Comments on: Quadriplegia – A View From The Chair http://www.streetsie.com/quadriplegia/ Where there's a wheel there's a way Mon, 26 Jul 2010 04:18:43 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Tasha http://www.streetsie.com/quadriplegia/comment-page-1/#comment-3689 Tasha Tue, 20 Jul 2010 14:59:48 +0000 http://www.streetsie.com/wp-msc/?p=9#comment-3689 Hi Mary, I'm a quadriplegic too and what I'd strongly suggest for you is to treat your man as you always have. Be patient with him even when he acts a little like a jerk. He's still taking in all that's happened and has as many questions as you do. He is probably as lost as you are too so just hang in there and, as Graham said, you can ask anything. Hi Mary,
I’m a quadriplegic too and what I’d strongly suggest for you is to treat your man as you always have. Be patient with him even when he acts a little like a jerk. He’s still taking in all that’s happened and has as many questions as you do. He is probably as lost as you are too so just hang in there and, as Graham said, you can ask anything.

]]> By: Graham http://www.streetsie.com/quadriplegia/comment-page-1/#comment-3664 Graham Sat, 10 Jul 2010 12:50:49 +0000 http://www.streetsie.com/wp-msc/?p=9#comment-3664 Hi Mary, sorry to hear about your boyfriend. For a quadriplegic to have arm movement so early on is a good sign. It's common to feel guilt and think of all the "if only" scenarios. Might help to get it out in the open and tell your boyfriend but be ready for any reply from him, good or bad. Then leave regret behind and try not to dwell on it, as it won't change anything. You guys still have each other and love. Many here have been thru and are going thru what you and your man are. You can ask us anything. Hi Mary, sorry to hear about your boyfriend. For a quadriplegic to have arm movement so early on is a good sign. It’s common to feel guilt and think of all the “if only” scenarios. Might help to get it out in the open and tell your boyfriend but be ready for any reply from him, good or bad. Then leave regret behind and try not to dwell on it, as it won’t change anything. You guys still have each other and love. Many here have been thru and are going thru what you and your man are. You can ask us anything.

]]> By: Mary Salazar http://www.streetsie.com/quadriplegia/comment-page-1/#comment-3660 Mary Salazar Wed, 07 Jul 2010 16:51:28 +0000 http://www.streetsie.com/wp-msc/?p=9#comment-3660 Graham, I've just stumbled upon your story while researching quadrapelgia (sp) My boyfriend of 11 yrs was just injured on Monday 7-5 and has a broken neck and severed spinal cord. He has movement of his shoulders and some in his arms but nothing below the chest. I'm afraid, I'm ridden with guilt and I cannot seem to process this. I want to ask so many questions...I'm lost.... Mary Graham, I’ve just stumbled upon your story while researching quadrapelgia (sp) My boyfriend of 11 yrs was just injured on Monday 7-5 and has a broken neck and severed spinal cord. He has movement of his shoulders and some in his arms but nothing below the chest. I’m afraid, I’m ridden with guilt and I cannot seem to process this. I want to ask so many questions…I’m lost….

Mary

]]> By: Ashley http://www.streetsie.com/quadriplegia/comment-page-1/#comment-3654 Ashley Mon, 05 Jul 2010 14:37:26 +0000 http://www.streetsie.com/wp-msc/?p=9#comment-3654 Hi Tasha, Glad to hear, gussie yourself up and go get em! Keep postive and smile, I look forward to reading your story! Good luck :) Hi Tasha,

Glad to hear, gussie yourself up and go get em!

Keep postive and smile, I look forward to reading your story!

Good luck :)

]]> By: Graham http://www.streetsie.com/quadriplegia/comment-page-1/#comment-3649 Graham Sun, 04 Jul 2010 00:58:34 +0000 http://www.streetsie.com/wp-msc/?p=9#comment-3649 Tasha, I sent you an email. Best of luck for Monday! ;) Tasha, I sent you an email. Best of luck for Monday! ;)

]]> By: Tasha http://www.streetsie.com/quadriplegia/comment-page-1/#comment-3648 Tasha Sat, 03 Jul 2010 09:55:04 +0000 http://www.streetsie.com/wp-msc/?p=9#comment-3648 Graham, I'm pretty well endowed up top, somewhere in the "D" neighborhood lol. Oh, and I'm quadriplegic by the way. It's so good to know there's someone out there who knows just how I feel. It's like you're inside my head! I've always known that I'm quite the catch. When my ex and I broke up my self worth really fell. You're right, I do deserve someone who respects me and when I find him, I'm sure the love making will be incredible! I'm in no rush though. The article, wheelchair sex, is more helpful than I could've imagined. I had so many unanswered questions about sex and didn't know who to speak to about it. Talking to my folks on the subject would be too weird, and they probably wouldn't know what to say. Friends would be plain uncomfortable I'm sure. I would love to share my story, now that someone is willing to listen. Should I post it as a comment or would you like me to do it another way? Graham, I’m pretty well endowed up top, somewhere in the “D” neighborhood lol. Oh, and I’m quadriplegic by the way. It’s so good to know there’s someone out there who knows just how I feel. It’s like you’re inside my head! I’ve always known that I’m quite the catch. When my ex and I broke up my self worth really fell. You’re right, I do deserve someone who respects me and when I find him, I’m sure the love making will be incredible! I’m in no rush though.

The article, wheelchair sex, is more helpful than I could’ve imagined. I had so many unanswered questions about sex and didn’t know who to speak to about it. Talking to my folks on the subject would be too weird, and they probably wouldn’t know what to say. Friends would be plain uncomfortable I’m sure.

I would love to share my story, now that someone is willing to listen. Should I post it as a comment or would you like me to do it another way?

]]> By: Tasha http://www.streetsie.com/quadriplegia/comment-page-1/#comment-3647 Tasha Sat, 03 Jul 2010 06:37:16 +0000 http://www.streetsie.com/wp-msc/?p=9#comment-3647 Hey Ashley, It's good to know that I'm not the only one who's been in such a situation. I've always known there were others like me somewhere but didn't have concrete evidence. I've been to rehab too but everyone there is para, not quad like me. This doesn't bother me but sometimes I wish I still had the use of my fingers; writing in school was not the easiest thing for me. Thanks so much for the great advice. I'm gonna put it to the test very soon actually. I've decided to throw a party for my 18th birthday in a few weeks :) The post on wheelchair sex is really helpful.I've missed out on so much.I'm happy to now know I don't have to miss out on so much in life (not to sound like a hedonist). I may be on the verge of finding true happiness :). A young gentleman showed interest the other day and we're going on a date on Monday. Wish me luck! Hey Ashley,
It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who’s been in such a situation. I’ve always known there were others like me somewhere but didn’t have concrete evidence. I’ve been to rehab too but everyone there is para, not quad like me. This doesn’t bother me but sometimes I wish I still had the use of my fingers; writing in school was not the easiest thing for me.
Thanks so much for the great advice. I’m gonna put it to the test very soon actually. I’ve decided to throw a party for my 18th birthday in a few weeks :)
The post on wheelchair sex is really helpful.I’ve missed out on so much.I’m happy to now know I don’t have to miss out on so much in life (not to sound like a hedonist).
I may be on the verge of finding true happiness :). A young gentleman showed interest the other day and we’re going on a date on Monday. Wish me luck!

]]> By: Graham http://www.streetsie.com/quadriplegia/comment-page-1/#comment-3646 Graham Sat, 03 Jul 2010 05:54:57 +0000 http://www.streetsie.com/wp-msc/?p=9#comment-3646 Tasha, what's your bra size? lol I'm just kidding, I think it's fantastic you value your body enough to say no I'm not ready for sex when so many teens these days give it out like candy. I read a study in Australia some time ago where 80% of school children reported losing their virginity before the age of 13 and many had had multiple partners. Now you're a paraplegic you deserve even more someone who respects you, is patient and understanding of your situation and feelings. The older you get the more likely you’ll find these people so don't feel like life is passing you by, you're heading for a new found deeper relationship. Keep smiling and it will come. You can have sex as you would regularly Tasha, following a spinal cord injury vaginal lubrication, ovulation and the likeliness of falling pregnant all remain much as they were prior to injury except for limited to no sensation. Even birthing is quite straight forward given good health. As Ashley suggested (thanks Ashley :) I explain in depth in the <a href="http://www.streetsie.com/spinal-injury-wheelchair-sex/" rel="nofollow">wheelchair sex</a> article and agree getting involved with a local wheelchair user community type support group is a good way to meet new like-minded people. They may also know of resources to assist in your transition to college. Emotionally, I too felt undesirable and occasionally I still do, but I've come to realize, everyone does. I believe there's a big difference between having sex and making love. It was many years after my accident before I experienced the latter as I also believe you need to love yourself before you can let anyone else love you. I hope that helps. I know how it hurts to be left out. Friends say, "Well you can't go anyway." I respond, "I know but it would've been nice to have just been invited." Being excluded is a horrible feeling, it's ok to quietly voice that to people who exclude you, often they don't even reaize they were. I and others would be interested in reading more about you and your life experiences as a paraplegic Tasha. If you're willing to express and share I'd love to publish your story here. Yesmam, thank-you for your kind respectful words. I’m a C4 incomplete quadriplegic and as such have no voluntary lower extremity (LE) function and very little sensation from my nipples down. My legs do however spasm often to a point of great annoyance kicking over 8640 times/day. I can achieve sustainable reflex erections with a little coaxing. I have partial bicep muscles but no triceps, supinator (turn palm up) muscles but no pronator (turn palm down), and no wrist or finger movement or sensation. I am not able to transfer myself using a sliding board or by any other means. I try not to dwell on what I can’t do, rather what I can. I’m a Gemini by the way ;). Tasha, what’s your bra size? lol I’m just kidding, I think it’s fantastic you value your body enough to say no I’m not ready for sex when so many teens these days give it out like candy. I read a study in Australia some time ago where 80% of school children reported losing their virginity before the age of 13 and many had had multiple partners. Now you’re a paraplegic you deserve even more someone who respects you, is patient and understanding of your situation and feelings. The older you get the more likely you’ll find these people so don’t feel like life is passing you by, you’re heading for a new found deeper relationship. Keep smiling and it will come.

You can have sex as you would regularly Tasha, following a spinal cord injury vaginal lubrication, ovulation and the likeliness of falling pregnant all remain much as they were prior to injury except for limited to no sensation. Even birthing is quite straight forward given good health. As Ashley suggested (thanks Ashley :) I explain in depth in the wheelchair sex article and agree getting involved with a local wheelchair user community type support group is a good way to meet new like-minded people. They may also know of resources to assist in your transition to college. Emotionally, I too felt undesirable and occasionally I still do, but I’ve come to realize, everyone does. I believe there’s a big difference between having sex and making love. It was many years after my accident before I experienced the latter as I also believe you need to love yourself before you can let anyone else love you. I hope that helps.

I know how it hurts to be left out. Friends say, “Well you can’t go anyway.” I respond, “I know but it would’ve been nice to have just been invited.” Being excluded is a horrible feeling, it’s ok to quietly voice that to people who exclude you, often they don’t even reaize they were. I and others would be interested in reading more about you and your life experiences as a paraplegic Tasha. If you’re willing to express and share I’d love to publish your story here.

Yesmam, thank-you for your kind respectful words. I’m a C4 incomplete quadriplegic and as such have no voluntary lower extremity (LE) function and very little sensation from my nipples down. My legs do however spasm often to a point of great annoyance kicking over 8640 times/day. I can achieve sustainable reflex erections with a little coaxing. I have partial bicep muscles but no triceps, supinator (turn palm up) muscles but no pronator (turn palm down), and no wrist or finger movement or sensation. I am not able to transfer myself using a sliding board or by any other means. I try not to dwell on what I can’t do, rather what I can. I’m a Gemini by the way ;).

]]> By: Ashley http://www.streetsie.com/quadriplegia/comment-page-1/#comment-3644 Ashley Fri, 02 Jul 2010 13:31:05 +0000 http://www.streetsie.com/wp-msc/?p=9#comment-3644 Hi Tasha! My name is Ashley, I have written Graham above regarding my sister in law. She too was in a car accident back in late Feb of this year and is a c4. She is a bit older than you (just 29 in June) but I can see some of your struggles in her as well. I'm glad you had the stregth to go back to school! That took a lot of courage and stregth so don't dumb it down!! I bet you did great too! With regards to friends, if they didn't stick around they weren't really good friends anyway... I watched some of my sis in laws friends come and go as well. She has had one really strong supportive friend that comes about 2 or 3 times a week to see her but the rest don't really come around. I too asked Graham about sex and children because sis in law was just settling into her new career, just bought a home and was thinking of starting a family. From what I understand, as long as you are still ovulating (or having your monthly visitor) this is possible! He directed me to another post on the site about wheelchair sex, maybe this could help answer more? You seem like a bright young lady and as you get a bit older I'm sure you'll notice people coming around more. but then again don't wait for them! If you know your friends are going out go meet them there! That will let them know you can still go out too without the drama :) Or if you would like to meet new people go out and do it! This way it's on your terms too and you might find it easier than waiting for others. I know that helped my sis in law a lot. she is currently in rehab and was pleased to meet other people and made an effort to do so... I really think it helped to boost her confidence. Stay strong and keep your chin up. I hope you find true happiness! Hi Tasha!

My name is Ashley, I have written Graham above regarding my sister in law. She too was in a car accident back in late Feb of this year and is a c4. She is a bit older than you (just 29 in June) but I can see some of your struggles in her as well.

I’m glad you had the stregth to go back to school! That took a lot of courage and stregth so don’t dumb it down!! I bet you did great too!

With regards to friends, if they didn’t stick around they weren’t really good friends anyway… I watched some of my sis in laws friends come and go as well. She has had one really strong supportive friend that comes about 2 or 3 times a week to see her but the rest don’t really come around.

I too asked Graham about sex and children because sis in law was just settling into her new career, just bought a home and was thinking of starting a family. From what I understand, as long as you are still ovulating (or having your monthly visitor) this is possible! He directed me to another post on the site about wheelchair sex, maybe this could help answer more?

You seem like a bright young lady and as you get a bit older I’m sure you’ll notice people coming around more. but then again don’t wait for them! If you know your friends are going out go meet them there! That will let them know you can still go out too without the drama :) Or if you would like to meet new people go out and do it! This way it’s on your terms too and you might find it easier than waiting for others. I know that helped my sis in law a lot. she is currently in rehab and was pleased to meet other people and made an effort to do so… I really think it helped to boost her confidence.

Stay strong and keep your chin up. I hope you find true happiness!

]]> By: yesmam http://www.streetsie.com/quadriplegia/comment-page-1/#comment-3643 yesmam Fri, 02 Jul 2010 04:10:29 +0000 http://www.streetsie.com/wp-msc/?p=9#comment-3643 Graham. your story originally posted on august 29 2009 was inspirational. thanks for sharing the physical and emotional story. I can not relate to your journey as other bloggers can... I am on the flip side, a health care student trying to understand more about the injuries. I study Occupational Therapy in the USA. I write you because I see how well you have done recovering from your injury mentally, emotionally and physically. It takes a truely strong person to do what you have done. I am not certain , in reading your story, are you an incomplete or a complete paralysis? Do you currently have any LE control? Again, I am an OT student and please forgive my niavity... I am not trying to be disrespectful just inquisitive. Graham. your story originally posted on august 29 2009 was inspirational. thanks for sharing the physical and emotional story. I can not relate to your journey as other bloggers can… I am on the flip side, a health care student trying to understand more about the injuries. I study Occupational Therapy in the USA. I write you because I see how well you have done recovering from your injury mentally, emotionally and physically. It takes a truely strong person to do what you have done. I am not certain , in reading your story, are you an incomplete or a complete paralysis? Do you currently have any LE control? Again, I am an OT student and please forgive my niavity… I am not trying to be disrespectful just inquisitive.

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