Ever wonder why a total stranger finds it so easy to tell you their life story. Deepest darkest secrets they’ve never, and probably will never, tell anyone else. It’s anonymity. There is security in knowing you will never see someone again. Most of us carry secrets we would like to share, to get off our chest and be heard, or gauge a reaction to hear an opinion on. Whatever the reason anonymity allows many to drop their inhibitions, and share secret heart felt confessions.
“There are two kinds of secrets, those we keep from others, and those we hide from ourselves.” –Frank Warren
Most experience a life changing event within our lifetime. Triumph or tragedy, the birth of a child or death of a loved one for example. It’s at these times we often take a retrospective look at ourselves and revaluate our worth our ethos and perspectives. Spinal cord injury is without doubt a tumultuous life changing event. While it may sound odd at face value I feel very fortunate in having the insight of that tumultuous experience. People find me easy to talk to and often share with me their most intimate thoughts. In keeping their anonymity I hope these secret confessions of spinal cord injury and wheelchair secrets pictorials convey the heartfelt pure open and honest raw emotion with which they were given.
- I’m surprised how much I miss my legs
- I no longer fear death I fear life
- When we make love I feel selfish
- I like when people stare at me but I hate my own reflection
- I’ve never been kissed it’s not that I don’t want too it’s just nobody else does
- I’m still all woman
Post your secret wheelchair life quotes and secret disability confessions. You can post under an alias name if you like, your anonymity is safe here. If anyone is willing to strip down and send me a clear photo (and what you want written) I’ll add it here as well. I am hoping in one of these ways you will feel comfortable enough to share your secret feelings thoughts and desires.
Life in a wheelchair raises many deep emotional thoughts and feelings regular people never have the benefit of hearing or have to contemplate. Often partners’ friends and lovers of wheelchair users have secret questions and thoughts they don’t feel comfortable asking. You don’t have to be a wheelchair user or disabled. I’d love to hear your secret thoughts and I’m happy to answer any questions I can. A quote from the heart is a very precious treasure, I will so greatly appreciate your responses.
-Graham
Don’t think they’re staring because you’re in a wheelchair. Think they’re staring because you’re so good looking!
(Quote from my physical therapist who really though I was, even though I laughed at the thought, but the MINDSET works!)
I am afraid that I will not find someone to completely love me.
Awsome pics… i do identify with the third one… i always had that feeling when having sex with my ex… i could come… he couldn’t. Not easy for the mind to dismiss such fact. Nice website :)
I’m so glad I found this site, I’ve had a place in my heart for disabled / SCI women for years and years, and the photos here… well, they’re all beautiful, esp. #3. I am a loving, caring, educated, able bodied man.
Mark: I edited your comment. We are not a disability dating website.
I dont understand what he gets from sex when he cant feel it
My fiance is a parapelegic and it is very interesting but fun in the bedroom.
Sex is sex, but when you have love, feelings can run through all parts of the body. And when you have a good open lines of communication foundation, you’ve got it all. First hand, I know this. I dated my fiance in high school before he was paralyzed. I loved him then and I love him more now because he has become the strongest man I know.
my fiance is in a wheelchair……… he makes me stronger…….. he is more independent than i am…. he is the most loving person i know……. and the sex……. wow…..
So when guys look at me when I am with him and I know that they are thinking ” why is she with him?”
it hurts….. deeply….. if they only knew that the chair beneath him has made him so much stronger in ways that we will never understand
I have always been interested in paraplegic women and now at 21, I am disappointed to have never met one my age. I know that there are wheelchair women out there, like the one in the last picture, who feel like nobody wants them because they are disabled and I DO. How can I meet handicapped women my age. Does anyone have any advice of any sort?
Blez, see comment #5 above.
Yeah, I’ve tried those disability dating sites. They are a scam. They let you get started for free then to do anything you need to pay. Thanks for the suggestion though Graham. Thanks, and if you have any other suggestions let me know. Blez
Oh My God, i have been canvassing the internet for about three years and i dont believe i found the answer hear, i have a disabled boyfriend who i would walk to the end of the wold and back for.he is super generous and so comfortable in his skin its amazing! Anyways i have been looking for ways to make sex as pleasurable for him as he makes it for me and every time i ask he says he gets so much pleasure knowing he gives me so much pleasure (blushing) of recent am starting to fell selfish, like am the only one getting all the fun and its starting to put a strain on our relationship, i love him to death and would like to do something for him too, i would like to give him as much pleasure as he does me….. is their anyone out there paralyzed from the chest below with some pointer?
Hi Soft Voice, if you have not already, you may find our wheelchair sex article and comments worth reading. A sexually active quadriplegic myself with no sensation from chest down I have an insight into what your man is saying and it’s encouraging to hear, I thank-you. I commend him for his bravery and selflessness. It’s a very difficult thing for high level quads to let go of that security but OMG when they do buckle up, it’s one hell of a ride.
Letting go of your own inhibitions, hang ups, your – self is equally difficult. I can tell you first hand, the more you genuinely please yourself, the more pleasurable and satisfied your partner will “feel.” So throw your head back and let him know you are pleased, moan and scratch him from shoulder to waist. The more you can convey your pleasure the more satisfied he will be. After all, that’s what it’s all about for most quads, we get off on pleasing our partners.
Depending on his nature a hands on public display of, “I can’t wait to get you home” also goes over well. Quadriplegics are very visual, a wink, a cheeky thrust of your hips from accross a crowded room, will have him thinking. Foreplay becomes more important as men learn what women have known for years, great sex begins in the mind hours before the act.
Stay genuine as quadriplegics can often sense when someone is being fake and they may take it onboard as their own inadequacy. Fake orgasms are a quadriplegics secondary insecurity in sexual intercourse. If a wheelchair sex partner cannot achieve a sustainable erection or female sufficient lubrication, tell them so. Be innovative, give a creative solo show of what turns you on, and how you get your own rocks off. Honesty is quintessential to a long-term relationship with anyone, especially wheelchair users.
Thanks so much Graham, that was very insightful, will look up the article as well. God Bless you.
you soft voice
i’m a T4 para, chest down, and an active lover, to active if you ask my G.F.
my advice to you, enjoy it and don’t be afraid to experiment with the senses. there’s allot more to good sex than feelings of the groin, sight, sound, touch, attitude, desire.. Talk dirty, put on show, use all parts of the body, face, hands, chest, voice, mind. Be open with your lover and he will open up to you and you’ll find a whole new world..
and believe him when he tells you that he enjoys watching you get pleasure, I like to leave the lights on too :)
BLizz here I am ..
There was an amazing programme on Australia’s ABC Radio National which was a story about sex and disabled people. This guy was in his 50s and had a degenerative condition which really had taken a hold over his physical capabilities. The documentary gave first hand accounts of how exceptionally special sex is.
Firstly, I agree with some of the academic literature, and the story I’m referring to – of a ‘disability orientation’. Whilst we may have physical constraints, we seem to be more highly sensitive much more I would argue, than those who do not. Therefore, all these gals who are posting on this site worried they are giving their disabled partners the same pleasure … well consider the ‘disability orientation’ Im talking about… I would argue their sexual experience with you is more than they can describe – in a really good way. So dont feel inadequate!
As for us amazing women, I havent yet read a post by a non-disabled guy with a disabled gal. This rather saddens me. For I think women are more open and sensitive and all those great things, and dont mind ‘imperfections’, yet men seem to prefer the ‘perfect’ woman. Therefore, I am just like some of these amazing women on this post, who are really scared that we may never be loved the way we ideally want to be loved, again.
I am not in a wheelchair, however my wife is. trans-vrs-men lite-is ( sorry i don’t spell to well.) she caught it at 14. she is now 26 and still in a chair. I have read a couple of posts about love. I want all to understand that you are as beautiful as you pose your thoughts to be. think negative and nothing good comes from it. It don’t matter if your in a chair or not. life is life. i meet my wife on yahoo messenger. we dated on line for 2 months be4 we seen each other. dated 2 years married 5 now. don’t be afraid to love. and plz dot think love will not be there. it will be. there is someone for every one. chin up smile and make the most of it.
Sweet JWTAS (would love to know what that stands for, maybe “Just Want Terrific Awesome Sex”?, but I digress),
I thought it interesting that you said “I havent yet read a post by a non-disabled guy with a disabled gal.” You have read Biohazard’s post that appears immediately after yours, right? I love irony… Yes, from what I see most posts involve “able girl/disabled guy” relationships. But that is only because girls are smarter than we are and more likely to see people as they really are. Yes, guys tend to get hung-up on appearance and think that the Barbie Doll fantasy is reality. (Maybe I should apologize for my gender here – yeah, we can be slow but with patience, perseverance and love we are often trainable…) I’m not much for cliches like “Remember there is always somebody for everybody out there”. Speaking just for myself, it’s too cutesy and way too patronizing. But I hope you don’t just write all us guys off. Ok, ok, I know many of us should be but you don’t want to “share your gene pool” (now how is that for a subtle euphemism? I just made it up and I’m kinda proud of it) with those guys anyway. Don’t lower your standards. For what it’s worth, my experience is that having good friends of any gender beats a lousy relationship every time. [Hope you find something in here helpful - if not, just remember that after all it was written by a guy...]
Well, this is about sharing secret wheelchair thoughts after all. I think differently on some things. Firstly I think women care more about looks than men, especially when it comes to self body image. And my logical mind says, we see more girls with wheelchair guys because the majority of wheelchair users are men. Yet look at our gallery, 1500 beautiful wheelchair girls vs 100 wheelchair men.
It’s no secret I know hundreds, possibly thousands of wheelchair users. Many of the women are drop dead gorgeous, and most of them have able bodied boyfriends. My colleagues and friends pre/post wheelchair have always been majority male. We go to bars, fishing, motor and other sports events. Typically men frequent these places in larger numbers than women. On the other hand I went to a Bon Jovi concert and OMG, I was just about the only guy there (it was awesome lol).
Clearly, there are many dynamics involved in what we see around us, including our attitude. I totally agree with JWTAS ‘disability orientation’ theory. And I dare say the reason Biohazard has a great woman in a wheelchair is because of his positive attitude, to smile and make the most of it.
PS. We are still accepting photos with your secret wheelchair thoughts.
For JWTAS /
I have been searching unsuccessfully for information on the concept “disability orientation” you mention. Help would be appreciated. //
For Graham /
I am struck by your statement that women care more about looks than men while I suggest that the reverse is true. I base my belief largely on my personal experience – from the very first moment we met, my attractive, intelligent wife was unfazed by my awkward body. I only need glance in a mirror to confirm that she didn’t marry me for my movie star good looks.
Yes, I greatly enjoy perusing the gallery. As I once commented, whether she be walking or wheeled, a babe is a babe is a babe. In many photos it is obvious that the woman is deliberately using her wheelchair as a means of showing how comfortable she is with herself and to emphasize her beauty and allure. Now THAT is sexy.
For any woman /
I offer this suggestion – If you are a woman who believes that others find you unattractive solely because you are using a wheelchair, hook up with a friend with a camera and ask them to take some provocative or outright sexy photos of you. Relax, drop the inhibitions, have fun. Use the gallery photos as examples if you’re not sure how to start. (It would probably be more fun if the photographer is a guy.- just a thought.) Didn’t know you looked that good, did you? And please don’t forget to send the photos to Graham to add to the gallery.
For Graham /
I mentioned your Bon Jovi comment to my son. He is presently checking out their tour dates and trying to dig up the money for tickets…
lmfao@WW, I dated a smokin’ hot nurse for ten years. She bought tickets to Bon Jovi with a bunch of nursing friends only to wind up in hospital with appendicitis. I took her nurse friends, who were sexy as, and they played up on me big time. This was pre wheelchair life when I was a super fit, tanned, blonde haired surfer. It was funny to see the reactions to having four sexy babes hanging off of me. I felt like Bon, if only for a moment. I still have some Bon Jovi on my playlist and smile when it kicks in. Tell your son it helps to look like Bon Jovi, guess that lends to my women more asthetic findings.
Where is your photo and secret wheelchair thoughts WW?
Well to JWTAS I’m another able bodied male who dated, married and started a family with a paraplegic. I can say with all certainty that looks did first attract me to her but after I found out she was a para ( yes I really didnt know although i did think it strange she always sat in her car) i would say that her personality and willing to over come what most able bodied people would think impossible. We have been together for 7 yrs and married for 5. And at times I wish I could have half her strenght. And I honestly can say that I never saw her as “the girl in the wheelchair” I saw her for her exceptional beauty and her strenghts. And the sex WOW it is by far and without a doubt the best that I have ever had. I also will go as far to say that it is the most honest sex that i have ever had mainly because she cant fake the muscle contractions of an orgasm.
Hey all. Just checking out this part of the site. I had my son 22 years ago and raised him alone. I started having MS symptoms 6 months after he was born and due to unforseen incidents and lack of knowledge, I have been wheelchaair bound since December 2008. I have not been meeting any “normal” men. I like people and enjoy talking with them but somehow the only ones interested are: (I haven’t had sex with my wife in 15 years and am looking for someone to hsve sex with on a regular basis)(I’m bipolar, suffer from depression and don’t like taking my meds all the time, don’t have a car or a job and am on disability because I have a bad ankle from a fall of a roof) (went on 3 dates with a guy, lots of e-mails and phone calls and never even got a kiss on the cheek.
I like people but at this point in my life, I would really enjoy the male companionship, i.e. dates, hugs, kisses and maybe even more but not marriage ot living together at this time.
Too independent after all these years and don’t want to give that up. I don’t need a man to be happy but would enjoy some of the perks. Everyone I know has someone who cares, male or female, and I feel left out. Most of that because wheelchair accessibility is a big issue.
I don’t want to always be the driver and haven’t been able to meet any interested or interesting single men. Don’t want to do the on-line dating thing either.
Oh well, just needed to vent today. Tired and wish i had a man to be around or available sometimes.
photo #3
I feel like he works so hard to pleasure me, but there’s nothing I can do to make HIM feel good. It’s been two years together and every time we’re intimate, I can’t help but feel inadequate because there’s nothing, it seems, I can do for him.
I have had the pleasure of being both recipient and giver, once able bodied now a quadriplegic. I understand the weight of what you are saying Maria, the unchangeable burden. I find the more you love someone the more you want to give. Nothing makes me happier than pleasing the woman I love. It is it’s own reward. It is not about me, the more pleasure I give to her, the more accomplised a lover I feel. That is to say, the more she enjoys sex, the more I enjoy sex, so indulge your passions.
@Maria- my man is a high para with a complete injury and technically can’t feel below the waist but there are so many ways that he does experience sex that it blows my mind. Men are more than just their penis, contrary to popular belief. I’m sure your man enjoys more things about you than he can describe. To say that you can’t pleasure him or that it is “work” for him to please you sounds like you might be in a rut or don’t feel sexy and confident in your womanhood at the moment. Many women feel bad if they can’t get the man to climax but this situation is substantially different because you can’t trust the penis as a telltale sign of arousal. Guess what? You have to take his word for it. If he says he enjoys it, believe him! Let him enjoy sex in his own way and you in yours. Your guilt will only remind him of his challenge instead of celebrating the closeness you do share. A person doesnt always need to climax to enjoy sex. There are cerebral elements to enjoy. The two of you can figure out ways to be creative. Enjoy all five senses to the best of your abilities! Scrap the guilt. Indulge.
This is off topic (I apologize). I do not have a spinal cord injury; a few months ago, I started doing research for a short story I want to write with a female protagonist who has a complete T10 spinal cord injury. After reading 5 textbooks on the subject, roaming the internet, and finding places like this, I just have to say, I have been inspired by all of you. You simply amaze me.
I love haveing sex i am a c4 the pill is the best thing n the word so if u dont have thim git thim
Jerry what pill are u talking about i would love to know
My partner has a quote and I love it: The two heads are joined… He gets enormous pleasure from giving me pleasure, and my god he knows how to give it, and until we got together, about 10 months ago, having known each other since before his injury 12 years ago, he hadn’t had penetrative sex with anyone, I am the first, and that makes me feel damn special!
The only perfect woman is the one that will love you as much as you love her. As far as being hung up on looks goes, thats crap, personality and attitude wins every time in the long run. There is an old saying in these parts (N.E. Texas) that “easy on the eyes” can be damn hard on the ears
I have fallen deeply in love with an amazing man. I worried at first about how I was going to please him sexually and did feel guilty when we made love, but we are having so much fun experimenting with different things and have experienced many “firsts” together. Each time we discover something new that we both enjoy it brings us much closer together. I wouldn’t change one thing about him and we have many more exciting new experiences ahead of us and I can’t wait.
i have been in a wheelchair for about 8 months i got shot in Afghanistan and barley made it and to be honest a lot of the time i wish i had right after i got back in the states my girl friend of 4 years broke up with me she says it had nothing to do with my injures but i am not completely sure she is telling the truth i have asked women out with no luck and it sometimes i think that i dont know anyone alts in a wheelchair and websites like this have really help me out im 23 years old t10 complete and im scared that no women is going to give me a chance and im even more scared that is they do their that i wont be able to please her i have had sex before but not sets my injury and its like being a virgin all over again im just venting
Lucke, I have been in a wheelchair for two years now, and always being looked at as a crip. No one is interested in me, even though I cam still function. I am gay and my life just sux’s. I wished I could meet someone who doesn’t see me as a disability, but as a gay man who has needs, feelings and fantasias. Hope all goes well with you, and we can stay in touch. PEACE!!!
im a quad soon to be 20 years like this from a gun shot to the neck leaving me a c4 c5 i just had turn 19 when my accident happened im now 38 i was married for 18 years n she left me 3 1/2 ago. i always had a bit of sensation all over my body including my penis so i always enjoyed sex the problem is that i wasnt able to maintain an erection and she didnt like recieving oral sex until the last 3 month that we were together she wanted to try it n she loved it but by then we were having to much things going on to save the marriage. anyways seens then i been working out n im gainning muscle n moving more then before so they want to move me from c4 c5 to c5 c6 and well im doing research to finding ways for us quads n paras to have sex in other positions n better then just a dead f if u know what i mean anyways i have a few ideas n i’m working on a facebook pg were we could come together chat meet n share what works n dnt work for us… u see i have all these ideas n no one to try them with n i am dating but for now its a long distance thing.
I dont know if this count’s but I’ve known my quad friend (c6-7 incomplete) for 20 years and am wondering if I should say I just want to climb in your chair, cuddle, and take it from there…
He’s nervous and hasn’t seen anyone in years.. I see him- not the chair. The guy who makes me laugh, who I can share anything with and he can share back.. so I’m thinking of just saying it… I’m scared of his rejection but what do we have to lose? We will never lose our friendship. Would approaching him scare him off? Sorry, I’m rambling…
Amanda, it’s hard to say. I have seen both outcomes but usually it does work out and at least you will know where you stand. When it comes to relationships wheelchair users tend to take things slowly. Tell him how you feel and give him space to think about it. If he doesn’t sweep you off your feet I’m sure there’s plenty of other guys who would love to have you in their lap.
I really want to be a paraplegic. Completely paralysed from my waist down. No movement or sensation at all.
Well, after the debacle of asking my frient out my new fantasy is simple- give me a chance, try me
My boyfriend is a paraplegic he had a motorcycle accident almost a year ago and I strongly dislike when people assume we can’t be intimate when i never question that myself I see him for him not in what he is in, I love him for who he is. He is 22 I am 20 a question I get asked frequently is if I see a future with him and the truth is I don’t see no other future that’s not with him. My family is supportive for the most part and he is one of the strongest people I know I’m thankful he is alive and that I’m part of his life. This past year hasn’t been easy for anyone but it has definitely made us stronger. I can relate with one of the pictures above “When we make love,I feel selfish” I most definitely do but when you’re in love with a person no matter what the situation is you enjoy being with them and I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else that isn’t him. I try to understand him because his too self-conscious in if he satisfied me or not but I try to assure him that he does and he sure does. I’m glad I found this website it really helps a lot Thank you!
Hello! I am 45yr old black female who has just been seduced by the sexiest black 47yr old male who is a parapalegic. I must admit that I have watched him from a distance for the past 5 years as I was in a relationship at that time. But now I am ready to be wooed by a grown ass man and this is just the tip for me. See he really doesn’t know how terrified I am of starting any kind of intimate frienship and yet at the SAME time I am so excitied it is just pitiful! For him to have lived with this for almost 30 years is a testament to his courage so I am going in for the looooooong haul people and I appreciate any and all GOOD advice. I haven’t felt this way for someone in my life and never with a parapalegic. God Bless to all!!
Hi, i am paraplegic t12. i find this site very inspiring. love to read all the comments. I have a fiance. an able body very beautiful. we gonna marry in November.. To tell u my story, it started during my 2nd year of being paraplegic, that time i went to rehab and she was my therapist. I dont make any move, she did it herself all the way. i believe its no harm if there’s is an able bodied who trying to express his/her feeling towards para/quad because of what happened for me was like a magic and bless from the god.
Hi guys, Ive been seeing a t5/6 complete paraplegic guy now for 14 months we are really good freinds and see each other every day. I love him to death but we have a problem he suffers from having no emtional feelings for women any more and its eating us up, its not just a physical thing we would love to be in a relationship but he feel nothing can anyone tell me if they have had this experience before he became paraplegic about 18mths ago and theres not much info out there I am a registered nurse so am well informed but am finding this really difficult. Im hoping it will change with time and reduction of pain meds which should happen soon due to intrathecal baclofen and morphine
hi Sue
Im 56 now . i had my accident when i was 20 . there was a girl in my life but i pushed her away because of the feeling of being worthless to anybody . and because i loved her I didnt want to burden her with me. I prefered her to go out and get a ‘normal ‘ guy.
Your friend is in the stage now where he doesnt know if he’s comin or going . he must find himself and reastablish his new identity before he can get into a romantic relationship. I was there so you can believe me.
Hopefully he will see the light soon . Stay positive and dont be to overbearing . At this stage he prefers to be alone more , i think .
You must try and have discussions around this topic.
If not he will regret not accepting your love , or at least giving it a try, for the rest of his life .
Im not saying i know everything but 36 years in the chair gives one better insight . So you keep in mind what i’ve said . it might help you understand him better.
If you want to ask me anything Im always here. Not working anymore.
Elvin
love and good luck to both of you
ps. I made new contact with the girl i mentioned just a month ago after her abusive husband died and now we are picking up wher we left off 36 years ago . How lucky can a guy be ?
Hi Elvin! You expressed in your words to Sue exactly what I did in many of my relationships. I wanted those I had relationships with to…so called ‘go free and date a person not using a chair.’ Sure, I’ve had my share of experiences, but I found myself putting a time limit on relationships. Then there were the instances when it was fairly easy getting a partner, but keeping them was the issue. I had my accident too about the same amount of years ago like you! Nice to see your post! And to Sue…..hope all goes well for you! Chris
hello Chris .
Thanks for responding. Yes man , life in a wheelchair is not as straightforward as some people want to make it out to be. Especialy when it comes to relationships .
Im laughing at you now for those who didnt want to stay ,sorry man but it did come over a little humorous.
Im hesitant to say this but ive found that the less gifted minds , if you follow what im saying , find it easier to just jump in where angels fear to tread .
Others, like you and I have the drawback that we think to much re. Paul Simon.
In any case ,Keep well and wish me luck with my new love.
cheers
elvin
Hi Alvino & Chris thanks for the comments it has helped a lot. I try to understand how difficult it must be to pick up parts of your life after such a trauma but its not east. Mick and I talk alot about how he feels and survives his new life. I suppose I find it even more a challenge because I’ve only ever known him since hes been in his chair and just think of it as part of him where he is still adjusting to it. And yes chris we’ve been down the path of him trying to get me to go out with so called normal men but thats not what I want and I wont let him palm me off cause he thinks he’s not hood enuf for me. As I said before I love him to death. Alvino I think your probably right he needs time to adjust I have encouraged him to get out with his mates which he has started doing in the last couple of weeks which I think is great I can but hope things get better with time cause im not going any where even if we just remain life time friends. Oh Alvino im so pleased to hear you’ve met up with this girl good luck. Cheers sue
Sorry Elvino for the error with your name my phone is crappy lol
“I feel like such a burden to my loved ones”
Jaco dont feel like your a burden the people around you still love you for who you are. i am a able bodied person who met a guy in a chair about 18mths ago and i feel no different towards him than I would any other man its the person that counts not the disability I prefer to look at the ability. I agther your also in a chair how long has it been ? tell us a bit more about yourself. My friend and I deal with things day by day and still have new things cropping up all the time to challenge us but thats how we look at it as a challenge. Looking forward to hearing from you Sue
Hi Sue… Been in a chair for 10 years now. I was involved in a car accident in 2002, where I was flung from the back seat when the car veered of the road. I ended up an incomplete C4-C7 Quadriplegic. I’ve handled it well over the years, but I’m quite arrogant when it comes to allowing people to help me. It’s made me very independant but I can’t help still feeling like a burden to family,friends, and significant others (which has been hard to keep). I’m 29 and turning 30 next year…
Jaco – Hard for me to articulate this because I don’t really have it down myself. But sometimes letting people lend me an assist makes them feel better, valuable – they can’t fix me, but they can make at least some small (and sometimes not so small) contribution to my quality of life and they find that rewarding. I mention this only because you used the word “arrogant” and I’m not quite sure what you mean. Keeping personal independence as much as possible is, IMO, critical. But the level of independence is going to vary depending on each person’s circumstances. Last thing I want is to be smothered. But I try not to push people away who are just trying to lend a hand. Maybe chill just a bit with the “burden” thing? Sometimes it can really get in the way of relationships. Just my two cents worth.
I think you guys need to let people know what you like to be helped with and what you dont its not arrogant at all not to want people to do things for you but it is very hard to know as the person helping if you are doing the right thing or not. I ask my friend constantly to tell me if i do things he doesnt like which so far has been nothing lol. I try to let him be independant and encourage him to do his own thing the way he likes it. He has alot of pain so appreicates my help with bowl care, showering, ect. but I wouldnt be upset if he told me he wanted to do it himself I would be pleased he had reached a point where he was well enough to do it. I try very hard not to smother him but it can be hard when you love someone to stand by and see them struggle. I am finding I get pushed away with relationship stuff at the moment not the helping as my friend still hasnt sorted himself out he is very comfortable with my company but thats about it, hopefully time might change this but im begining to wander if it will ever happen or he will remain a man with no feeling or emotions. It is very hard to take at times and very frustrating when someone is willing to take all you can give but give nothing in return.
As a T-10 complete, 26 years post injury, My quote would be, “I feel like much of living isn’t meant for me.”
I am able bodied and have a secret crush on my paraplegic friend, but I am afraid to let it out because I think they not attracted to me physically
When we make love I feel selfish ……….. :(
So true in so many ways . It has taken me a long tome to realise that the old saying is really true
…………….. “ It ant what you do , it’s the way that you do it “ ………………………….
I had to learn to be visual , be tactile , be vocal , to be adventitious , uninhibited , to be touched and caressed and pushed to higher limits , to be open and honest , to ask and to cry .
Yes I feel selfish …simply because I am . I relish his touch , the playfulness , the power he has over me when he teases and explores as he teaches me how to be free with him and for him .But I also know that now I am giving back because I wanted to learn how to please him too . Even if I can never give him all the pleasures he gives me I think I’ll always be selfish enough to want it him to teach me more………
…………..Yes I am selfish ……………. :)
Hopeful,
I know the possibility of rejection is so hard to face, but find some way to let your crush know. You’ll regret it if you never find out, and he may surprise you. I’m hoping that I’m your crush :)
Hopeful ,
Take a chance , nothing ventured nothing gained . As you have said , you fancy him and he is a friend , aren’t they the first requirements in any new relationship ? Be brave and dare to go after what you want :)
Hi guys, I am finding this conversation very interesting I am still hanging in there, the man of my dreams is still finding it hard adjusting and his pain is still terrible. I continue to stand by him and do what i can to make life easier for him. I cant say Ive been rejected we are just not moving forward. we remain close friends and see alot of each other and text each other all the time, but I have started spending more time away not cause i want to cause i feel i should give him more space and time to get to know himself better. It is very frustrating at times loving someone so much that maintains they have no feelings but wish they did he finds it difficult to explain and i find it difficult to understand. Is it pain and drug related or is it something hes going to have to live with i do not know. we are only weeks off having morphine mixed with his baclofen through his pump so hopefully he can get off some oral opiods and we might be able to see some difference. This guy knows exaclty how i feel about him and it makes us both sad that were not ging forward. cheers sue
I came across the website and find all the info. Very useful. I have been seeing my boyfriend who is a T10 for more than a yr. And can’t get him to believe that I want to be with only him. He tells me he has trust issues which I am trying my hardest to be understanding, but still feel like am on the backburner. I truly feel I am in love with him, he tells me things like that what you say now will see later. He doesn’t realize how he makes me feel like he doesn’t want to acknowledge my feeling for him. I was in a long relationship prior to him so I understand his feeling as if he’s just the rebound guy, but the truth is I left my past relationship to be with him. Now he feels like I need to explore other options. I remind him that I don’t need to be with a hundred different men to know who I really want to stay with, it took less than 10 dates and even a couple casual introduction to know he’s the one for me. Now how can I get him to believe me, other than just being patient. It’s been more than a year and still counting. I hate him telling me we’ll give it time we’ll see or he like how things are now why mess with? Am trying not to give up because I love him but am starting to feel like am inadequate, i must not be worth fighting for. Which makes me feel even more horrible. Am complete lost and confused don’t know what to do or how to repond??
Well first off there men ( sorry guys :D ) , They don’t make life easy at all . But that said being hurt and being scared off being hurt is a natural reaction . It takes time to rebuild that bridge even if it is with someone new .His fears are real , give him the time to deal with them , You know how you feel about him , isn’t that what manners for now , show him how you feel , and keep showing him ,In time he will see it for himself , then you will get the ” i am such a fool ” speech . He dose want you , he dose not know how to say it or show it with out feeling venerable right now . He will in time . Love is hard work , this is the start off it , it dose not get easier it gets stronger with work and understanding .Don’t push the boat away , let it float towards you .
Keep your heart open and wait :)
I would :)
I feel attracted by paraplegic men.
Iris
Being human has many flaws, many show their flaws easily, some hide them……………………………………………………………
The question as to why women tend to show their flaws is so the attracted male makes the move 1st thus giving the female the upper hand for control lol…………………………………………………………….
Diamond
If he doesn’t believe you personally then show him your write up on here that may help him change his mind…………………………………
Sue
Hang in there it will all come together soon……………………….
Wheelchair life isn’t about being disabled at all, we are all challenged in life so grab a hold of the ride and ride it out, its what your willing put in, in order to get out sex can be fun too………………………
I feel like i don’t have a body below my shoulders when i am with people…
As there is where all hugs stop…
Ordinary people are body to body when they hug. I have experienced such feelings, when a friend comes down to her knees between my legs, and approach to my body. Then I am also the most flexible, as i am sitting and can use my arms and my head freely, which i cannot laying down.
But how many people are there to ask to come between one’s legs?
Even with common “shoulder hugs”, I can’t “just come up to have one” as i see many do these days. I always have to ask. Then it is more risky also to be denied…
In this, i really hate my body… I am a paraplegic, with some functions working with my arms…
i am Siddharth 18, i am suffering from complete L1 paraplegia from 2 years and wanted to ask that ,can a para men have sex with para women .
when i was normal girls used to die on me but now they don’t even talk to me because i am paralysed . what should i do
I’m an able bodied woman, 28 years old and single. And I can honestly say that wheelchairs don’t bother me at all! Like seriously at all!!! I recently met a guy that I find sooooo attractive! He uses a wheelchair and flat out asked me if it bothered me, I didn’t even have to think about my response, hell NO it doesn’t bother me!!! All I can see is him. He’s so alive, he’s so much fun, he’s beautiful! The wheelchair is not an issue to deal with, it’s just a fact that I don’t give a rats about! I don’t have any great conclusion, not yet, I’m on a wonderful journey with this man. I’m so excited about where it might lead!!!
Okay someone please help and respond to me! I know what it’s like living with a person who has a disability. My boyfriend has had 7 back operations and is prescribed all sorts of medications. However he doesn’t take them and only fills them for the purpose of wcb knowing. I don’t know anymore! I love him and he is a good person but can people fake this illness. He says docs want him to have one more surgery, which would be number 8. And he said they say he will end up possibly in a wheelchair. He has metal discs in his back but works out only at home in a garage because he is afraid to be caught anywhere on camera due to his case. I respect people with spinal injuries but I can’t tell if it something that can get better. Can a person be retrained to work? He is driving my car and living off me for free and I don’t want to be shallow but I watch him fake a limp anytime in public!? Help! I want to understand truly if disability is all there is after these injuries? Ps I have been going through this for 4 years. And asides from money he acts capable, walks, drives, hikes and etc. is the pain to much to work?
Krista,
you bring up several points which are red flags to me. First of all, I must say I am not a doctor and cannot say specifically about your case without seeing the reports. That being said, I was a medical case manager in the field of work related injuries for 22 years so I’ve seen both sides of the coin. Legitimate injuries of all sorts have people returning to work in new capacities and there is retraining (as humans are adaptive by nature). I’ve also seen and those who have less extent of disability never return to work. It depends on each individual. If you have concerns regarding his extent of disability and the activities he is participating in, make a referral to the agency who is supplying the benefit.
After so many surgeries I’m assuming there are residual effects yet we all have pain be it physical, emotional, or both. There are jobs to be had which allow flex schedules, changing of position etc etc so I’m certain he can work at something.. where there’s a will there is a way.
im 24 and im t3 chest down, ive been for a year now and before i was injured I could get females easily but now they wont even look my way is it because of the chair?
Krista, get out of that situation before you are having to pay back disability claims for knowing!
I am 35 and I’ve had a spinal cord injury for 25 years. Other than being with a few prostitutes I really have a hard time meeting women. I never had a girl friend because of my injury and they all have told me that is the reason why they aren’t interested in me. I found relationships with other women with disabilities, but nothing promising. do to the erectile dysfunction that I suffer from and all the pressure that women put me through to have an erection witch is not right. I am now transitioning to become a woman, and why not. I figured that I could be my own best girl friend. So today I am a transsexual.