numbers regarding finacial support for my partner who has just become quadraplegic we live in melbourne australia there is just so much stuff on the internet i dont know where to start and dont want to take the long road to get somewhere if someone knows where it is? i’m so drained at the moment looking after kids i’m finding it hard to find the time to do everything
Hi Mel, Finding your way through the maze of services and assistance available is always hard without a map and will be worse because you are still trying to come to terms with all the changes that disability brings. If your recently disabled partner is still in hospital it’s good to link with the social worker who can give you advise on what financial help is out there and how to apply. The ParaQuad Association of Victoria now listed as Independence of Australia (www.independenceaustralia.com 1300 704 456) has professional, OT’s PT’s etc, that can help with funding applications help with equipment and other services. They can facilitate you and your partners needs and take some of the stress from doing so yourself. Some of the financial help depending on your circumstances are a DSP (Disability Support Pension) through Centrelink (1800 555 677), a carers payment and allowance. Centrelink is always difficult to get onto because of the volume of work they deal with and the complicated forms, new to the systems and services you may find it helpful to link with ParaQuad first.
The State health dept (Victorian Aids and Equipment Program), will be able to assist with equipment and continence supplies. Often programs and services need support from an allied health person. There are other schemes out there that would help you now and once more settled. Feel free to use this site if you need to ask anymore questions
Hi, my name is Amy and my dad had a gun shot wound 3 months ago and he was diagnosed a complete quadriplegic. I thought it’ll be nice if i knew more about how to take care of him. I am really depressed. The hospital bills are crazy expensive and we can no longer afford to pay. Any advice on how to care for my dad emotionally?
Hi Amy, just be yourself. Quadriplegia is a life changing event. I think you’ll find it’s daunting enough for your Dad to face the vast amount of changes that lay ahead of him in his life. He won’t want his quadriplegia to change or impact upon your life as well. A familiar solid support base of family and friends is a good base to build on. So just be yourself, your Dad will tell you what he needs, doesn’t need and expects of you.
Hi Graham, My boyfriend of a few years was just in an accident and broke his neck at c6-7. Before he was outgoing and very active, now he is quadriplegic with some movement in his arms and wrist. He is 22 years old and I, 19. We’ve been together for a long time and I plan on staying together, because indeed he is still the same person in my eyes. I am horrified and scared at the thought of how to plan for the rest though. It might be because we are so young but I cant help wondering how it will pan out. Will be be able to have kids? We are set up financially right now, but how will we make it work down the road? What are some long term effects of quadriplegia… these are just a few of my questions. If you could give some insight or some answers from your point of view (because I am trying to be very understanding and I want to learn more about it) that would be a great help. Thanks
Hi Ler, unfortunately quadriplegia does often split couples up but there’s no point in worrying about what if. I can suggest being patient and a little more tolerant than usual. It’s a common reaction to push your partner away because they love you and “don’t want you to be stuck with a cripple.” Assure him you’re not going anywhere. The hospital he’s in will be able to suggest support resources in your area. Utilizing these can take some of the stresses off you both.
Having some arm and wrist movement is a great sign at this stage. Wrist extension means being able to drive greatly increasing freedom and the prospects of employment. Many people living in wheelchairs hold down a full time job and support their family.
You guys should be able to have children. It’s often suggested that men with a low sperm count wear boxer shorts to increase air circulation lowering testicle temperature. Sitting in a wheelchair all day doesn’t allow circulation and naturally with age sperm production decreases. At your ages it should not be a problem for many years to come. The ability to ejaculate is usually affected with a C7 spinal cord injury. Many hospitals take sperm from newly injured spinal cord patients to freeze in case needed later in life. Typically using a small buzzer or vibrator (much like a woman’s clitoral vibrator) under the head of the penis. There is no one case fits all here Ler, your boyfriend may well orgasm during intercourse. It’s something you guys will have to discover.
There are many possible long term effects from living as a quadriplegic. Common are increased onset of arthritis, pressure area problems, cardio and respitory related issues from extra stresses on the heart and circulatory systems like Deep Vein Thrombosis and Pulmonary Embolism (blood clot in legs and lungs respectively especially within the first five years). Long term use of medications have consequences and related issues from side effects. Recent studies also indicate a slightly higher incidence rate of tumours amongst people with SCI. Mortality rates from quadriplegia and paraplegia are highest within the first year of injury. It’s estimated the impact of a spinal cord injury only reduces a persons overall life span by 2 to 3 years.
hi,graham.. its a nice page here.. im 15 and im not a paraplegic or a quadriplegic… i just have pity 2 ppl who r disabled… no offence, but i really want 2 lend a hand but dont know how.. ive been watching videos of para and quad on youtube secretly for a while.. its a bit shamefull for me to tell people about what i watched cause other teens would watch the latest video clips and etc but not me.. i would immiedietly type for para and quad videos.. do u have any suggestions how to help the disabled?
im from malaysia and ive been thinking about how i never heard anything about para and quad here.. nor did i see anyone on a well built wheelchair like they have at usa.. so do you think we are a bit left behind or handicapped people here are simply neglected.. hope u are well and enjoy everyday of your day… *eyesha*
Hello eyesha, let me start by saying no offence taken and you have nothing to be ashamed of. It’s nice that you care enough to learn about your disabled friends condition and what they are going through. I’m quite sure most people would appreciate that. Often the best way to find out more about a disability and what you can do to help is ask the disabled person directly. If you had a broken arm people would ask, “How did you break your arm? Can I help carry your bags?” Paraplegics and quadriplegics are not much different. Talk to them and treat them like any regular person.
I’ve been to the U.S. and can say it’s not as wheelchair friendy as Australia or New Zealand. From what I’ve heard you are right, Malaysia is not very wheelchair aware or friendly and is behind the times. The internet is a great resource to learn and find support. In small remote villages community groups and local businesses are often very helpful and build ramps, modify bathrooms etc at cost or free. Hospitals are also a good info source. I suggest talking with your friend first as sometimes people don’t want to feel like a “charity case.” Modern wheelchairs are very expensive. The one I’m sitting in right now cost $28, 000 MYR.
There are still countries like parts of India and China where being in a wheelchair is seen as a family weakness. They are treated as a burden hidden away and rarely get the opportunity to venture outside of their home. Sometimes my friends or carers ask me for example, “Aren’t you worried you’ll look like a dork in that shirt?” I say, “Mate, if cared what I look like and what people think I would never go out my front door.” They just laugh and off we go.
Graham, thank you for the website and for sharing your story with us all. I am a 23 year old quad who recently graduated from college and I was wondering if you could ellaborate on how you obtained a job and a home where you could recieve the assistance and care that you need. Now that school is finished this seems to be my next step in life and any info you could pass on would be greatly appreciated. Also because we both seem to have movement in our arms and no movement in our fingers or wrists what adaptive equipment have you found that best allows you to operate a vehicle.
Hi Travis, computers and the internet have opened many opportunities for wheelchair users to work from home. The employment sector will depend on your skill set, obviously you can’t do town planning without the required academic qualifications and registrations but you could do data entry without any qualifications. An employment agency specializing in disability can help place you in employment and in most cases give financial support for equipment and workplace (outside of home) modifications, accessible ramps, water cooler, air-con etc. Centerlink can refer you to such agencies, ask Centerlink about “Mobility Allowance” while you’re at it.
I gather you’re in Australia? Register for public housing (housing commission) with the Queensland Department of Housing (or whatever state you’re in). You basically select the type, units or independent home and the areas or suburbs where you would like to live. It can be done over the phone or a rep will come help you fill in the registration forms. Then you need to register with Disability Services Queensland for care support hours. You generally need to meet with a rep so they can assess your current housing environment, safety, functionality, level of support required etc. to calculate the amount of hours to apply for. I was on these lists for 8 years, pestering and re-filing annually, so get on the list.
As a quadriplegic in Queensland without wrist extension you will not be allowed to drive. I only know of one such quadriplegic who did after spending 125,000 AUD modifying a Holden ute with specialized push/pull palm pockets. I say did because a few months later he wrapped it round a tree. I miss being able to jump in my car and go wherever I like. Check with your local police station, if there is an avenue to be able to drive, take it.
I just came across this site today I have a son Christopher preserntly in the pA hospital C4 incomplete Quad. he is turning 30 on Thursday so Im heading to the PA. I live in Bendigo and Christopher hope to relocate to Toowoomba I will go home and read all your details seemed very interesting.
I will be back in touch if I have any questions
Hi Carmel, it just so happens I will be at the PA Hospital on Thursday. I’ll swing by and if you’re not busy say hello, offer Christopher some encouragement. Up on the range at Toowoomba is a nice spot.
Hello Graham (hi mum *looking @ previous post *),
man sitting here on the anniversary of my admission still on the ward with 2 nights to go til discharge into a TRP house, reading your story has not only given me some extremely vivid and rather horrific flashbacks of 1:38pm, 26-03-2009. my split second forever locked in my mind, it’s also made me ponder short and long term goals. until i get Dragon and or Windows 7 voice recognition working correctly that’s about all i can share. it would be wonderful to type more but i think i’ve hit my endone threshold for today. i will say though as excited as i am to leave, i’m equally sad and scared shitless. hope to hear from you. Cheers Chris
Wow Chris it’s awsome you took the time to write. Thank-you so much, you made my day! I zoomed by your room thursday gone but you guys appeared busy. I ended up driving my powerchair back across the Story Bridge to Lutwyche before my arm gave way to taxi. Been awhile since I felt the soothing warmth of endone kick in, my shoulder dislocates when least expected, still I have to be near death to take any S8 class drug these days. I was very reluctant to leave the spinal injuries unit acute room let alone the ward. It is quite daunting. I noted your email address, will send you my contact details Chris. I wonder if TRP is what they call the independent living units now? I re-visit the PA this monday 29th, I’ll ask after you at the SIU nurses station. My best to your Mum.
Thanks Graham, it was great to see that Christopher had accessed this site, and thank you for your best wishes. Yes Christopher goes to TRP on Monday MacGregor. This is the step in stone to his move to Toowoomba once his Apartment is ready. This is a good move from the Hospital but also a frightening move. And yes Christopher also remembers when he left ICU after 4 months+ then also Acute so he has handled many hurdles so to speak. I cant even imagine what goes through your heads every day, the hardest thing I know for Christopher is that he has gone to OT and Physo on a regular basis and given it all he was capable of only to see many others get something back is very difficult for Christopher to understand…. but that saying “never say never”, we have to keep him motivated.
He has 4 beautiful children even though he has distance from them presently (Bendigo and Toowoomba) these little people will become very much a enormous part of his life but they are at the age now that Christopher has to constantly build on this bond and as they are so young and do not understand the enormity of there fathers injuries. But I have seen Christopher handle many hurdles in life when his feet could touch the ground, he’s an amazing young man, he has had to face many a hurdle, this is a pretty tough one but as his Mum I know he will give it everything he’s got. I always look at him beyond the wheel chair and cherish my time with him when I come to Brisbane.
It’s OK to have a bad day we all have them. As his Mum I do find it very difficult at this point, do I or when is the right time, to come to Brisbane, the distance is just so difficult, do I throw in my job, will I like living in Brisbane – Melbourne people love to visit but dont handle the humidity, constantly asking questions. I’m his Mum first and formost and with him in mind and thoughts every day we have a very strong bond we are good communiciators and access to these chat areas also helps.
As per Christophers note yes the flashbacks are certainly real Ive played back the first 48 hours +++ after the accident and Christopher has gone such a long way since then. Removal of Ventelator , Treaky, frist time on the tilt table (to see life standing up) Managing his Wheel Chair, etc etc Im just hoping to help Christopher realise that he has so much to offer in his life. hes a fighter, has determination and to keep setting small goals. Im sure if he stays on this site this will give him guidance, and support. Thanks Graham, Carmel
For the first three months I was unable to move my arms. I remember becoming very upset when I realized I couldn’t even sign my own name. Luckily I regained enough movement to be able to touch my face when I left hospital, despite a physio tearing my bicep. I’d scold Mum for telling people, “He’s got a bit more use of his hands.” Don’t say that Mum! My wrists and hands do not work, period. I’m just making more use of my arms. I never imagined that taking 30 mins to get a chocolate out of the fridge would give me such a great sense of achievment, but it does.
These days I can get a beer out of the fridge and open it, cook chicken nuggets, give my girlfriend a foot rub, write in cards, mouse, type, paint and sign my name. It’s not unusual for carers to come at night and find a trail of peanuts from the pantry or milk from where I dropped the bottle to the shower drain where I pushed it to empty. I challenge anyone to open a can of spam with boxing gloves on, that’s kind of what quadriplegia is like, permanently having boxing gloves on. I pulled out every knife fork spatula, even string, couldn’t get that ring pull. In my dreams I am able bodied, then I wake to a nightmare, go to swing my legs out of bed and remember I’m paralyzed.
Carmel, would you have moved to Brisbane had Chris not had his accident? That’s probably a pretty good guide. Quadriplegia is a devastating life changing disability, most quadriplegics find it hard enough to adjust, they don’t want others to have to change. They suffered the spinal cord injury and don’t want loved ones to have to pay for it. Now Carmel, this may sound harsh but it’s true, the more you do for your son the less the government has to. In order for Chris to achieve as much independence as possible he has to rely on strangers for awhile. It is scary and won’t always work out, that’s life. For the same reasons I won’t let my girlfriend fill my care needs, unless of course it’s vital. The best thing you can give Chris is your love.
Graham — I stumbled on to your website. I am a C-4 quad who is 30 years old. I was injured when I was 27 in a snowmobile accident. I like speed too. My injury, just as yours, has required me to make huge changes in my life. Luckily I have the support of my family. I am making every effort to reclaim my life and I can do consulting work from my home — I am a Human Resources professional. Now I am pregnant so I definetly have a purpose in life. You are right about finding joy in simple pleasures. I am taking one day at a time. That was the best advice I recieved from my psychologist at rehab and it has helped me adjust to my injury.
Thanks for being so upbeat and positive.
Wow thank-you Beverly for taking the time to read my story and respond so poetically. I have never ridden a snowmobile, yet. Congratulations on your pregnancy. That is simply awesome. It must be very exciting, while kind of scary? I would love to hear more about your life story and publish your own page on this site, plus any updates, if you will. I’m also interested in employing a human resources officer. Great things come from noticing little things. You made my day Beverly, thank-you. If it’s ok, I will email you within the next few days.
Hi Graham
I have just returned from Brisbane as Christopher is in TRP in Macgregor it was great to see him out of hospital and believe he is moving forward with his life one day at a time that’s for sure. He certainly has many challenges to master, like his anxiety especially with the time’s on his own. He will be at [removed] for another 6 weeks and maybe you could one day pop in and see him. He misses his friends from the hospital, and has made the most of every weekend as his mates have popped in to see him. I believe another patient from PA is moving to TRP this week and will only be a street away from Christopher so I’m sure these guys will share experiences and pop and see each other.
I also thank you for your comments going back a few days and talking this through with someone else helps you look at the big picture. He is working on his independance and ascertivness in organising his life with his carers, he has a lot on his plate but looking forward to getting to Toowoomba in his own place then he will be able to slowly adjust and of course this will be another transition again. He is very vulnerable and this is the scary part so the social worker is working on relaxation techniques.
I have found some time to read your site and all this information is wonderful, Christopher tells me he will also add his story to your sight and I think this is great encouragement and opportunity to move forward and understand how well each and everyone has done. It will happen may be more so when he gets to Toowoomba and used his voice recognition on the computer as this will be a little easier on his neck.
As his Mum he will always be my baby, love him to death he certainly inspires me with his determiniation. He also tells me not to come to Toowoomba as this will only make him weak and he will rely on me instead each time I visit he says he will work on showing me his strengths…Thanks Graham
Hi Carmel, nice to hear from you. I removed Chris’s address just for security. If I’m in the neighborhood I’ll definitely drop by. The PA nurses said I missed him by an hour on his day of discharge. It was nice to catch up with Dr Sue though. You know, a maxi taxi from my place to the PA costs $91.00 :eek: at least with the subsidy I only paid $45.50. So I drove my power wheelchair to the Casino, had a Bundy rum $9.00, and caught a train home $3.00, big difference. I’d love to publish Chris’s story here and follow his progress. If there’s anything I can do for you guys, even if it’s just to chat ;) don’t hesitate to ask. Cheers.
Hi Graham, it was lovely to see your email today we have had a very difficult time, Chris ended up with UTI and was taken away from his TRP place on Monday and ended up in the Mater Hospital. Cant understand why he was bypassed at this early stage from the PA he is still a patient at the PA as (parent) we see it this way. It has been a real eye opener for us.
Christopher was put into ICU as virtually a new patient and looked apparantely as he did in the first month at ICU PA a backward step. He had lost everything that was giving him independance and when I rung the Hospital Mater they said he had a bell to ring if he needed help… didnt they notice Christopher has no hands he cant ring a bell. He was about the check himself out of the hospital. So here’s hoping that PA have it sorted Christopher has for 12 months stayed on top of things as best he can… he certainly wasnt a happy boy and as parents it’s so frustrating to feel so usless in helping him. This trip has set him back a few steps for sure. So when you have time drop him a line he can’t even access his computer at this point… but he will know his Mum has been worried lets hope tomorrow is a better day.
Thanks Graham it always seems that when you talk to someone elese even by email you feel better… So where do you live Graham… I think you mentioned it in an earlier email must re read it. I must say that when your in a Taxi no matter who you are they seem to find every traffic light $$$$ from Macgregor to Mt. Gravatt which is 6klm cost me $23 the other night… I had to pay full price. Hope to meet you on one of my visits. Thanks for being there.
Carmel
Hi Graham, i am not a Quadriplegic or a Paraplegic but for many years, and i’m 61 now, i have wondered about how life as one of the above would be like and after reading your storey i now have a much better understanding, so how did i come across your story. Well for about 4 + years now i have been designing a better way to propel manual wheelchairs and have now completed that idea and built a new kind of pusher, that can propel manual Wheelchairs without the need to touch the wheels at any time.
However after building the pusher and trying to get feed back on it, was trying to extract teeth from a hen. Untill two weeks ago i was down at a park taking photos of the chair to send to the new inventors in Sydney as requested by them, and along came a guy who’s name is [Shuan i found out when he introduced himself to me.] being pulled along in his manual wheelchair buy his trusted mans best friend. Tipper, the dog.
He seen me and could see that i was’nt a wheely but had a wheelchair and was taking photo’s of it. So he spins his wheelchair around and comes over to me and se’s, hi dude, whats the deal with the wheelchair, so i explained to him what it was all about and he shook my hand and said bloody good on ya mate. Can i have a go and swung himself from his chair into mine and tried it out. He said you know bud, this gadget, apart from every other obvious help it will be to a manual wheelchair user, it would be the answer to a lot of Qaud’s. Well i said i didn’t know what he meant, so he sat in his chair and i sat at the park table and he explained that there are some Quads that regain some use of their hand movements enough to allow them to open their hands a bit so they can pick things up and maybe be able to use the pushers because as it is at the moment they can’t use a manual wheelchair without a helper to push them.
So this led me today to look up on Quadriplegic and find more about it and what it all means.And thats how i came across your story and all the other guys and gairls comments as well. I have read and talked to a few people and i have felt a bit embarrass’d to ask to many questions, but finding this site maybe you could fill me in on= do Quadriplegics get some use back in their hands and arms enough to push a wheel chair aided by a vertical handle much like pushbike handle but vertical obove the wheel of the wheelchair.
Hi Graham, thankyou for taking the time to write to me. I saw a manual wheelchair called the TrackChair. It has two hand rims on each side of the chair and an axle that allows control of one or both wheels with either hand. It has a differential that allows both wheels to lock together (using one hand). No more sticking a hot coffee between your legs to move forward. It was on the new inventors. Recently at my local mall I saw a man using a bicycle handle type of lever on a manual chair to propel himself. The single lever came up between his legs though and I’ve no idea about turning reverse etc. I’m guessing it was some kind of ratchet mechanisim.
To your question: (of which you may ask as many as you like ;). Yes, many quadriplegics regain movement but this generally happens within the first three months of spinal cord injury. Then it is a matter of building strength and range of motion in muscles where function remains. Short and sweet, paraplegics have full functioning fingers, quadriplegics have impairment of fingers. The more severe damage and height on spine, palms, wrists, forearms and so on all become impared. Many quadriplegics use a manual wheelchair as wrist extension (wrist upward closes and as Shaun notes, straightening wrist opens). I made a visual representation of level of injury and resulting paralysis here.
Pertaining to your wheelchair lever I don’t know the specifics but a 1:1 ratio where 1 rim push or 1 lever push = 1 complete wheel turn, a lower ratio 2 lever push = 1 wheel turn would enable quads to go up steeper inclines. The lower the ratio say 8:1 the greater the ability to access enabling those who can’t use a conventional manual wheelchair. An ability to choose 1:1 through 1:8 or 1:24 would be ideal. Conversely 1:8 could see paraplegics keep up with bicyclists. Another consideration is balance, most quadriplegics have poor balance and need to swing one arm around the push cane handle for stability while driving with the other. I hope that answers some questions. Feel free to ask more.
Thanks mate you have given me more in your note than i have been able to get in one year. I to live in Queensland in Southport on the gold coast. The pushers i have designed are used much the same as pushing the chair by hand on the rim except that you push on a lever that pushes a striking plate onto the tyre with the momentum of forward or reverse to propel the wheelchair along. So the length of stroke achieved by pushing with the hand on the rim, to the ground covered is much the same as pushing with the pushers. The only difference being that the lever gives about 60% more power in propulsion and allows hill climbing to be a breeze.
Ordinary every day use is as easy as, you need no more strength to get it started than the last stroke you do, no more cuts to the hands damaged wrists no more gloves unless its cold,ect ect. Yes i have seen the other propulsion methods on u tube and was pleased to see others trying to make a difference as well. There are a few out there The english new drive, The American ones the Wijit and the one you mentioned and another thats name has alluded me at this time.
Anyway all good stuff if it can help people in wheelchairs to get around and be more independent. I can’t believe though that wheelchair manufactures hav’nt come up with something by now it sure would inject some competition into the industry what do ya reacon. Anyway mate take care and keep up the good work this is a great idea of yours good luck.
Graham Remnant.
Have you seen this Graham?
The Wijit is a new mechanical wheel system that is compatible with most manual wheelchairs and requires only a minor installation process. It replaces the push rims of standard wheelchair wheels with a lever system that the rider pumps to move forward. The makers of Wijit state that it provides up to 60 percent more energy efficiency than regular push-rim propulsion, meaning riders can climb steeper ramps – or simply go farther while using less energy.
There’s also a reverse gear and, most importantly, brakes: the levers are squeezed inward to apply unprecedented braking power. The levers are also easier on the palms and wrists than push rims. A future version of the Wijit will have a selectable gearing system, allowing riders to gear up to cover even more ground per push.
Adding the Wijit system to the standard manual wheelchair provides many benefits to the user. With the added power and safety gained from its lever design, it is also a low-cost and healthy alternative to an electric wheelchair for people with a wide range of disabilities who were previously unable to use a manual wheelchair.
Other Wijit features include:
•Driver handle mode switch – to easily switch between forward, reverse and neutral.
•Quick-release wheel system – for easy wheel-swapping ability and wheelchair transport.
•Two specialized wheel versions – The Beauty (smooth tread for around town and indoor mobility) and The Beast (rugged tread for outdoor activities).
•Advanced, streamlined wheel design – only adds up to an inch to the overall width of the wheelchair.
The system costs about $900 per wheelchair, versus about $500 for regular wheels. It is approved and reimbursable by Medicare.
Graham reading this tonight has put such hope in my mind for my good friend “Steve” he bacame quad in November 2008, and has been placed in a nursing home at the age of 48. The nursing home is depressing and so sad. his parents are elderly and I am NOBODY to him, but that friend that is there TO LOVE and HELP him. I have considered becoming an advocate for the disabled after being involved in this scenario for Steve. He recently has told me he feels tingling when I push his toes forward or massage his knees, and night before last he showed me that he could almost tap his left leg to a song, can’t keep the beat, but .. he also wiggles toes on both feet somewhat. I know that there is something more out there like the hospital that you were fortunate to be in, I am wanting to find that for him. He has given me permission to research and share but not to be discouraged if he does not want to participate. I am hoping that i can take this story to him however I don’t believe the nursing home has WI Fi.. he gets some PT but has NOTHING else to do during the day he sits in front of the TV going out to dinner is absolutely not going to happen for him as he is afraid of people staring at him. your story on this evening that I have chose to stay home and research certainly inspired me. Especially when you mentioned being loved.. I told him Steve I love you like a brother, and you need to know that people do love you,. I lost my beloved husband to cancer 3 years ago, and finding a friend to care for and love is WHAT I HAVE FOR HIM, and WHAT HE NEEDS, and he listens when I talk, it all just works.. Except that I have to be careful as his parents dont want me to give him false hope or encouragement. But I believe he NEEDS HOPE and ENCOURAGEMENT.. Thank you for this sight…. it has shed light for me that I definately needed..
Cheryl
Hi Cheryl, perhaps you could explain to Steve people only stare because they’re interesed in him. In much the same way large breasted women get stared at and often receive special attention. He is still the same man inside with a very interesting story to tell. He can wallow in self pity or make the most of it and let people open doors, meet new people and educate them. He has access and opportunities that people in his situation in poorer countries never have. Buy him a new suit Cheryl, dress him up and drag his ass to dinner. I take it you are in the US so as far as therapies and further resources look into the Craig Hospital in Colorado.
Thanks Graham you are right about the pity.. and the way people look at people that is an interesting way to put it to him. Thank you. I don’t know about the new suit .. but at least some khakki’s and a nice shirt.. He is in tee shirts and pajama or sweat pants all the time. I like that ideal. Thank you and I will investigate Craig Hospital in Colorado.. I think big issue is insurance and that is a sad state of affairs. I like your reply.. THANK YOU AGAIN
Hi Graham, this is just a short email to let you know that Christopher died on Wednesday the 5th May, so very sad, a courageous young man who accepted his disability and had many dreams and visions, may be rest in peace… thank you for all your support I had hoped to meet you one day. Thanks Graham
Carmel Shannon
Oh my Carmel.. my deepest sympathy and condolences to you and Christopher’s family. I’d still like to meet you if you’re ever back in Brisbane or I get to Bendigo. Was it septicemia? What a tragic loss.
Hello Graham,
My name is Ashley and I am the sister inlaw of a recent c4 quad patient. My sister inlaw was in a horrific car accident in which she shattered her 4th and 5th vertbrae and damaged the 6th one as well.
I was going over websites trying to find more information on her condition when I came across your site and thought oh my god she needs to read this!!!
First and foremost I wanted to let you know what an inspiration you are to the disabled… not many people with your type of injury have your attitude!
I also wanted to ask you a few questions in regards to her recovery if I may…
She had her accident on Feb 26, 2010 and has been at the hospital here since that date. When she came in to the hospital the dr’s informed us that she had shattered her 4th and 5th vertbrae and that they would need to conduct surgury, taking bone from her neck or hip to make new vertbraes and then connect them with 2 rods keeping her neck stable. The dr’s told us she would have a 20% chance of making it through the 10 hour surgury and she did :)
Then came the hard stuff… We were told that because of where she sustained her injury they call her a c4 patient… that she would have head movement only…shoulder movement if we were very lucky. she spent the first 4 weeks of her ordeal in SICU (surgical intensive care unit) on a boatload of drugs and a ventilator as she could not breath on her own. on March 21 she moved to IICU (intermediate intensive care unit) which specializes in removing the ventilator.
She has recently come off the ventilator (YAY!!!) and she is now eating, drinking and of course talking!!! I hadn’t heard her voice in 2 months and was soooo glad to have her playing tricks and being back to her old self…. then came the realization.
Once she was off the ventilator and able to talk she was more able to express her emotions. I can only imagine what her mind and body is going through right now and I want to do my best to help but am not really sure how. Our days are now spent being angry, then crying then being happy for a bit and repeating this cycle… which I’m sure is normal.
Before her accident she and I were not very close but afterwards we have both come to realize that life is too short, so she has been asking me to help out with some of her personal care I.E. brush her teeth, shave her legs, brush and stlye her hair and most recently make up. I love doing these things for her and will continue to do so if she wants me to but I fee like im not doing enough.
Lately she has been very emotional which is to be expected but she has also said some very harsh things towards us which im certain she doesnt mean but it’s still very hard to take in. While her boyfriend and I were getting her ready to see a visitor she had a major breakdown. She said she couldn’t live like this, was giving up, didn’t care about therapy and she just wanted to go home… who can blame her right? then she told us that she didn’t know who to blame for the state she was currently in… the drunk driver who caused the accident, or us her family for keeping her alive when we should have let her die. Her boyfriend and I just didn’t know what to say. We have been trying so hard to do everything and anything we can to help her with her recovery and now she was pushing us all away which from what I read above with your accident is a typical feeling.
The last week or so has been much harder for her and she is slowly getting better as she has good moments but then slips back into the dark.
there are 5 of us (mom, dad, brother, boyfriend and myself) who have been at her side everyday since the accident and are not going anywhere but how does one take the harsh words that come from her anger? I know in my heart that she will slowly come around but then I think what if she doesn’t? To me everything she does is amazing! They said she would maybe move her shoulders as in give us the shoulder shrug once in a while and I am estatic to say that she has much more movement then that!! She started to regain feeling in her right bicep which moved to her elbow then to her wrist. she can now touch her chin with her right hand with a bit of assitance and is also regaining feeling in her left arm, stomach and bum. The last few days she has also moved her pinky and ring finger along with her thumb a few times!!! She could also feel me rubbing her toes as well.
I guess im just looking for more things I can do for her to help her through recovery. She has an amazing boyfriend who is not going anywhere and takes extrememly good care of her but mentally she is not doing well. she tends to compare who she is now to who she was before the accident and does not seem to see the positivity in what she has already accomplished. How can we as a family help her through that?
She will be moving to rehab next week to start full time OT and PT. she is quite excited to get to rehab but also more excited to go home. She wants to get out sooner than later and we want her to use the rehab experiance to the best of her abilities… how can we make her see that rehab is where she really needs to be?
She is also having huge difficulties with showering and moving from the bed to chair. To her she has lost her dignity and will never get it back… is this a constant feeling you still have or does this go away over time?
I think she is also worried about being intimate with her boyfriend as well… but she would never talk about that sort of thing with us. She is going to be 29 in June and had just started thinking about having a family. She was able to feel a rectal exam the other day which makes me hopeful that she has or will have feeling in her “lady parts,” but is it possible for her to have a family and feel those things?
I guess I’m just trying to make sense of everything so I can do my best to help her in any way I can. again I can only imagine what she is going through and I want to help her see that she is still the same person.
Thank you for your time and again thank you for your website!
Hello Ashley, the lack of self worth and let me die feelings are typical as you noted to anyone with paralysis from spinal cord injury especially quadripegics or tetraplegics. They will become less frequent but never cease. I still have my bad days like anyone does and will continue to.
When you find it hard to hear, keep this in mind, when we have our worst day tomorrow can only be a better one. Often the underlying reason for vocalizing such feelings is hope of it simply being heard, and possibly that someone cares. The feelings don’t need help or fixing, acknowledge them with a reassuring nod, wry smile, hand on her shoulder, tell her you care for and love her. That’s the best you can do.
I used to make similar comparisons, “The old me died that day and I can’t get him back, I have to start over, a new me.” My family and friends never fully understood that but I bet your sis-in-law would. It is hard to find dignity in someone else wiping your bottom. In time acceptance is about the best you’ll get and with that some dignity will be found but more-so in achieving goals. Again reassure her you have and will love, who she was, is and will be.
In angry patches move your seat back a couple of feet and go quiet. Break the cycle by not participating in or entertaining the conversation. Of course if she is being abusive, you have every right to pull her up and ask her to not speak that way, to show some respect. Quadriplegia doesn’t give one the right to be an ass.
The movement and sensation she is gaining is very promising. Many quadriplegics even with her current status have children these days. IVF (invitro-fertilization) epidurals and c-sections are common to many mothers. The ability to love, engage in sex , fertilization, pregnancy and birthing should remain almost unaffected except of course lack of sensation, poor self body image etc. It’s unlikely she will ever regain full sensation in her lady parts. You (and boyfriend) might benefit from reading our Wheelchair Sex After Spinal Cord Injury article.
The best thing I can advise you do is continue what you are already doing. Tell her and show her you love her without expectation. Leave pushing rehab to the OT’s and PT’s. Try not to place too much pressure or importance on regaining sensation and movement. I’m quite sure sis-in-law is already placing enough of that on herself. It can be very disheartening when it doesn’t come. I hope this helps and answers some of your questions Ashley. Be sure to take time out for yourselves. You need to be strong before you can support others. My best wishes to you all.
*Comment moved here by Graham*
My husband fell off a ladder one year ago this Sunday. The entire year has just been gtting use to the new life. C3/C4 central core syndrome. Pool therapy and lots of support, but it’s getting hard. What about technology? Voice activated computers? Automatic wheel chairs?
We cover those above Sherry. Please ask if you have more questions.
graham, I thank you for your site. I am amazed at all the entries. Seems like you’re the only one dealing with this when it is happening to you. What advice do you have about selecting the right wheel chair (electric). In the states Medicair, which my husband (70, he likes speed too) qualifies for, pays for an electric chair every 5 years. So, we darned well better like it unless we have lots of money, which we don’t. So, any advice on how to deal with they system?
Reading these posts have been a lot more interesting to me being quadriplegic, than i could have imagined. 10 years, after a long fall at a ski resort. Being able to recognize so-called stages of recovery, many are like myself, trying to learn more about a subject of being in a chair, or relations and using posts to relate to female perspective. I was blown-away by, `grace’? Loved her friend so deeply, after saying that they were not close, prior to accident.
nick
Thank-you Nick, it’s always nice to hear what we do has value.
Hi Sherry, I popped over to your blog and read your wheelchair post the other day. For me choosing a power wheelchair is all about lifestyle. I’m adventurous so; compact to navigate a regular house and shops, well sealed components for beach and rainy conditions, large 52 amp/hr batteries and speed as I often travel more than 10 miles in one day, decent torque to get me up steep hills fast, undercarriage clearence to bounce up steps a brick high etc. Then I consider comfort; padded armrests as my arms are skinny, power tilt to sleep in my chair, and so on.
In Australia we have similar schemes, MASS (Medical Aids Subsidy Scheme) which is funded by the govt. and contributes upto $6400 AUD toward a power wheelchair every 5 years. There are some options like a MASS “one off payment” and other schemes to bridge the gap if your powerchair costs more than that or you can pay the difference yourself. Ask at Medicair or enlist the help of an Occupational Therapist as they would know best what’s availible in your area.
Hi Graham,
Ashley back with another question!
But first I thought you may want an update on my sister in law :)
She is now able to hold her right arm up and move against gravity (she has an easier time pulling the arm in rather than pushing it out) but it’s a great start! She also has had feeling move down from her right wrist into her palm and can now also feel her right thumb. She is also working hard to gain more in her left arm which is slowly coming back as well.
Things are okay we have been waiting 5 long gruling weeks to get her into the rehab program with little to no sucess as there is a superbug infesting the ward and they will not allow new patients in. Her mood is somber due to not being in rehab but other than that she has really turned a corner!
Anyhow, I have a question regarding family… My boyfriend (patients brother) works really hard and long hours and sometimes does not have the energy to go up and visit her. He normally wakes around 5:00AM and is out the door and then does not normally get back to his place of employment until anywhere from 6:00 to 8:00PM (operates heavy machinery) He loves his job but feels really guilty some nights for not going in for a visit. I have finally convinced him after 4 long months to take at least 1 night off per week for himself so he can rest and be in tip top shape the next day for a visit but he still feels like his sister and parents are dissapointed in him for not going…(parents and boyfriend of patient have not worked since the accident.) My boyfriend and I are not on salary, therefore if we don’t go into work we don’t get paid and when your saving to buy a home that can make things difficult. I’m very worried that he will end up hurting himself or someone else on the job site due to lack of sleep and I don’t know how to encourage him to take the time he needs, or if it’s even my place to say anything at all.
His family (sister included) have all dropped little comments about the time he spends or doesn’t spend at the hospital but no one has actually tried to talk with him about it so he gets pretty frustraighted with them as he loves his sister and wants to be there as much as he can to help her however he has also worked extrememly hard to get to where he is today with his job and is not willing to give that up either.
I guess I am asking you whether or not I should try and talk with him on this and if so what can I say to help him better understand how to talk to his family about this and what to say to them. Our family has very poor communication skills but this is something we are working towards changing and want to do so in the right way.
I think because his family spends all of their time at the hospital they expect him to do the same with every free moment he has but it’s also hard on me as well because I also work full time and then go home every evening to care care of the cleaning, cooking laundry etc… so he can spend time at the hospital instead of worrying about housework. He feels bad also for me as well because he doesn’t think it’s fair that I should pick up the slack for everything.
I guess were really just wanting a piece of our lives back. We in no way want to stop going there, we just want to be able to take a night off without feeling bad.
What do you think? Thanks again for all your help, you should get into public speaking!!!!!
Hi Ashley, nice to hear from you and that sis-in-law is progressing well. Sis-in-law and I have quadriplegia in common but are probably two totally diffefent personalities so outside the clinical arena I can only share my personal views and experience.
I cannot recall ever saying anything about people not visiting, in fact the opposite, I don’t like people visiting me in hospital. I felt strongly that I alone was responsible for my accident and therefore it should not become anyone else’s problem. I felt like I was a burden when people went out of their way to visit (and there were hundreds). I encouraged them to not change, continue on as normal and provide that familiar stable base for me to build on.
Your sis-in-law sounds a bit different. Still I feel it’s totally acceptable that your boyfriend only spend as much time with his sister as before the accident. No special treatment. Being time poor perhaps he could write some nice quotes, memories, lyrics, jokes etc in cards for you or family to take to hospital.
The feelings of guilt he carries are his own and typically us blokes like to work thru things on our own in our own time. Certainly you could point out, she had the accident not him so why should he have to change, or pay for it? He shouldn’t. Avoid continually pushing that point of view though as it could turn around and start to reafirm guilt. Once or twice is all he needs to hear. Hearing similar from family could also relieve alot of his guilt.
Allow me to tell you Ashley, it’s not your fault either, let any of those notions go. You and your boyfriend have your own lives to continue on with and so you should. What night of the week is your night off? You see, we all need to take our own advice sometimes little miss. As long as sis-in-law knows you guys love her you’ve done all you need. Keep smiling, it makes the world a little brighter.
I’m a paraplegic due to a diving gone bad in 2006. I was just a few weeks shy of my 14th birthday. Almost all my friends stopped talking to me after it happened. What you’re doing with the website is awesome. I don’t know anyone in the same situation as I am so I always felt alone. Despite all this I managed to keep a positive mindset and went back to high school two years later. It was quite tough. For a long time everyone shied away from me and made all sorts of ignorant, cruel comments. Gradually things got better and I made great friends.
I still have many challenges like, how will I go to college and how will I cope with life later on. I missed out on many things due to my condition. I saw (and still see) my friends go out, party, go to sporting events and just have fun, all the while I dealt with all sorts of therapies and barely left the house. I still miss out on many things. I’m turning 18 soon and most people my age are having the time of their lives. I can’t join in because having me around slows everything down. I would like to go out sometime, meet new people. Even after making new friends, I never got invited to anything. They’d make plans right in front of me, invite everyone while I just sat there. I don’t admit it but, it does hurt.
I started dating, it was nice. Then the guy dumped me because we weren’t having sex. That sucked a lot! I’m starting to feel like I’ll be alone for the rest of my life because of my condition. I was wondering, will I ever be able to have sex or children? P.S: Thank you so much for putting up this website because now I have a place to talk about all I’ve suppressed for so long.
Graham. your story originally posted on august 29 2009 was inspirational. thanks for sharing the physical and emotional story. I can not relate to your journey as other bloggers can… I am on the flip side, a health care student trying to understand more about the injuries. I study Occupational Therapy in the USA. I write you because I see how well you have done recovering from your injury mentally, emotionally and physically. It takes a truely strong person to do what you have done. I am not certain , in reading your story, are you an incomplete or a complete paralysis? Do you currently have any LE control? Again, I am an OT student and please forgive my niavity… I am not trying to be disrespectful just inquisitive.
Hi Tasha!
My name is Ashley, I have written Graham above regarding my sister in law. She too was in a car accident back in late Feb of this year and is a c4. She is a bit older than you (just 29 in June) but I can see some of your struggles in her as well.
I’m glad you had the stregth to go back to school! That took a lot of courage and stregth so don’t dumb it down!! I bet you did great too!
With regards to friends, if they didn’t stick around they weren’t really good friends anyway… I watched some of my sis in laws friends come and go as well. She has had one really strong supportive friend that comes about 2 or 3 times a week to see her but the rest don’t really come around.
I too asked Graham about sex and children because sis in law was just settling into her new career, just bought a home and was thinking of starting a family. From what I understand, as long as you are still ovulating (or having your monthly visitor) this is possible! He directed me to another post on the site about wheelchair sex, maybe this could help answer more?
You seem like a bright young lady and as you get a bit older I’m sure you’ll notice people coming around more. but then again don’t wait for them! If you know your friends are going out go meet them there! That will let them know you can still go out too without the drama :) Or if you would like to meet new people go out and do it! This way it’s on your terms too and you might find it easier than waiting for others. I know that helped my sis in law a lot. she is currently in rehab and was pleased to meet other people and made an effort to do so… I really think it helped to boost her confidence.
Stay strong and keep your chin up. I hope you find true happiness!
Tasha, what’s your bra size? lol I’m just kidding, I think it’s fantastic you value your body enough to say no I’m not ready for sex when so many teens these days give it out like candy. I read a study in Australia some time ago where 80% of school children reported losing their virginity before the age of 13 and many had had multiple partners. Now you’re a paraplegic you deserve even more someone who respects you, is patient and understanding of your situation and feelings. The older you get the more likely you’ll find these people so don’t feel like life is passing you by, you’re heading for a new found deeper relationship. Keep smiling and it will come.
You can have sex as you would regularly Tasha, following a spinal cord injury vaginal lubrication, ovulation and the likeliness of falling pregnant all remain much as they were prior to injury except for limited to no sensation. Even birthing is quite straight forward given good health. As Ashley suggested (thanks Ashley :) I explain in depth in the wheelchair sex article and agree getting involved with a local wheelchair user community type support group is a good way to meet new like-minded people. They may also know of resources to assist in your transition to college. Emotionally, I too felt undesirable and occasionally I still do, but I’ve come to realize, everyone does. I believe there’s a big difference between having sex and making love. It was many years after my accident before I experienced the latter as I also believe you need to love yourself before you can let anyone else love you. I hope that helps.
I know how it hurts to be left out. Friends say, “Well you can’t go anyway.” I respond, “I know but it would’ve been nice to have just been invited.” Being excluded is a horrible feeling, it’s ok to quietly voice that to people who exclude you, often they don’t even reaize they were. I and others would be interested in reading more about you and your life experiences as a paraplegic Tasha. If you’re willing to express and share I’d love to publish your story here.
Yesmam, thank-you for your kind respectful words. I’m a C4 incomplete quadriplegic and as such have no voluntary lower extremity (LE) function and very little sensation from my nipples down. My legs do however spasm often to a point of great annoyance kicking over 8640 times/day. I can achieve sustainable reflex erections with a little coaxing. I have partial bicep muscles but no triceps, supinator (turn palm up) muscles but no pronator (turn palm down), and no wrist or finger movement or sensation. I am not able to transfer myself using a sliding board or by any other means. I try not to dwell on what I can’t do, rather what I can. I’m a Gemini by the way ;).
Hey Ashley,
It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who’s been in such a situation. I’ve always known there were others like me somewhere but didn’t have concrete evidence. I’ve been to rehab too but everyone there is para, not quad like me. This doesn’t bother me but sometimes I wish I still had the use of my fingers; writing in school was not the easiest thing for me.
Thanks so much for the great advice. I’m gonna put it to the test very soon actually. I’ve decided to throw a party for my 18th birthday in a few weeks :)
The post on wheelchair sex is really helpful.I’ve missed out on so much.I’m happy to now know I don’t have to miss out on so much in life (not to sound like a hedonist).
I may be on the verge of finding true happiness :). A young gentleman showed interest the other day and we’re going on a date on Monday. Wish me luck!
Graham, I’m pretty well endowed up top, somewhere in the “D” neighborhood lol. Oh, and I’m quadriplegic by the way. It’s so good to know there’s someone out there who knows just how I feel. It’s like you’re inside my head! I’ve always known that I’m quite the catch. When my ex and I broke up my self worth really fell. You’re right, I do deserve someone who respects me and when I find him, I’m sure the love making will be incredible! I’m in no rush though.
The article, wheelchair sex, is more helpful than I could’ve imagined. I had so many unanswered questions about sex and didn’t know who to speak to about it. Talking to my folks on the subject would be too weird, and they probably wouldn’t know what to say. Friends would be plain uncomfortable I’m sure.
I would love to share my story, now that someone is willing to listen. Should I post it as a comment or would you like me to do it another way?
Tasha, I sent you an email. Best of luck for Monday! ;)
Hi Tasha,
Glad to hear, gussie yourself up and go get em!
Keep postive and smile, I look forward to reading your story!
Good luck :)
Graham, I’ve just stumbled upon your story while researching quadrapelgia (sp) My boyfriend of 11 yrs was just injured on Monday 7-5 and has a broken neck and severed spinal cord. He has movement of his shoulders and some in his arms but nothing below the chest. I’m afraid, I’m ridden with guilt and I cannot seem to process this. I want to ask so many questions…I’m lost….
Mary
Hi Mary, sorry to hear about your boyfriend. For a quadriplegic to have arm movement so early on is a good sign. It’s common to feel guilt and think of all the “if only” scenarios. Might help to get it out in the open and tell your boyfriend but be ready for any reply from him, good or bad. Then leave regret behind and try not to dwell on it, as it won’t change anything. You guys still have each other and love. Many here have been thru and are going thru what you and your man are. You can ask us anything.
Hi Mary,
I’m a quadriplegic too and what I’d strongly suggest for you is to treat your man as you always have. Be patient with him even when he acts a little like a jerk. He’s still taking in all that’s happened and has as many questions as you do. He is probably as lost as you are too so just hang in there and, as Graham said, you can ask anything.